I got pregnant at age 15, by my then-boyfriend Jason after I lost my virginity to him, he was 17. After I found out I was pregnant I freaked out so much, and in my head I just knew that from this day on my life and social reputation was going to be COMPLETELY different. My older sister Katie was very supportive, and she helps me with my baby. I told my boyfriend and he said he would support me through it all. When my school found out, most people supported me but I lost a lot of friends and most girls called me "whore" and "slut" and "preggers whore".

When I was about 5 months pregnant, Jason broke up with me saying he wanted "the easy life", and he wanted to go to college and not help me with my baby. On his 18th birthday he sent me a text "Having fun, slut?". I felt so heart-broken. I met this guy Tyler, he had a crush on me and I had a crush on him. We briefly dated until he turned out to be just like everyone else, he said I was a whore. After my 16th birthday, I went into labor, and had a healthy son named Jared. I didn't give him up, I decided to raise him, and as the father bailed out, my sister helps me.

I have been friends with this guy called Kai for years, he is Australian and really sexy. He is my friend's ex and we started flirting, I sent him a nude pic, and the next day he came over to my house and we had sex. My friend found out and all my other friends left me because I broke the non-existent "girl code". He makes me happy and I love Kai and my son with all my heart. But three boyfriends within the space of ten months, one of them is in college and another is my friend's ex, and a baby. I feel like such a slut. All my friends hate me. I only have my boyfriend, sister, and son. I just hate my life right now.

Please give me some advice on how to win back my friends, and how to not feel guilty about dating my friend's ex. Also, sorry this was so long, I needed to get it all out.

Well, for starters...you met him and had sex right away...so you didn't learn anything at all?

The only thing I can suggest at this point is to go after the father for child support...that is a start.

As far as winning everyone back....stop proving to them that they are right.

Right now, what is important is your baby. Concentrate on raising your son and stop worrying about the "friends." Keep your legs closed.

If you are not, you should be collecting child support from the father of this baby.

UPDATE: My boyfriend told my sister I am feeling depressed, so she wanted to come back from her holiday early to check on me. I told her not to come because its an 8 hour drive. So my boyfriend is coming over, and he is going to spend the night at my place. I told him to bring wine. I'll keep updating as I go along. Also, I saw Jason's status on Facebook, he is in a relationship, makes me so depressed to think about the father of my child with another girl.

Goodness. I'm speechless.

What?

All these concerns and...

Forget it.

I hope your baby won't be there while you are getting drunk and making baby #2.

You reap what you sow. At 16 you need to get drunk? Well clearly you are not going anyplace in your life continuing this type of behaviour.

Time to stop acting like a misbehaving kid... you chose this path when you dropped your panties and spread your legs. Time to start behaving like a responsible parent, since you aren't yet its time you became one. Your baby didn't ask to be born but you wanted to be a parent and you owe it to your child to be the best one you can be. Getting drunk is not how you do it.

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Originally Posted by J_9

I hope your baby won't be there while you are getting drunk and making baby #2.

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Baby #2 is NEVER happening, not until I am at least 30 . I am not having sex with him for a while, he uses condoms anyway. Also, its non alcoholic wine. Damn, how bad of a mother do you think I am?

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Originally Posted by smoothy

You reap what you sow. At 16 you need to get drunk? Well clearly you are not going anyplace in your life continuing this type of behaviour.

Time to stop acting like a misbehaving kid... you chose this path when you dropped your panties and spread your legs. Time to start behaving like a responsible parent, since you aren't yet its time you became one. Your baby didn't ask to be born but you wanted to be a parent and you owe it to your child to be the best one you can be. Getting drunk is not how you do it.

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Great, more people think I'm a slut. And I didn't want to be a parent at first. It's his fault. Condoms don't even cost that much.

And condoms aren't 100% effective every time. For one, I was on birth control and used condoms. I got pregnant not once, but twice.

Food for thought.

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Originally Posted by QueenLiz

Baby #2 is NEVER happening, not until I am at least 30 . I am not having sex with him for a while, he uses condoms anyway. Also, its non alcoholic wine. Damn, how bad of a mother do you think I am?
Great, more people think I'm a slut. And I didn't want to be a parent at first. It's his fault. Condoms don't even cost that much.

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A) Baby # 2 isn't happening? Did you think baby #1 was going to happen?
B) You are not having sex with him but you did when you first met.
C) You are not having sex with him BUT, he uses condoms anyway...lol
D) You never said originally that it was non-alcoholic wine...you made a point to say he was bringing wine but you didn't bother with the non-alcoholic part so I think this is a lie.
E) You didn't want to be a parent, it's HIS fault. Not really...there were 2 of you. You allowed this just as much as he did. If you are implying he had no condoms, you are not guilt free because you could have said no.

Start making better decisions about your life, and future and forget the false friend and haters. Are you on your own or living with your parents, or just your sister? Start with child support and some kind of job training and get your life in order and make real friends.

Past mistakes don't have to be the end of the world if you learn from them, and do better.

Good Luck.

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Originally Posted by QueenLiz

Baby #2 is NEVER happening, not until I am at least 30 . I am not having sex with him for a while, he uses condoms anyway. Also, its non alcoholic wine. Damn, how bad of a mother do you think I am?

Great, more people think I'm a slut. And I didn't want to be a parent at first. It's his fault. Condoms don't even cost that much.

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1) NO form of birth control is 100% effective. So if you don't want baby #2, you do NOT engage is sexual intercourse at all.

2) There is no such thing as non alcoholic wine. Wine is the juice of fermented grapes and is alcohol by its very nature.

3)

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I sent him a nude pic, and the next day he came over to my house and we had sex,

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If you don't want people to think you are a slut then stop acting like one. Sending a boy a nude pic and having sex with him right off, is a slutty thing to do.

4)

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It's his fault. Condoms don't even cost that much.

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It takes two to make a baby. Its not only his fault, you opened your legs for him. So you need to start taking responsibility for your actions. You need to make changes in your lifestyle.

5)

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saw Jason's status on Facebook, he is in a relationship, makes me so depressed to think about the father of my child with another girl.

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Really, did you think that at 17 he was ready to settle down to a family? But you should not be letting him off the hook. You should be taking him to court for child support. Even if he is in college and doesn't have much money, he needs to take responsibility too and help support his child.

Bottom line here, is you have made some very bad choices in your life. You have shown and continue to show poor judgment. Until and unless, you change your attitude, you will continue to on the same path you are on. You need to step up and think about your baby first and do what's best for the child.

As was said, now is the time to start thinking about yours and your son's future. Do you really want to win back friends who were't there for you when you needed them most?

You'd be better off getting involved in school, an activity that you enjoy, or trying a new interest and making some new friends. You will benefit greatly by finding a group of other new mothers... perhaps even teen mothers as you will find support and friendship there from people who know what you are going through.

yes, you've made some poor choices, which will always have consequences, so now you think about them, learn from them, and do better from now on.

Remember to treat your sister very well... she has been a lifesaver for you! If you and your boyfriend want to date then so be it. Don't worry about him being a past boyfriend of a friend. If they wanted to be a couple still they would be.

Others have reminded you that no form of birth control is 100% effective so if you do decide to have sex, you should use one along with the condoms that your boyfriend uses. Remember too, there should be no penetration without a condom... not even for a little while at first.

start thinking about what you want to do in your life. Maybe university, maybe a career. Having some goals and dreams to work towards will help you see more positives in your life.

. Focus on what is going well right now... you are healthy, have a healthy baby, a loving sister, a boyfriend, etc, and keep in mind that the negatives won't always be there, can be changed, and just might be the boost that you need to make some positive changes.

WHat I said was its time to start acting like a responsible mother... getting drunk isn't being responsible, drinking alcohol at all at your age isn't being responsible, your child depends on you, and you owe it to your child... your childhood is over and you aren't getting it back. That's the price for having sex at that age for many people. Now until your child is an adult and on their own... THEY are or certainly SHOULD be the most important thing in your life.

You rushed your life in some ways but can still do the rest in order. Here is the order:

Finish school. Figure out a career that will interest you and go after it. It must be done. It's harder with a child but still possible, so treat yourself to enough education to earn a comfortable wage.

Get child support. If you file for Wellfare, the state will go after this deadbeat dad. File .

Stop having sex. You still aren't bold enough and are not in a position to care for a second child. Don't have sex again until you are married. There is a lot you can so to express some intimacy without risking pregnancy or disease.

Not dating exes of friends can be hard because we tend to know the same people as our friends. But you did not date him - you sent him a photo that could have resulted in both of you becoming registered sex offenders for exchanging porn featuring a minor. You then slept with him. You will be judged by your actions which is the only fair way to judge someone. Act in the manner you want to be judged. You are young enough to turn it around.

Don't worry about friends you lost - too much drama. Find new friends. Seek out a support group for teen moms. Them you will find friends who you can relate to and you can help each other out a bit.

Know ow that you don't always get to be happy with how things are but you can still choose happiness. You control your attitude and perception of the world. Start with how you talk. Don't victimize yourself. Talk about your son as a blessing, speak of gratitude. Enjoy the little things. This is hard but it works. Just decide you will be happy even if to want change and want more. If you feel bad , start planning and dreaming and take action to make improvements.

Give up what things "should" be like. Everyone you know will have hardships. You know what yours is and it is a sweet baby. Enjoy what is and know you can still pursue all your other dreams.

Life is not about catching a man. Be someone you love and hold out for someone who likes and respects you. The right man would not have slept with you so fast. Think about that.

UPDATE: Kai slept over at my house (we did NOT have sex). And this morning I skyped with my sister, she asked if I was OK and I told her fine. I feel a lot better now, even my parents called because they heard what I was going through. Me and Kai are going to take Jared outside in his stroller, I haven't been outside for days, so it's going to be good. Also, about the non-alcoholic wine, it was alcoholic but I only had one glass.

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Don't have sex again until you are married.

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I have no plans to get married, or go celibate, but I will hold off sex for a while, at least until I figure out what I want with my life.

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The right man would not have slept with you so fast.

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Kai is the right man, we havent been dating for long, but we have been friends for years before, and he has always been there for me through everything. Deep down I know he should have been Jared's father. Also I live in the UK, and in the UK it is legal to have sex at 16, in the UK you can even get married at 16.

Yes, the age of consent in the UK is 16, but you had sex with Jason at 15. He could be prosecuted for that. And you NEED to go after him for child support. But it being legal and being smart are very different things. Think of all you have been going through because you want to do adult things before you were ready. Do you, at least, agree that you weren't being smart.

And I'm not sure if you are waking up to realities here. I still get the sense that you want your old life back and have not faced the reality that you can't.

As for Kai being the "right man". You are 16, I'll bet you thought Jason was the "right man" at the time. Your judgment in this regard is suspect. That doesn't mean you shouldn't continue to be with him. Maybe he will turn out to be the right man, but you should not have expectation at your age.

One last point, where do you live and how do you support yourself? You say your sister and parents called. Which indicates you are not living at home, so I'm curious about how you ar supporting yourself and Jared.

I moved out of my parents house to live with my sister and her friend since they have a flat together. My sister is away visiting family, and her friend has been staying with her older brother for a week, so it's just me and Jared, and Kai has decided to stay at my house until Katie gets back. Also, is there a way I can have my old life back and still be the best mom I can be?

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Originally Posted by QueenLiz

Also, is there a way I can have my old life back and still be the best mom I can be?

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Not at all.

So you made the choice to become a parent and now you live with it. It isn't the babies fault that you had your old life taken from you, it is yours. You made the choice, that life is gone, you move forward and take care of your baby the way he should be taken care of.

Your old life was that of a kid...with no responsibilities....but that's gone. Now you have responsibilities and you live up to them.

I agree with Odinn7... your old life is long over... there is no going back. You have a baby now... you are a parent... you have responsibilities nobody else your age you used to have fun with have.

Now you have to do a LOT of growing up... because your child depends on you. You can't be a care free teenager AND a parent... they are not compatible.

Ugh, you all sound like my parents

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Originally Posted by QueenLiz

I moved out of my parents house to live with my sister and her friend since they have a flat together. My sister is away visiting family, and her friend has been staying with her older brother for a week, so it's just me and Jared, and Kai has decided to stay at my house until Katie gets back. Also, is there a way I can have my old life back and still be the best mom I can be?

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OK, Thanks for clarifying.

As odinn said, no you can't get your old life back. You have to understand and resign yourself to that. Your old life was as a teenager. That's gone as you are a mother now. With all the responsibilities and limitations that motherhood entails.

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Originally Posted by QueenLiz

Ugh, you all sound like my parents

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And you need to listen to them as you need to listen to us. I know you don't like it. I know you don't want to hear it. But I can't say this enough. You made bad decisions. You have to grow up and live with the consequences of those decisions. Because you made some bad decisions does not mean you can't turn your life around. You can and I hope you will. But the first step will be accepting that your life is different and working with those differences.

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Originally Posted by QueenLiz

Ugh, you all sound like my parents

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Well... YOU are a parent now... time to start acting like one.

Your parents are probibly quietly laughing now remembering all the hard times you gave them growing up.....now YOU will be the one getting it from your child. Sorry, I don't know ANYONE that has become a grandparent that has not felt that way.

I didn't say that to be mean.....just need to get you to see what you need to see. And the sooner you see it the better.

I want to, I want to be more mature, I love my son. But I'm 16, I can't just automatically mature. I need to take time. I'm 16 not 26! Also, according to my parents I was the good child, and Katie was the one that always gave them a hard time. But when I turned 13, thats when I became who I was before I was a mother.

This is something you should have thought about previously. This is why, at 16, you are not...nobody is, prepared to be a parent. So many kids think about how wonderful it will be to have a baby of their very own...only to wake up to a harsh reality.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

This is something you should have thought about previously. This is why, at 16, you are not...nobody is, prepared to be a parent. So many kids think about how wonderful it will be to have a baby of their very own...only to wake up to a harsh reality.

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I didn't know condoms could break easily, I also didn't want any children until I was way older, and I know that being a parent ain't a fun time.

Its something you have to work at. It will be a lot more work at first... but you will adjust. But no..its not going to happen overnight. But it will become second nature.

Everyones life changes when they become a parent.

I thought this is supposed to be a HELP website. I see more criticizing me for getting in this situation than helping me. Also, I originally asked how I win my friends back and get one of them to stop being jealous that I am dating their ex.

How can we possibly help you? You want us to take turns baby sitting for you so you can go out and have a fun time?

And you aren't being criticized. You are mistaking being criticized with us simply being straightforward and honest with you.

So you asked how to get your friends back and if you read through the answers, you will see it there....you don't keep proving to them that they are right about you...that is a start. Other than that, there is no answer. And how to stop one from being jealous about dating an ex? Well, you stop dating that ex otherwise, deal with it. Welcome to real life.

What do you expect... us to change diapers and babysit while you run out with friends? We don't do that, we tell you what you are doing wrong, and what you need to be doing. That's the kind of help we offer.

Read what you have been saying... YOU want to have fun with friends, YOU want your old life back. Well none of those things are going to happen, and it doesn't happen to anyone else when they become parents either. Actually what YOU want takes a back seat to what your child needs...and it will be that way for a very long time to come.

Its next to impossible because you no longer have much in common with your old friends. That's reality... its that way if you just got married and they aren't, if you have children and they don't its even MORE true. Sorry but that's reality... we have all been through this before... we are speaking from experience.

Its one of those things you need to see that we are trying to get you to see.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

And how to stop one from being jealous about dating an ex? Well, you stop dating that ex otherwise, deal with it. Welcome to real life.

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Hell to the no, I am not going to stop dating Kai for anyone. I love him, Jared seems to take a liking to him, my sister tells me how lucky I am. I don't care about my friends if it means ending my good relationship with him. Yeah, I sent him the nude pic, but I don't give a rat's a**.

So yeah...I see where this is all going. Have fun. I'm done playing this game.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

So yeah...I see where this is all going. Have fun. I'm done playing this game.

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You weren't even helping with anything. I know I need to mature, but It does not happen overnight. I got pregnant, I had a child, we all make mistakes, deal with it. Also, do you expect I would just give up one of the only two people helping me out with this?

I am going through hell right now, can't somebody help me, please

We are trying... you aren't listening and worse... want to argue about the advice.

Stop thinking like a 15 year old schoolgirl...because you aren't one any more. And we've been trying to get you to see this.

Your life changed when you became a mother. Your friends lives didn't (except for the childs fathers life). Its NOT going to be like it was last year no matter how much you wish it would.

I just read that teen mothers usually don't graduate high school, and my plans to go to a music college aren't going to happen now. What the hell have I done with my life, where did my life go wrong.

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Originally Posted by QueenLiz

I am going through hell right now, can't somebody help me, please

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What help do you expect from us? Yes we know you can't change overnight, but you have had more than 9 months to begin the process. We aren't telling you not be with Kai, but you need to understand that Jared comes first. Raising a child can be very rewarding, watching a child grow is one of the greatest experiences. But it's a two edged sword.

Yes we have been critical of your past mistakes, but we are trying to help you move forward, but you don't seem to want to take our advice. So I really don't understand what you expect.

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Originally Posted by QueenLiz

I just read that teen mothers usually don't graduate high school, and my plans to go to a music college aren't going to happen now. What the hell have I done with my life, where did my life go wrong.

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Actually, that's changing. With the proper help and determination you can not only finish high school but go on to college. But you have to understand it won't be easy and will involve a LOT of work on your part.

Your life went wrong when you decided to engage in sex without understanding the risks and consequences. But again, that doesn't mean you can't make a success. But you have to change your tune about what your priorities are.

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Originally Posted by QueenLiz

I just read that teen mothers usually don't graduate high school, and my plans to go to a music college aren't going to happen now. What the hell have I done with my life, where did my life go wrong.

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Many don't... You have the right idea by wanting to finish it. in fact I ENCOURAGE you to do this as soon as you are able. I also honestly hope you are able to do it, it will be a lot of work, but it will be worth it.. It will only be positive for you and your life.

It could happen IF you work hard to make it happen.

I need to get back on track after this whole thing. My boyfriend is here to help until Katie gets back, so everything is good

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Originally Posted by QueenLiz

UPDATE: My boyfriend told my sister I am feeling depressed, so she wanted to come back from her holiday early to check on me. I told her not to come because its an 8 hour drive. So my boyfriend is coming over, and he is going to spend the night at my place. I told him to bring wine. I'll keep updating as I go along. Also, I saw Jason's status on Facebook, he is in a relationship, makes me so depressed to think about the father of my child with another girl.

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If Kai is so great, why are you letting yourself get upset because Jason has moved on to a new relationship? You worry about a friend who is jealous but don't understand the jealousy you are showing. It is one thing to be upset that he isn't in his child's life, but to get upset that he is with another girl is a different matter.

You still have not said anything (unless I missed it) about getting child support and custody taken care of through legal means. We are telling you to do this not out of criticism but for your welfare and Jared's. Jason may not want to be daddy today but that could change next week when the latest girlfriend finds it cool that he is a daddy or his family decides it wants to be involved in Jared's life. Jason has responsibilities just like you do. Some he can choose to keep like visitation, some he can't like providing for his child.

Your life isn't over. It is just more complicated. How close to graduating are you? Are there programs or someone to take care of Jared while you are at school? What were you planning to study in music college? Is there a different route you can take to get to your goal or new goal that may be more to your liking? Some people find paths they like better after a life changing event?

Just because you can't have your old life back, doesn't mean you can't have a better life ahead. Part of that better life is your attitude and how you behave and understanding that good friends may get upset but they will come back after they have calmed down. Until they do, you become involved in other things and make new friends.

Something to think about, when you asked a question here, you gained a community of people who care. We want to see you succeed in your life.