Ask Me Help Desk - Opinion on current situation is needed.

Opinion on current situation is needed.

I have been dating this girl who is 16 years old, while I am 18 years old. I am currently in college while she is in grade 11 high school. We have been dating for more then a year now and I am just wondering about a few things.

I have had some trouble with her flirting with other guys in the past, she has gotten better but I notice she still has some slip ups and it hurts me. I was on Facebook a little while ago and I was just looking at one of her pages and she left a comment on one of her "Summer flings" pictures. It read "hey hottie! how are you and (insert her name) I miss you <3." Supposedly her summer fling (before she met me) just broke up with his girlfriend and she was just being nice. But I have been trouble getting over it, is something wrong with me?

Just recently some guy in her class asked her to come over to his house and watch a movie with him. She said yes because he is supposedly a shy, awkward dude and he got the nerve to ask her. I was pissed off when I heard this from her, I immediately told her that I was uncomfortable with this and she said "I don`t have to go if you don't want me to." I felt bad but I was still mad that she actually said yes.

She is working two jobs and she has high school to deal with while I am working one job and have college to deal with. We don't see each other very much, we didn't even see each other over the long weekend (thanksgiving weekend.. I am Canadian). We had plans for tomorrow but she canceled them to go with her friend to her friends grandparents house for Thanksgiving. She said "I already had the plans laid out and you can't cancel them." Unfortunately she has canceled our plans before and did today to see her friend.

I don't know what to think about this situation, am I over reacting? It seems like everything even the small things tick me off and I get mad at her. I don't know why. I love her very much, I would just like an opinion on how I should be going about all this.

Thanks -

Chris.

Have a serious conversation about your relationship. At 16 she s still quite young. Do you get angry because you feel you can't trust her?

Quote:

Originally Posted by amicon

Have a serious conversation about your relationship. At 16 she s still quite young. Do you get angry because you feel you can't trust her?

I trust her, I get upset because she knows what I am comfortable with and seems to be going against it with no regard for my feelings.

That's why the two of you need to talk and find a solution that you re both comfortable with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by amicon

Thats why the two of you need to talk and find a solution that you re both comfortable with.

Hm.

Revealing clothes.

My girlfriend is kind of an "Attention Seeker" per say, and she likes to be looked at. I don't mind if other guys look at her, but she tends to over exaggerate her bra size and buys bra's too big for her. When she bends over you can easily see her whole breast. I don't mind guys checking her out but I don't like that she is practically flashing them.

I don't know how to bring this topic up nicely with her? Or should I even bother?

I wouldn't trust her. She seems to enjoy attention. Re-read your original question and then tell me, objectively if possible, how you would answer this question if another person asked it.

Read the signs man. You already have trust issues with her and regardless of how much you like her, it will effect your behavior. I would be gone. People like to say, "Have a serious talk with her," but you know what? Sometimes actions speak louder than words... hers do, and I think it is high time you paid attention to them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CGM91

I trust her, I get upset because she knows what I am comfortable with and seems to be going against it with no regard for my feelings.

This should be a pretty big hint to you. I think this answers any questions you may have.

If so many small things can piss you off, then imagine when things get serious?

I'd say leave each other alone and meet new people.

Ultimately you need to decide whether you're comfortable with things the way they are or not ; that's your call to make. I always like to tell people to go with their gut instinct ; if it seems wrong, then it probably is. Keep in mind that you won't and can't change her ; she is who she is. If you're willing and able to deal with what currently is, then fine. If not, then it's time for you to break it off tactfully but firmly.

Quote:

I wouldn't trust her. She seems to enjoy attention. Re-read your original question and then tell me, objectively if possible, how you would answer this question if another person asked it.

This is a good tactic to employ.

Interesting.

She is a pretty good girlfriend but just inexperienced with relationships. I am thinking if I wait it out and try to guide her it will get better. And in a way it is getting better.

Young fellow, it takes a special kind of secure guy to deal with a young girl who is exploring her own emerging sexuality, and the effects it has on other guys. You either get over your jealousy, and let her grow, which means putting up with her antics for attention, Or get some one who is further along the life line, as she is still in high school, and smelling herself.

All you can do is tell her (gently of course) to respect you, and your relationship, and see if she does, or can at 16.

Don't you remember how you were at 16? I doubt she will be much different. You want a mature relationship, get a mature partner, I'm sure they are out there. But don't expect her to go along with all your feelings, or wants, she may not see things that you do. Not at 16.

I seem to not be able to PM you talaniman, due to my shortage in post count.

Since my other thread was deleted, can you answer my other question as well?

----

My girlfriend buys bra's too big, and when she bends over her whole breast is exposed. It bothers me, how should I tell her to reveal herself with appearing like a prick? Or should I bother?

Cover herself up* <- I can't edit my own post either :p

IF I got my girlfriend pregnant could I be charged?

Currently I am 17 years old and turning 18 in a few days, my girlfriend is 15 and turning 16 on December 5th.

She doesn't seem to have any symptoms but she seems to be about a week late or so.

Advice, Information etc.. Would be very appreciated.

*Edit

I am from Canada, Ontario. The age of consent was moved to 16 last year I believe.

The authorities would have to be contacted to pursue charges against you.

I'm from the U.S. If you were here, you would not be charged unless you got her pregnant after you turned 18.

I do not know Canadian law, but hopefully someone will answer your question soon.

Just get a pregnancy test to ease your mind AND practice safe sex or better yet, abstinence until you both are old enough to not get into trouble with the law over having sex and are capable of raising a child. Good luck to you

IF she is pregnant, I am definitely considering abortion. We both have a lot going for us and a child would be over bearing at the moment.

Do abortion clinics cost money? And if so how much?

Hm, that's nice that you're considering abortion. What about her?

Why not figure out if she is or is not pregnant before you even start worrying about adoption or keeping it. It might not even be something you end up needing to consider right now

Quote:

Originally Posted by justcurious55

hm, that's nice that you're considering abortion. what about her?

why not figure out if she is or is not pregnant before you even start worrying about adoption or keeping it. it might not even be something you end up needing to consider right now

I like to think in the future so I can prepare myself and whoever else and make the most intellectual and ethical choice I can.

And yes, she is going to take a pregnancy test and I hope we don't see the "+++++" but if we do I would like a back up plan.

I know at 15/16 your period is not 100% regular as last month she was a week later for her period. It could be the same in this case, I surely hope so. I have definitely learned my lesson however. We are going to wait till she is 16 and then she is going to get on B/C asap. But speaking in the present, does anyone know how much Abortion Clinics cost? Are they covered in your Health Care for Canada?

Before you start thinking abortion, get the pregnancy test. You could save yourself all this stress.

Remember, birth control is not 100 percent effective, doubling up methods such as her being on the pill and you using a condom is a suggestion, because you obviously do not want children.

As far as I know abortions are not covered under Alberta health care because it is a side option, not part of basic health care.

I'm not sure of the cost, that's something you'll have to find out by calling clinics or utilizing the internet.

As for being charged. Yes, you can be charged. The legal age of consent is 16, your girlfriend isn't legal, you are, so you are going to be considered a sex offender.

Will you be charged? That depends on her parents, the clinic and her.

Some lessons are learned the hard way. I have to ask, if you don't want children right now, which is a good choice, why weren't you using birth control?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

As far as I know abortions are not covered under Alberta health care because it is a side option, not part of basic health care.

I'm not sure of the cost, that's something you'll have to find out by calling clinics or utilizing the internet.

As for being charged. Yes, you can be charged. The legal age of consent is 16, your girlfriend isn't legal, you are, so you are going to be considered a sex offender.

Will you be charged? That depends on her parents, the clinic and her.

Some lessons are learned the hard way. I have to ask, if you don't want children right now, which is a good choice, why weren't you using birth control?

For the obvious reason that she didn't want her parents to know that she was sexually active.

If she was pregnant, at the abortion clinic.. I heard many females lie about their age. What would be penalty in doing so?

I know most abortion clinics just want money and tend to over ride legal issues.

Have you figure out yet is she is pregnant or not? You need to figure that out first. Has she taken a test yet? If she's a week late, she should be able to test now. She should use her first morning urine to do so.
And no, lying about her age sounds like a bad idea.

Have you figure out yet is she is pregnant or not? You need to figure that out first. Has she taken a test yet? If she's a week late, she should be able to test now. She should use her first morning urine to do so.
And no, lying about her age sounds like a bad idea.

Edit: sorry for the double post, I don't know what my computer/internet is doing today! I thought there was a delete button?

Yeah, I agree that lying about her age is a very bad idea. This is why teens having sex is a bad idea. They're not equipped to deal with the physical, emotional and financial consequences.

First, find out if she's pregnant. If she is and abortion is what SHE wants, then it is in her best interest to confide in a trusted adult. I would be devastated if I found out my daughter had an abortion at 15 and went through it without me. Most parents don't expect perfection from their teens. I understand she doesn't want them to know but if they're loving parents, I'm sure they would get over their initial disappointment and help HER.

Just a thought: She could have complications from an abortion and need emergency care at a hospital.

Had to spread the rep survivor. But I completely agree again. If it turns out she is pregnant, the option of having an abortion is more than just about what he wants. And there's a reason there are laws in place about the age of consent. It's so that hopefully, less children are put in this situation.

I will get a pregnancy test tomorrow.

I read a few places on the internet that in Canada, Abortions are covered in the health plan and can be kept private as long as the woman/girl is above the age of 12.

Here is some info on abortions in Canada.

AbortionInCanada.ca .:.

It seems that abortions done in hospitals are covered under health care but abortions in private clinics aren't.

As for age of consent for an abortion, I couldn't find any info on that. It would make sense though that the age for consent for abortion would be the same as age of consent for sex. In other words, you girlfriend would need parental permission.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Here is some info on abortions in Canada.

AbortionInCanada.ca .:.

It seems that abortions done in hospitals are covered under health care but abortions in private clinics aren't.

As for age of consent for an abortion, I couldn't find any info on that. It would make sense though that the age for consent for abortion would be the same as age of consent for sex. In other words, you girlfriend would need parental permission.

Thanks for the link,

I don't think the bolded part is true. Anyone is allowed to have an abortion, it is their decision and their baby. Not their parents.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CGM91

Thanks for the link,

I don't think the bolded part is true. Anyone is allowed to have an abortion, it is their decision and their baby. Not their parents.

That's true, but age is a consideration.

Think about it, if she's not legal to have sex then being pregnant would cause problems, because she obviously has had sex.

She may be able to get an abortion without parental consent, but the clinic would have
To report her age to authorities.

I'm not trying to scare you, I'm only being honest. It's best that you talk things out with her. Obviously a publicly funded clinic is your best bet, because health care would cover the cost, but I have to assume that publicly funded facilities will be even more concerned with her age and the fact that she's not of legal consent.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CGM91

Anyone is allowed to have an abortion, it is their decision and their baby. Not their parents.

Not so. An abortion is an invasive medical procedure that carries with it many risks. Your girlfriend is not old enough to completely comprehend the possible risks involved with an abortion or any other medically invasive procedure, therefore, her parents must give consent as they are her legal ADULT guardians.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

Not so. An abortion is an invasive medical procedure that carries with it many risks. Your gf is not old enough to completely comprehend the possible risks involved with an abortion or any other medically invasive procedure, therefore, her parents must give consent as they are her legal ADULT guardians.

Do you know this for a fact? I know that abortions are much safer then giving birth. There are many types of abortions, If she is pregnant I think she would be most comfortable with either pill ingestion (where she has a normal period and bleeds out the fetus) or suction where they.. "vacuum" the fetus out of the womb.

I found this site;

The Morgentaler Clinic

If she is pregnant, I am going to email them and ask them questions. It says if I am an Ontario Citizen then Health Care Pays for it. However, if I am not an Ontario Resident then the price will be around 500-600 dollars.

I want to make sure she is as safe and comfortable as possible, and I also want to make sure that I don't get my butt sued.

It's a lot of stress, it is very hard not to stress even when you are not sure of if she is pregnant or not.

Me and at least one other have asked you a few times now, is she really wanting an abortion if she is pregnant or is this still you wanting her o have an abortion? Why won't you answer? Even now, talking about specific types of abortions its still "i think she..." not actually what she thinks or feels, still all about your thoughts.

Are you already pressuring her to get an abortion? How does she feel about it? (Many girls her age want a baby "to love.") And how will she feel about an abortion (and you) afterwards -- and in years to come? This isn't just an inconvenient little piece of tissue inside her, if she's truly pregnant.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CGM91

Do you know this for a fact? I know that abortions are much safer then giving birth.

I am a registered nurse working in the women's health field... specifically labor and delivery. Yes, I know this for a fact. A person must be 18 to enter into a legal contract... this includes medical consent forms.

Now, you are putting the cart before the horse. You don't even know if she IS pregnant yet. You are just freaking out because she is late and you know this is common for her.

Also, you don't even know that she would want an abortion. You are just preparing for what you want.

Simply put, young man, if you aren't ready for the consequences of adulthood, then don't play the game. Three P's come to mind here... Keep your penis in your pants until you are ready to be a paren't.

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I want to make sure she is as safe and comfortable as possible, and I also want to make sure that I don't get my butt sued.

Sued?

Sweetie, you'd be listed as a sexual predator. You'd be charged with statutory rape. This isn't a matter of paying some money and sweeping it under the rug. This is a criminal charge.

Quote:

Originally Posted by justcurious55

me and at least one other have asked you a few times now, is she really wanting an abortion if she is pregnant or is this still you wanting her o have an abortion? why won't you answer? even now, talking about specific types of abortions its still "i think she..." not actually what she thinks or feels, still all about your thoughts.

I am not sure if she wants an abortion.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CGM91

I am not sure if she wants an abortion.

If you aren't sure, then stop planning it. Be mature and wait until you find out if she is or isn't before you start making plans. Remember, you aren't the only one involved here. In the end, it is her decision, not yours.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

If you aren't sure, then stop planning it. Be mature and wait until you find out if she is or isn't before you start making plans. Remember, you aren't the only one involved here. In the end, it is her decision, not yours.

That is true, she is the one harvesting and creating the baby. However, neither of us are ready for parent hood. We both have a lot going for our self and having a child...

I don't want to say it is a mistake, it is a surprise.

Anyway, I am worrying and planning for the future. It is the only thing I can do right now.

And yes I understand that I can be charged, do you know if I can be charged if my girlfriend and her parents do not want to lay charges? Can the government still charge me with statuary rape? (which I think is complete B.S).

I appreciate all the answers and opinions.