Ask Me Help Desk - He had sex before

He had sex before

So.. I'm dating a guy who had sex before with other girls.
He already asked for it with me.
I don't know if I should stop this dating or just see what he is really like.
Any suggestions :confused:?

I don't think you should dump him because he has had sex. Firstly, how old are you? Secondly, maybe all the girls he's slept with were ex girlfriends.. If you don't want to have sex with him don't, but don't dump him unless you just don't like his personality.

Yes that's what I am thinking as well. I'm 14 soon 15.

Just say no, and don't be pressured into sex. Some guys move from girl to girl to see how many they can "score" with.

How old is this guy

He is 15 but soon 16. He is one year bigger than me.

This is something that you can only know if it is the right thing to do. If he has slept around with so many girls he is most likely a guy that wants to see how many girls he can have sex with. Try to move away from this guy because maybe someday you will meet someone you really love and wish you didn't have sex with this guy. Do the right thing.

I don't know how many girls he slept with. He just told me he isn't a virgin.
I'm not thinking about having sex with him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Myhearthasgone

I'm not thinking about having sex with him.

There you go, just tell him that in those exact words. "I'm not thinking about having sex with you." Then change the subject nonchalantly.

Don't ever let someone rush you into sex. Of course he asked you to have sex with him, he's a teenage boy, he's had sex, now he wants more. That doesn't mean you have to be the next notch on his bedpost.

If you tell him no and he leaves, then at least you know what he's all about before you get any further into this relationship.

Good luck.

So.. I'm back here.
I got to know that all the girls he's slept with weren't ex girlfriends.
He still does it with a girl he picks because he told me.
He is being very honest with me... and he says that he doesn't want to lie to me and bring me down.

He asked me to start a relationship with him and he promised that he would stop doing this going around with every girl.

If it was you, would you trust him?

Have you ever heard this story:

Quote:

The Turtle and the Scorpion

A scorpion, being a very bad swimmer, asked a turtle to carry him on its back across a river.

"Are you mad?" exclaimed the turtle. "You'll sting me while I'm swimming and I'll drown."

"My dear turtle," exalted the scorpion, "If I was to sting you, you would drown and I'd go down with you. Now where is the logic in that?"

"You're right," said the turtle. "Hop on."

The scorpion climbed aboard and halfway across the river gave the turtle a mighty sting.

As they both sank to the bottom, the turtle asked, "Before I die, I must ask you something? You said there is no logic in your stinging me. Why did you do it?"

"It has nothing to do with logic," the drowning scorpion replied. "It's just my nature."

The fable of the turtle and the scorpion is referenced in today's popular culture to illustrate the irrepressible nature of one's self at its basic level.

The truth revealed is that a person will “usually” remain consistent in their deeds, words and actions based on their past history. (Their nature)
==========
I know you want to believe he'll be different. And he may be. Human nature indicates he most likely won't. Even if it costs him something in the end, he will most likely remain true to his nature.

So, do you want to be the turtle that knows better and takes the scorpion on her back anyway? It is totally up to you.

This isn't about trust. You already know not to trust him. If you start 'dating' him, you still won't trust him.

This is about risk-management. You two will break up at some point in the future over something, perhaps you find it comforting to know in advance what it will be.

You don't HAVE to believe the scorpion, but you can choose to.

Last thought, when he does betray you, who are you going to be mad at... him or you? Getting mad at him would be pretty pointless.

I must know better than this I know.I'm very responsible and whatever but I have just got dumped and I really need somebody to love me or better say I need to feel loved.
I know he will hurt me but it's like I don't care about myself anymore ='(.
I'm feeling very bad about it.

Myhearthasgone - This boy will do whatever it takes to get to you. Some boys will even tell you they love you and want to start a life with you, I know this because this has happened to me many times and when they didn't get what they want they left. Respect yourself. Respect your body. You are better than this and there is always something out there for you. Focus on yourself and making yourself a better person try not to focus on relationships and having to be with someone, I know a lot of people tend to like to put more focus on being with someone and they eventually loose themselves.

You need YOU to love you enough to not jump into a maelstrom of bad for the one little benefit you get from it. It's like doing drugs... you DO feel really good right after you do them, but they are meanwhile doing permanent damage to you under the hood.

The cure you're considering is worse than the symptom you're trying to ease. Being alone hurts. Heck, I get that! We all do. But being with a guy you already know is going to hurt you in a big way... I hope you love and respect yourself enough to not choose this particular drug.

Feeling bad isn't the end of the world. It's a mighty tough chapter in your life, but it's not the last chapter.

He said he loves me but I'm not that out of my mind to believe it.
Yes it feels BAD and a loooootttttttt =[
I never get to find the person who really love me :(

That's because you're looking for someone to GIVE you love. You're looking in the wrong direction.

You should be looking for someone you can admire, respect and stand next to GIVING love. That's the definition of happiness... being able to give love to someone you admire.

Getting it BACK... well, that's just ecstasy!

Quote:

I know a lot of people tend to like to put more focus on being with someone and they eventually loose themselves.

I feel like I'm losing myself already :(

Jbeaucaire - Your not a relationship expert as well? :) Well to you myhearthasgone, you are looking for love in the wrong places like I said. It will come to you. I have been in that place when boys told me they love me, and of course I never believed it, the good thing is I always knew who I was through all that. Where do you feel like you lost yourself?

I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 19. Was I lonely? No, I was too busy for that with my schoolwork, job and volunteering, societies and sport.

When I went to uni I had loads to talk about because I'd done so much stuff I had guys hanging on my every word and I didn't need to try. (OK I sound a bit like an egotistical arse here but you'll have to take my word.)

This is because people who have a life and do things are more attractive. Love finds you when you are not looking for it, when you are too busy living life.

You need to get out there and do thing, contribute, take part, work hard. And then you won't be sad and lonely, or needing love. You need to love what you do and love yourself first before you even think about relationships.

Life too short to waste it moping after a snake (or scorpion!)

NO.

Don't have sex with him.

If he's 15 and has had sex with a lot of girls, that shows he's a shallow douche who just wants to get laid.

Hi there, I've just ad the very same problem with a guy aving sex before, all I can say like many other people is just take it slow and don't get pressured into anything.
I'm 13 and I went out with a 15 yr old and thinking about it now I don't even no why I went out with him because he had a rubish personality, he didn't look rite good, and allsorts of other bad stuff. I think I went out with him because he was older and a lot of my friends liked him.

He asked me for sex in the cinema toilets on the 1st date, he had a 1 trak mind.
If your bloke only talks about sex you no the only fing he's after, if he's pushing you let him go!

Find someone you really love to loose your virginity 2 because your only a virgin once

Chess xxx

Stop and think... give yourself time 2 grow mentally as well as physically... it sounds like this guy is only trying 2 get in your pants but he is puting up a good front... sex is not to be rushed in2 it is to be taken seriously and done with someone you love an loves you back

Don't do what you don't want to. Don't trust who you don't want to. Nobody's forcing you to be with him except for him. Step back, don't think about what he has SAID, think about he has DONE. Does he ACT sincere? Is he a good enough person that you HONESTLY think will change? Or is he just buttering you up with sweet words? Don't fall for a wolf in disguise. Be smart, don't listen to his words. Listen to his actions.

Thanks for all of your advice...
The thing is OK I'm not going to have sex with him! I'm more mature..
My question is if I should keep dating him?

Templelane had some really good stuff to say on this subject, personally, (ima go back and rep that!)...

I don't see why you shouldn't DATE him (if that's really the issue). I think it's deeper than that... like it's a TRUST issue. Maybe you've been hurt by someone before? A friend? A family member? You might feel that you need to guard your feelings a little... and that's totally fine, dude. Do what feels right.

You don't know him and the more you date him the more you'll get to know him (and him you). You BUILD trust... Your relationship developes and if he's "worthy" then you stay with him.. until you get bored of each other, I mean you're still only 15, -almost-. By 15 your not such a little girl anymore. You know what you feel deep down inside you and you need to listen to yourself. Instincts play a HUGE roll in who you choose as a boyfriend (or even bff). If your boyfriend "feels right" then you continue on... If he comes off as suspitious IN ANY WAY then BYE-BYE B*TCH! He's JUST a boy... Boys will come and they will go...

You have to be selfish right now in your life. It's TOUGH to be 15... one of the few toughest years ahead of you. Just LISTEN to your instincts. At ANY TIME you can just dump him. It's not a HUGE commitment to date him or anything. It's only a huge one to have oral sex or SEX. Like remember... all you really have at your age is your reputation.. and boys LOVE to talk about "who's doing who" and "who does what". They live to find the next babe who might "do them"... lol, their horny little buggers! (It's not their fault, it's the nature of the beast, LMFAO!).

Stick to boys in the end that are at the same level of comfort that you are at... after all who's life are you living? His or yours? BE ALL ABOUT YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Trust me, he won't be...

Just remember the Scorpion and the Turtle (post #11 above). As long as you're OK with the reality of the risk, take the scorpion onto your back.

I am a male and I know that a male will lie sometimes to get what he wants, I also know that a guy that is the most honest and honorable person will try to get a girl engaged in a talk about sex. This is for several reasons, first it is exciting to him to talk about sex with you, all the time that he is talking to you he probably has an erection, therefore very pleasurable to him. Also the more he talks to you about sex he thinks that it will make you a little less resistant to have sex with him.

One other thing I know about guys they do not have to like you to have sex with you in fact a lot of them don't like you but they will do anything for sex.

Don't get me wrong I am not talking about all guys, I am talking about the ones that have not been taught right from wrong and have not been taught to respect females.

We have to remember that she's really talking about DATING him. Not as much the sex part...

Quote:

Originally Posted by SweetDee

We have to remember that she's really talking about DATING him. Not as much the sex part...

Yes, I'm sure I won't have sex with him... I mean it's not because I don't want to or anything like that but I respect myself.

I would NOT do it. You virginity is something that can only be given away one time. Make sure it is given to a guy who really loves you. I would wait if I were you. You can't take it back once it has been given.

Why would you want to date him if he is having sex with other girls? He probably won't stop unless you are having sex with him. I would clarify the fact that you are not ready to have sex yet and see what he says.

No I won't have sex with him. I am sure of that.

Well remember that if you start dating him he can pressure you even more abou thaving sex. If your absolutely sure that you can control him and yourself, then go ahead. But be careful, if he is the kind of guy who just sees how many girls he can sleep with, then you're in for a really bad run.

Just because your with someone that has had sex before is not a good reason to break up with them and I'm not telling you you should sleep with him because your young maybe you need to slow down and talk to him about it and you should let him know that you don't want to be rushed and if you don't understand that then all he want's from you is sex and you should move on

He wants to know if I had sex before. I don't want to tell him I didn't. What should I say? *confused*

You see? This is your problem. You have no foundation to deal with this guy at all. You are somehow embarrassed at answering the simplest of sexuality questions.

You need to walk away from this guy. Seriously. I TOLD you he was going to keep the sex issue going, it's on his mind, he's "activated" and you're not. You two are NOT in the same mindset.

If you stay around him only ONE thing can result, you will lose your virginity to him and hate yourself because you don't actually want to do it.

If you can't say, "No, I'm a practicing virgin." and be happy that it's true and non-embarrassing, then you are capable of being manipulated. YOU ARE CAPABLE OF BEING MANIPULATED. Do you understand this? Your embarrassment will betray you in the area of morals.

Either stand by your morals happily, out loud, and without shame, or get the heck away from people who tempt the issue.

Do it yesterday.

Hunny, if you need to ask other people if you should trust him, I really think your heart is telling you something. You are obviously not comfortable. You know there is a saying, that every woman he slept with, your sleeping with when you have sex. What happens if he never used protection, you have to think about sexually transmitted diseases. It is a very serious problem. And don't bother asking him if he has any... chances are that if he already askd you to have sex, e either doesn't know or does and that's bad.

Well I'm a guy and I didn't want to have sex with a girl that had it before. That's just nasty to know someone else was in there. Imagine where his little guy has been, its kind of nasty. Just think about it. Don't you want to be a guys first and only one? Its hard to do that but just don't waste your virginity on a guy who has lost his, and still has sex with other girls.

If a girl had sex w/ another man why do some of you guys feel like she's "nasy", (blessedwittalent... )? It's not like the last guys germs are still in her... she DOES bathe.

Maybe I don't get that train of mind... "saving yourself for your husband or wife". I think it's a controversial and debatable idea. What if your significant other is selfish in bed? What if you discover that there really isn't enough chemistry?

Too many variables...

I mean its nasty to think that some body else has already been there. Its so good to just be fresh and not have to worry about past things. You only get one first time and it should be with someone really special to you