My best friend and I really really like the same guy. Only thing is, I kind of told him not to flirt with me anymore because it was an online thing and we hadn't met. He had, however, met my friend. Well me and him met in person yesterday, and I have strong feelings for him, but my friend thinks that I have no chance because I told him I didn't want to fall for him. Now we're flirting a lot. He is super sweet, and keeps telling me I'm really pretty and calling me cutie. And I know more about him than my friend does, and I really like him. I don't want to screw up our friendship, but I'm REALLLy into this guy, and he's exactly what I need. Oh one more minor issue... he's 21 and we're both 17... WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Guy is 21 I am 17... legal age of consent in MD is 16, so it is legal for me to have sex with him, right?

Unfortunately yes it is legal.

I know you're going to do whatever you want so I'm not even going to bother discouraging you from having sex. Just at least use protection and make sure you both have a clean bill of health BEFORE you have sex. I'd hate to have you back here next month asking "am i pregnant?" or "do i have an std?"

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...uy-447355.html

Wait a minute... is this the same guy as the other thread? If so, what the heck are you doing even considering sex if you've only just met him?

Is this the same guy? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/legal-447472.html

Run for the hills, run as fast as you can! This guy sounds like a pervert. He only wants a piece of fresh meat and that's you!

Yeah same guy, but my friend posted this... she used my log in for some reason..

So you both like him. But she's already thinking of having sex with him?

Apparently.

Threads merged (for obvious reasons)

You need to get out of there. If your friend is stupid enough to even be interested in a perv, let her have him. But warn her first, of course.

The best thing you can do is stay away from him. If he is 21 and if you are only 17 it may be legal but it is also dangerous. How much do you know about this guy? I would suggest finding out something about him. Think with your brain instead of your hormones. Think about AIDS and all the other STDs you could get. Think about getting pregnant and having a baby! With the two of you as parents, that child wouldn't stand a chance.

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Originally Posted by jaime90

You need to get out of there. If your friend is stupid enough to even be interested in a perv, let her have him. But warn her first, of course.

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Ok, lets tone it down a bit. We don't even know if the guy has asked for sex yet! All we know is that (allegedly) the friend used the OP's computer to ask if it would be legal. Also 21-17 is not really perv status.

IF he has asked for sex at this point in the relationship with either girl, then he would seem to be a predator, not necessarily a perv.

It did help and I do get carried away sorry ScottGem.

I agree. Okay, if the guy didn't ask for sex, I would still stay away from him when it comes to relationships until you know more about him. Even if he doesn't want sex, he is still sending the same "signals" to two girls at the same time, which doesn't look good.

You haven't met in life yet, only online. How do you know that he is not a rapist? How do you know that he is not a kidnapper? How do you know that he is really 21 and not 56?

Don't do something this foolish.

Thank you for your concern everyone, and thank you ScottGem for toning this down a bit.
As of now we have met in person, twice. Once with friends, once alone, and everything seems to be safe. I just want the advice on what I should do about my best friend liking him. Turns out, she also likes a couple other guys (no surprise with her) . But she still gets mad every time I mention this guy. Like I'm even considering not telling her we hung out today.
Please help me with THIS issue, and stop calling him a perv/predator, because believe it or not, even though I am only 17, I am very cautious about who I get involved with. And for the record, No he has NOT asked for sex.

I had a friend just like that. Key word is "had." she called "dibs" on every guy, like they were her property and only she was allowed to like them. There was a guy that we both liked (although she didn't bother telling me that she liked him until after I started seeing him) and he liked me so we started seeing each other. After lots of drama from her, our friendship ended. That was actually how most of her friendships ended, she'd get jealous of another relationship. It didn't even have to be someone else's boyfriend. It could just be an ordinary friend. You two have to decide if you're going to let a guy come between you two or not. If you can work it out, great. If you can't, well, shows how close of friends you are.

Today she told me he visited her at work. She was all happy. I told her that I also saw him today, she got mad and told me I don't care about how she feels about this issue. So let me get this straight... its okay for them to see each other even though id be disappointed if they became a couple, but its not okay for me and him to see each other... I'm lost.

In her eyes, that's how it seems to be. What I don't get is, who does he like? If he knows both of you, is visiting her at work, and also seeing you... is he leading you both on?

Yes that's what I don't understand as well. According to his formspring the girl he likes is well aware that he likes her, therefore, I know it is not me. =( But ill get over that, I guess. But I don't know if its my friend who seems somewhat confident that he likes her. Also, he refuses to say who this girl is. If they know they like each other, and she's so special, why can he not publicly state who she is? My thooughts, he's playing us. So as much as I like him, I'm just going to let him go. Maybe be friends. But just let him go and be happy.

Good idea redhead1992. You don't deserve a guy that plays mindgames. He's definitily not boyfriend material. Good luck, hun!

I don't know if this is the right section for this. But I have recently realized, I am completely addicted to guys in the military. And all they ever do is charm me then break me. What do I do?!

Your interest is your true self. This may suggest that the type of guy you like is a military man, a manly, courageous and handsome. Why not look for the way you want?

Hi, redhead19921

Charm you and then break you? What specifically do you mean by that, please?

Thanks!

Well don't give in so easily next time, make them work for your affection. Make them put a lot of effort in, so you can see if they truly are wanting to pursue you. Guys love a challenge, if you give in too easily to there charm, they just might lose interest.

Everyone has certain things that attract them to someone. That does not make it an addiction.

Some people are attracted to facial hair, clean cut guys, long legs, big... well you get the point. Uniforms is only another box to be ticked.

I think what you need to look at here is your speed in giving away your heart. Take it easy and take your time with these guys. You and your heart are very special and should not be given away so easily to people who have not proved they deserve it.

I am engaged to a military man, so I have a little know-how when it comes to military guys. Firstly, you are stereotyping when you say you are addicted to military men. There are so many different kinds. Not only are there several different branches, but I know very handsome military men, some very heavy military men, skinny ones, um less handsome ones, tall ones, short ones, etc. It confuses me when you say you are addicted to military men, you cannot possibly be attracted to ALL military men. These guys were civillians once too. Anyone in the civilian world who can pass the requirements can join the military. These men are just like everyone else, aside from their job and their lifestyle. But I highly doubt you are attracted to their job and lifestyle.

Firstly, you need to be very, very careful who you give your heart to. Every time you "fall for a guy" you are giving a piece of your heart away. By the time you meet your husband, how much of your heart will be left in tact for him? Probably very little. Be friends with guys before you begin a relationship with them. Be very, very cautious.

In the early stages of a relationship, guys (and gals) like to hide or downplay their negative qualities, and play up or make up the traits that they know girls love. They'll romance you, charm you, enchant you, etc. until they get you to fall for them, then, suddenly they become an argumentative jerk... In truth, nobody can hide their true colors for very long, which is where friendship, and patience comes into play. It can take months or years of friendship with a guy in order to find out who they truly are, and whether they are worth getting into a relationship with.

I am friends with military men, and as I said earlier, I'm also engaged to a Marine. When you date someone, you really need to be in it for marriage... If you're not going to get married, you're going to break up, plain and simple. You have to be sure that you can handle a lifestyle like the military lifestyle, if you can't, you shouldn't even bother. Long distances, years of being alone with him in harms way, and very, very long work days. On top of that, you have to remember that these men are "married" to the military, it demands their full attention, and the last thing they need is a needy, naggy woman to become jealous.

Military men are some of the crudest people I know. Not only do they sit around and chat about sex every chance they get, military bases are full of strip clubs, and bars to pleasure these guys.

The military is a job and a lifestyle. I don't think you're attracted to the "military man" per se, it's probably more like, a strong man, or a responsible man.

I understand you.. but its definitely not just the strength or the uniform... it's the fact that he's willing to die for his country... its super super attractive. And yeah I know there's diff types of military guys, and no I don't like them all. But I don't even give civilian guys a chance, and a guy seems to have a much better chance with me if he's in the military.. its superficial I know, but I can't help it.. but every militry guy I've been involved with, or my friends and familyt have been involved with caused a lot of emotional pain. I can handle the "married to the military" thing.. I really can.. but I don't know how to stop just looking forguys in the military.

Threads merged

So me and this guy I've talked about in other threads have gotten to know each other better. He and my friend (who also likes him) are also getting to know each other quite well. My friend is under the impression that they are going to date. But he told me he's interested in both of us, but she's his main focus. He later told me that he doesn't want to lead her on. I don't know if he's playing us or not, because he doesn't have a player personality (ithink). I just don't know what to do, I don't want my friend to get her hopes up, but I also don't want her to win. Even though I will get over it and be happy for her. What should I do.

He is able to play you both because you don't communicate with each other. You want him, so you don't want her to get him, no matter what you say about being willing to move on, how very big of you, and disingenuous.

If she were really a friend, or if you were hers' then you would be talking and listening so neither of you gets played.

Trying to keep it toned down, as Scot Gem says but you two are friends in name only, or are to selfish to see he is quite comfortable filling both your heads with the standard player lines, because all you both can see is " Oh please choose me, and screw the other chick, just get me"!

Your both just young girls playing with the older guy to make yourselves more mature.

To bad the fantasy isn't true. You both get together, and kick him to the curb, and get over this petty jealousy, psycho, needy crap!

I'm not being disingenuous. I will move on. I don't want to, but I will I've done it in the past, and ill do it again.

Secondly, seriously, I'm not trying to do it because I want to seem more mature, no I really like him and his personality. And I really believe he's a good guy, but he's been pretty honest with me... and she and I actually have been communicating, I just don't think id be able to tell her that he told me he doesn't want to lead her on. Because a. there's a teeeenyy tiny part of me that doesn't know if he meant it b. I don't want to see her sad again.
And please don't call me selfish. I ALWAYS put her and all my other friends' feelings before my own. Just once I want to get my own way and be happy. Is that really such a sin?

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and she and I actually have been communicating, I just don't think id be able to tell her that he told me he doesn't want to lead her on.

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If he meant it? Isn't that something she NEEDS to know? And why haven't you told HIM he is leading her on? Your quest for happiness will come with a cost, for sure. My point is why are you allowing him to come between you, and a friend, and not being honest in your communications with your friend? Shouldn't she know he is putting the moves on YOU?

Tell him, " You can't talk to my friend, and me too!"

If he had class to going along with being cute and honest, he would have made his intentions clear. To you both!

Wondering who is really leading who here?

I DID tell him he's leading her on. And last night I decided to tell her he told me that. She took it kind of hard, but said that since Wednesday evening she's felt a weird vibe from him. He hasn't been flirting as much. This would be a change in him toward her SINCE our conversation about him leading her on.

What does that mean? He's obviously not trying to lead her on anymore. And he's still being pretty much the same with me.

And what does she say about him hitting on you?

Well she doesn't completely know quite how much he's been hitting on me, but what she does know she doesn't like.

But it doesn't matter anyway. I think we are done with him, or rather he's done with us. We invited him over and he said hed let us know, and hasn't called back yet. Its been two hours. So we got blown off. He's done with us. I guess we should force ourselves to be done with him. No matter how hard thatll be.

OK here is my opinion. Let him pick. If you or your friend is unhappy with his choice, do you have any say? NO so don't let it hurt you.

Threads merged



So lately I have been dealing with a lot of unwanted unnecessary drama. And I am taking AP classes in school. Its my senior year, and I'm starting to feel really burnt out. My stress level is skyrocketing as due dates come closer and I am not quite prepared. Worst part is, my parents aren't understanding this at all. My dad yelled at me and told me that I don't know the meaning of stress. Yes, while his stress is different from mine, I don't enjoy being told I'm not stressed. Even my chiropractor has said that I must be stressed considering how many knots are in my back. Oh and I barely sleep anymore. How can I try to get back on track, and get my parents to understand and STOP making me feel like crap constantly? I have a speech due tomorrow that has to be one hundred percent memorized, and its NOT memorized. I've been working on memorizing it for hours and my mom yelled at me for wanting a break. How do I ease the stress? If I don't get an A on this speech tomorrow, I won't get an A in the class. I have a B right now but I'll get a C at best... does anyone have any advice??

Relax. You need to calm down and stop stressing out. Your parents don't sound very supportive to me so you'll have to be your own support system on this one. You need to take your time with these things and you need to stop stressing. Being stressed is the worst way to get studying in or sleep for that matter. And sleep is going to be the most helpful. Get sleep even if you have to take a sleeping pill. (try melatonin for no morning drub hangover) All I can say about school is that you may have taken too much on and you are going to need to tough through it at this point. Rest as much as possible and rejuvinate your mind so it is prepared to deal with these stresses