Okay bear with me for this story if its long... but me and my ex started dating August 26th, 2008, almost one year ago. Everything was perfect, she was my first girlfriend, first kiss, first everything! I was so happy! I treated her like a princess, our first date was at the fanciest restaurant in town, afterwords I surprised her by taking her to this park with a lake, with a blanket, pillow, and candle, full moon. I got her flowers on numerous occasions, made her cookies, would always open her door and buckle her in to make sure she is safe.

Then in October, she was on myspace, posted a bulliten, and this guy emailed her... long story short, they started texting and next thing I know, she was telling him she loved him too, and 'babe', and she is a cheerleader, so the guy from another school was a football player and they met a few times and kissed, made out or whatever, but that was it.

I broke up with her when I found out but she cried and wanted me back because she knew she loved me so much, I was the person she fell hardest for, no doubt, so I took her back, and she cheated on me 4 other times with him from october-november. The 4th time I had it, I ignored her for a full week and she cried when she saw me and told me she loved me only. She deleted that guy off her phone and myspace and really did prove to me she loved me only.

So we were good until around xmas... I lost my job, but had 4K saved up, so I spent like 1,000 on her and gave her the best xmas ever. But soon after she wanted to hang out with this other football player from another school alone on a date. I said no and we eventually we got over it... but he comes up later on.

Then the week of my birthday in February, she breaks up with me for this guy on myspace she never met before, he comes down from la and he is short, smelly, horrible at talking to her, and she blew me off that entire week then after her sucky date she wants me back. But I started having feelings for her friend at the time. She saw that and it killed her.. eventually I stopped talking to her friend and we were fine.

Fast forward to now. We went on many more trips and dates and I gave her a promise ring back in march. We were great but then bam, in June, she breaks up with me because she isn't happy... 2 days later, that guy she wanted to hang out with in December alone, well she went to his house alone in his room... nothing happened because I guess he smokes weed and she hates that, but still. 2 weeks later she misses me and wants me back. I take her back but break up with her like 5 hours later because I'm so disgusted and her going over to his house.

We hung out still and about 5 days later I ask her to be my girlfriend again, but she said no! I was hurt! I didn't do anything to her! In fact, 3 weeks ago I took her on a wonderful date and movie and everything, we made love even and that night she said she fell out of love with me. Then 5 days later we hung out, I buy her a dress, bra, flowers, cookies, made her a card, she said we'll get back together soon, then she ends up telling me the next day to move on... and she changes her number on me.

She ignored me for a week then calls 2 days in a row at 1am saying she misses me. She stops for another week, then calls again from her new number, (she is blocking her new number btw) saying how my day was. I lied of course and said "it was great!" she said "why what did you do? were you with another girl or something?", so I said its none of her business we aren't together. And I haven't heard from her since :(



I honestly miss her. Trust me, many of you will say "dude she sounds like she is using you" but I do want her back. Call me crazy, but I don't know what her motive is behind all of this! She has never gone this long without talking to me, does she not miss me or care anymore? I really need help :( sorry its long.

She is ignoring you... red flag

She doesn't give you her new number... RED FLAG!!

Move on and don't chase someone who either plays games or flat out ignores you. You have done way too much for her and she knows she has you wrapped around her finger. Cut the ties, man up, and NEVER let someone treat you like garbage. Let her go flaunt her open legs to other dudes, don't be a sucker for her ignorance. And no, she doesn't miss you... sorry pal, but the only thing she misses is your wallet and nothing else. If your wallet had a penis attached to it I fear you would for sure be the odd man out...

I'm surprised you've put up with this for so long. She knows she can always run back to you. Don't let her anymore. There are girls out there that understand monogamy. Trust me. You're wasting your time.

Seems she is only after your wallet and the fringe benefits.
Notice every time she breaks up it is over money or another guy.

Break up because of a guy
Break up AFTER she gets her Christmas presents
Break up BEFORE YOUR birthday so she doesn't have to buy you anything'
Break up for yet another guy

She isn't into you.
She has you by the strings and the pocket book.
Find somebody deserving of YOU!

Well that's the thing everyone says "she was after your money" but no one really knows our relationship. We honestly did love each other deeply.

She was my first everything, I wasn't her first kiss or anything but we were each other's first sex/ making love. Also we went on vacations with her family to magic mountain, and the beach for 4 days. It was really amazing all those times.

I don't see how she can look past all those memories now.


Like, I won't lie, I really am devisated, make fun of me if you want but I have been crying myself to sleep for at least 10 days straight now. I'm so upset and everything is going bad for me. Car broken down, broken hand, my job is laying off people. And she isn't there...

Why is she doing this? How can I get her to miss me and want me back if she is the one in the power of 'no contact'? I have no form of contact with her at all now.

Especially with our would be one year coming up, this is really hard on me

No one is making fun of you
We know how devasting it is to find out that someone you have strong feelings for disregards what you did have for someone else.

She probably did love you but she has her priorities and messed up and she is very likely materialistic.

I don't know that you can get her to miss you back but as the others have pointed out
She KNOWS that she can do as she pleases and leave you for plan B when she feels like returning

As much as this hurts you, there is an important step you really need to take. IGNORE her from now on. Her actions clearly indicate she is a user and you, being a great guy, are easily taken advantage of.

It is time for you to invest value in yourself and rid yourself of things that do nothing good for you. She is a girl and you are going towards the age of dating actual women. There is a huge difference. You deserve better and you know it.

The thing between us is, she never opened up to anyone about anything before me. Her really deep secrets about what her step dad did, and how we were each others first, it brought us pretty close.

I don't take her blocked calls anymore, I told her, I will not answer you until you call me from a real number, I treated you like a princess and you threw it all away, I deserved to be treated like someone you care about. And I haven't heard from her since of course...

I just don't know what's going through her head. Her step dad (her mom's ex) is phyco. A few weeks ago, he found out that her mom had a new boyfriend and came over to their apartment with a gun, and threatened everyone, now she is living with her uncle and the rest of her family.

I mean don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect, I'll admit I yelled at her during our relationship, I even knew her myspace password and saw that she was flirting with other guys.

She knows though that I'm a really nice guy, I don't see why 'she needs time and space' to think about me. It hurts being the closest thing ever to acting like we don't know each other

You are clearly upset and that is totally understandable. The point of asking for advice is ordinarily to get objective opinions. I know how you feel and trust me, once you think logically about this and let the emotional dust clear, you will see the way she treated you is just not right. This stuff happens to everyone at some point in time and you are no different. Take time to be heartbroken and get all of the emotions out... the quicker you distance yourself from her the easier it will be for you.

Sorry if I come off sounding like I am not open to anyone else's opinions or ideas to help me. I am trust me, don't worry, its just they are saying to move on and forget it, and its not easy considering she was a big impact on my life so far.

I have not talked to her since Monday the 10th, she called like 9 times and I finally answered. That's when she asked about my day and how she said "why was it good? was it because of a girl? if so i'll have to kick her wont i?" I don't get why she said that then ignores me again for another 5 days...

I'm hoping she realizes what she is missing out on. I just worry if she misses me or thinks about me :-/

It's all right... believe me, when I was feeling like you I asked for all the advice in the world but didn't pay attention to most of it... it sucks to go through but you'll be fine. I spent many a sleepless nights worrying about things that were out of my control. We are here for you!

I keep running into her family to! I ran into them last Friday at a park, then at church, then the mall yesterday.

Ugh, and I keep having these dreams and she is in them. I know for a fact I made a huge impact on her life, and her family's to. I loaned her mom at least 350 bucks for bills and stuff, she hasn't paid me back yet but she is unemployed right now.

I just can't fathom how someone can treat someone who loves them so much like crap.

Typically on sunday's we will see each other at church. Last Sunday she came up to me and gave me a half hug and said she'll call me, she never did...

If I see her this Sunday I'm thinking of just avoiding her completley..

Surely you see the pattern that's so obvious. You have a great time, she cheats, you get mad, she cries, you take her back. Your in the she is doing her thing part, and you know she will eventually cry for you back.

Don't keep falling for her BS, and disrespect any longer, I don't care how many good times, and great sex, you have had. She uses that to set you up for another one of her romps on the wild side because, you will take her back no matter what she does.

Break the cycle by your own "No Contact", and move beyond that vicious cycle of abuse.

Clearly its time for female #2 to come into your life, but first you must close the door forever on #1. Heal, and be ready for a real adult relationship, and learn your lessons from this one, and make the next one better.

It takes time, and its going to hurt for a while, but you will live through it, and be better for it.

Quote:

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if I see her this Sunday I'm thinking of just avoiding her completley..

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IGNORE THE WHOLE FAMILY, but keep your money to yourself from now on, a very expensive lesson to learn, but a good one to never forget.

Well I should say this before we go any farther. We didn't really have 'real sex'. We had real sex in September until halloween. Then on halloween night, we did it, but she was really dry and we tried something new and it hurt her, a few days later we tried doing it again and it hurt worse.

She said it felt like her bladder dropped and I could never put it in all the way without a sharp pain. So we pretty much grinded from halloween until now. She was not faking this pain. Believe me, she wanted to make love numerous times but we had to grind.

I ended up taking her to the doctor and spent 400 dollars on pills for her, she had a uti I guess but she never took the pills! She is afraid to get fixed but she said its something between me and her only and she wanted me to be there when she gets fixed.

So... she cannot have sex, at least real sex with anyone else... I don't know if that's karma or what? But either way I still miss how we were intimate.

Of course you miss it. That's human, but don't let those feelings make a fool out of you.

Well the day we hung out where I bought her a dress, bra, cookies, flowers, hand made card, lunch, dinner, groceries for her so she can eat at home... I kept saying I love her and she only said it like twice, but she seemed to care about me and made me think we would get back together, then BAM, next day 'jason you need to move on', then its changing her number.

Before she changed her number I went on a text and call spree, asking her back and everything.


Now, I do not want to do this because I care about other girls too much, but what if I got a new girlfriend, would it make her jealous and want me back? Or, would it only result in her being sick of me of her getting a rebound boyfriend to?

She got SUPER jealous back in march when I talked to her friend who I had feelings for, she never let me forget that. When I got mad at her a few weeks ago, she said mean stuff so I was mean back and said "oh yea, well I bet 'blank' is a better girlfriend than you ever would have been, I should try getting at her shouldn't I! ' of course I was mad and didn't mean it but she said hateful stuff to me...

Thing is she is seeing everything from HER point of view. She wants you to go out of your way for her, she wants you to not talk to girls that might be competition in her eyes. But DON'T you do anything to tick her off.

There is NO living with a girl like that.

I think I'm really emotionally attatched to this girl, because I used to be HUGE, like, overweight, long haired, nasty. But my junior year of high school I transformed myself. I lost so much weight, I have a 6 pack pretty much, muscles, I'm lean, look really good, and I could have had so many girls back in high school after my transformation, but I REALLY had my eyes on her for a whole year. Then when I found out this girl 2 years younger than me liked me also, I was in shock and so happy.


We just have a weird unique story that I probably won't have with anyone else, like how we met or began talking. Its probably why I'm so hesitant on just leaving her be and letting her live her life without me.


Okay, true, she may not have been the best girlfriend, but I loved her to death, I always had fun with her regardless of anything.

I was thinking of being a nice guy again and texting her mom saying 'just keep the 350 you owe me, spend it on the kids, take yourself out to a nice dinner, you deserve it, you have a terrific family' or something like that. I don't want to be mean and be like 'i want that money you owe me'

You can transform your emotional ties with her too. You need to just start reconditioning your mind to be independent and get out there and get a life. The right girl will come along.

What are you going to do if you take her back and she continues dumping you at her convenience.

We all go through the emotional pain of getting over an x but we all make it.
You have to get yourself strong minded.

I've been hanging out with my friends to try and get my mind off her but as soon as I get home, bam the feelings are back, when I sleep, I can't sleep, when I wake up, I look at my phone and don't see a good morning text. I'm beginning to get used to it but I can't help but feel like it was my fault this time.

I was the nice boyfriend for the longest time but when we split, I still took her on dates, but then when she started adding a lot of new guys on her myspace, they were all football players, so, I was mean and called her a 'jock whore' because she also cheated on me with a football player before... so I called her that.

Then as the name game got meaner, she said something like 'why don't you take some viagra', so I told her 'go clean yourself rotten crotch', YES I KNOW THAT WAS REALLY WRONG OF ME. I know I know I know. I shouldn't have said that but this was right after a really nice dinner we had once we were broken up.

I forgave her for all the cheating, and the presents she never bought me for xmas, or my birthday, or valentines, or easter, or anything, or all the times she compared me to other guys, but now she can't forgive me for this and I feel bad

You are still thinking 'couple' and 'relationship', and there is none.

I know you expected to hear exactly what you've heard. That she is a user, and you fell for it to the tune of probably thousands of dollars. She's cheated on you more times to count, and keeps you dangling on the end of a string- just in case she wants something from you.

For heaven's sake, her mother owes you money now??

I don't know why you are so naïve, and blind to what is happening to you. You ignore all the obvious signs, and justify her very bad behaviour, and you're continuously looking to justify the smallest detail, and explain away her behaviour.

Instead of concentrating on all the negativity and emotional abuse she throws your way, why not think instead of the positive qualities you obviously possess, that you can bestow upon another woman, who would appreciate and cherish you back. Love isn't about taking, it's about giving.

You are gentle, kind and generous. You are a good catch!! You're romantic and sensitive to the needs of others, and you care enough to put their needs first. You give, far more than you receive. You are loyal, faithful, and true to your values.

Now turn the above paragraph around, and pretend that is what you are looking for in a woman. And, I'm sure if you really think about it, you can add more.

So, if you have what you have now, and you could have what you know you could- isn't it time to cut your losses and move on?

I know you say she loved you but even users can love someone in their own messed dysfunctional sort of way but you need to do better for yourself. Someday you will look back and think ''What did I ever really see in her anyway'' Great times but better will come along later.

A rant, or vent is very understandable, but being a big wuss, is not. Man up buddy, you have been had big time, and to go back to them, and bend over so her, and her family, can put more boots up your a$$, is not acceptable either. Cry for your loss, but don't go back for more of the same.

Lol all my buddies say that, they're like "dude, grow a pair of balls, she used you til you were bone dry, now she is ignoring you and not taking you back, why do you care about someone who treated you like that"

I did have a question though. What is going through her mind when she calls me from her blocked number, and I ignore her now? Will that bug her, or will it be nothing?

I got a blocked call the other night but I ignored it, never got another call back... will it begin to bug her if she see's I'm not talking to her? Or if at church, I meet a new girl maybe?

It will bug her that you are not giving her the upper hand.
It will bug her that she sees that maybe you are not the easy going guy that will take her back so easily.

Don't worry what is going through her mind though.

I have a saying that goes " I know I have something to worry about when I can figure out what is going through their mind''
Meaning you are better off not stooping to their thought level.

Who cares what it does to her?? Worry about what your doing for yourself. That's what counts.

I just found out...

She has a new boyfriend already :(

2 weeks after she said she loved me and I got her a dress and bra and everything :(

Eff my life...


Literally I feel like my heart just got ripped out once again.

Our one year is August 26th and she already has a new boyfriend.
I can't believe this.

All the intimate stuff we did, she will do with another guy now. God I want to just die now I hate this

Its so weird, I have not cried tonight, I am more in a state of shock and disbelief than I am depressed. How could she do this to me I keep thinking, why is she in a new relationship already??


Is this the rebound guy? Does this mean my ex really does have feelings for me still and she is trying to get over me? But it will fail because she will see that the other guy has more flaws than me?

I already broke no contact with her unfortunately, earlier I emailed her saying "congrats on your new boyfriend, thats good your moving on, just dont give yourself up so easily to him unless you know he really loves you like i did, take care, i know me talking to you pushes you away more so i'll keep this email short, bye"

Seriously what are the charactersitics of a rebound relationship already?? I don't get it, is it more good news or more bad news for me, does she still care then and is trying to put all her feelings aside that I didn't talk to her all week?

Or... is she one of those girls who can't be alone, she always has to feel loved or something. Please help, I feel so alone and used...

Isn't this illegal. A 17 year old, and a 19 year old?

She's starting a new relationship already because she's only 17 years old.

She is at an age where that's what 17 year olds do. They go from boyfriend to boyfriend, and along the way hopefully learn what they need to know, so that when the time comes for them to want a serious relationship, they have a clue or two.

Talkling about the 'rebound guy' or new boyfriend, and how it happened and why, and what it means, could have as many meanings as Elvis has sequens. You could drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out, and even if you did, it wouldn't mean anything anyway.

You are still thinking that you have some stake in how she thinks and behaves. You don't. She is free to do as she pleases. You no longer have a relationship with her, and now you know that she has a new boyfriend, and the last person she's thinking about now, is you.

It is painful to break up when you don't want to, or when you don't see the reasons for it, didn't see it coming, or can't understand it. Trying to understand it particularly is impossible.

This hurt you have will ease with time. I think for your sake that it's a good thing she made the decision for you to move on, because you wouldn't have likely done it yourself. I know that's just my opinion, and you are living with the pain right now, but you will be okay.

I hope that eventually you will find someone that you can trust.

Basically over the past year this girl has tried to have her cake and eat it too. She wants you as her chips on the side that she can go to once the cake hits the floor with another guy.

You deserve so much more in a relationship than this. She is a young girl, she is not ready for the commitment that she feels is coming from the relationship that you two had. She cheated on you way too many times for you to put up with.

I hope that you can realize that no contact whatsoever means no contact with family, her friends, and most definitely not her. Who cares that she has a new boyfriend? You need to find you a woman! Not a girl, who doesn't know what she wants in life right now! Good Luck in moving on in your life and relationships =)

I just woke up and I'm still in a state of 'wow this happened to me'

I still don't get it :( I don't think I ever will.
I ignore her for a week, when we talked Monday she was worried I was talking to another girl and now she has a boyfriend.


Is there any good that can come out of a situation like that, does it show she still cares somewhat and is having a hard time getting over me? Do most women regret their rebound relationships after they dated a pretty awesome guy for a long term?

NO it doesn't show she cares
It is I don't want him and nobody else can have him either because I am jealous
BUT I can go with who ever I want.

Ugh just so much bad stuff is happening and now I have no one to be there by my side.
In the past month and a half:

Broken hand
Alternator goes bad in car 1
Car 2 engine fries up
Dad has to have back surgery/ could be crippled for good
My job is laying off people
Car 1 engine goes out on me last night, walked 9 miles home.
Found out the ex has a new boyfriend
My mom just left my dad.


Okay so sorry I'm so upset about this girl having a new boyfriend and suddenly just forgetting one year's worth of memories with me, but it's the fact I'm fending for myself now with all these problems and no money to take care of them.

I'm so sorry to hear all that. I've gone through many things at once like that too. Hang in there. We're here to talk to whenever you need us. So do you have a car 2?

J life is hard at times but we have all been there and will be there again. I am sorry life sucks at the moment but have faith it does better. I think the emotional toll of the break up and her having a new boyfriend is sort of making everything else seem worse than it is.

Relax, take some time for yourself, get your life situated and get better. Good luck!

It definatley is making everything worse than it is.

Want to know what just happened this morning.
My mom walked out on my dad, she wants a divorce now. Its like all this stuff keeps piling ontop of one another, and I keep remembering that she is off doing stuff with another guy now, while I got all this stuff going on in my life with no one to help me or be by side.


I hope karma is real. It needs to come back and bite my ex in the butt big time. She gave up something so great to her, I did everything, and she throws it all away like nothing.

You have to sort out what you can deal with from everything you have no control over and work from there
You know the serenity prayer

God, give us grace to accept with serenity
The things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
Which should be changed,
And the Wisdom to distinguish
The one from the other.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

What are the odds she comes back to me?
People are telling me this is a rebound to get over me, but she will realize that she misses me more than gets over me?

Any truth to this?

People aren't her. They may just be saying that to comfort you or get your hopes up
If you want to wait then wait but don't really expect anything. Take care of your problems in the meantime and let the chips fall where they are going to.