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6 threads merged
Wel I'm a girl I've just turned 17 I'm gay an I've come out to my family an friends an I met this girl wel we kind of beeen flirting a little bit but she is 14 an I don't know if it is wrong to date a girl this young as of the maturity levels between us, I just wanted your views thank you
I'd say that's probably up to the parents at that age.
Because people say go for it an date but other think its wrong so I have no idea but thank you
I guess I'm too old, but if this was a guy/girl situation, I would be screaming at you NO!
Two females, on the other hand... I really don't know... in some ways sounds harmless...
But then again at 14... wow... I really don't know!
Thank you, just don't know if I should or shouldn't
Well I can tell you if a 17 year old was after my 14 year old daughter I would have a problem with it. However if my 17 year was after a 14 year I wouldn't. I don't know if that makes me a hypocrite but the point is your both kids and as such the parents should be asked. If you can't ask the parents if it's cool for you two to hang out then you can't do it because neither of you are legal and neither of you can legally make decisions for yourself and I'd say this is an important decision that requires the parents.
Yeah I understand, we are both just mates at the moment with harmless flirting, but I feel sick as I like her an she's that young
Then you need to let it go for a few years. If you feel sick now, then your off to a bad start. If you have a nagging voice in the back of your head... LISTEN TO IT it is there for a reason, not be ignored.Quote:
Originally Posted by drummergirl6
No I only feel weird about is because of some comments on sites like this that say it wrong when I'm with her it feels fine an nothing I doing is wrong! Just comments I've read but then again that it between a girl an a guy but I surpose gender doesn't matter
Gender does not matter as I wouldn't let you around my 14 year old, male or female. Your just to old for her.
Too much age difference for a 14 year old. Would not let it with any of my kids
20 and 23 isn't a big gap, but 14 and 17, it might as well be 20 years. A fourteen year old is in a totally different place in her life than a 17 year old. She's 14 and not really sure of who and what she is or wants. I'm not saying that she's not gay, but she might just be experimenting at this age, that is one good reason not to date her.
If I had a 14 year old I wouldn't let her date a 17 year old, heck I probably wouldn't even let her date a 14 year old, I remember what it's like to be 14.
If you really care about her then wait a few years, 17 and 20 is still a gap but not nearly as big as it is now in terms of maturity.
Good luck.
I agree with Alty. If you still want to remain friends with her, that is fine, but she is too young for you at a maturity level.
Let me share something with you. My niece, when she was 13 yrs old and still trying to figure out who she was, said she was certain she was gay. She was hanging out with 16 and 17 yr old girls that were gay. She wanted to be liked, and wanted friends and found one friend who she started dating. (without our knowledge) She thought she finally found somewhere where she could fit in, and she liked it.
As she started getting older, she realized that she really wasn't gay, although we would've been fine with that had she been. She then started to act out. She started drinking, cutting, and tried to overdose, because she couldn't handle the things that she had done with this girl. It took her until she was almost 19, to get her head back on straight, and realise that what she did was just young experimentation.
I think you should really wait for your friend to mature enough to know herself, or it could really screw her up in later years. You already know who you are, but you can't be so sure that she does.
Darnit, I had to spread the love Starby. That was a wonderful, very accurate post, so true. OP, try and remember when you where 14, and realize that at this time, your age difference with this girl is just too great.
I wish you all the best, you will find someone great, but try and find someone your own age.
Good luck.
If you want more than just friendship
You have to go according to your state laws guy or girl
Heterosexual or gay
Most states law is 16 years minimum is age of consent.
Many states are 18 years.
In my opinion I think 17 years old is a bit young. So obviously I think 14 years old is way to young!
I was with my ex for over a year an a few months, and I known her longer that that we were mates to start with an things got rocky a while back for a few months an we broke up a few times an got back togeher, she was kind of possessive an controlling never wanting me to talk to anyone or do anything with my life, but she left me 3 weeks ago and she just never bothers at all I haven't heard from her at all an I don't understand why she always said she loved me an everythin and we use to argue a lot, (we was a gay couple) an it seems like everythin she eveer said to me was a lie an the way she treated me was just wrong but I still love her I just don't know what to do.. can't stop thinking about her I get out with mates etc but nothing is working? Help
Thank you for your comments
You need more than 3 weeks to get over her, so be patient, and give yourself more time. Read the stickies to this section, for some good idea to help you move on.
Thanks I've tried indulging myself in mates and other things my mind just always wanders to her
Not for nothing, but wasn't your last thread about still being in love with an ex?
It doesn't seem like that much of an age gap, but it really is when you're 17 and you're wanting to date a 14 yr. old. 14 is just so young. I remember how much I grew physically, mentally, socially... in that short 3 yrs. Chuff is right, though. It may be up to the parents on this one.
You are right, in that the gap between 17 and 14 is huge! A 14 yr old, no matter how mature, has a lot to learn about herself. A 17 yr old also has an awful lot to learn, with her raging hormones. It doesn't matter if the girl or boy, is gay or straight, it's a matter of getting to know and understand themselves. I would be just as against a 14 yr old boy/girl, dating a 17 yr old girl/boy, although being gay has a whole different set of challenges. Don't be in a hurry, and know that relationships will likely come and go, just as they do in a heterosexual relationship, so you need to be prepared and know that everything isn't going to be smooth sailing for you.Quote:
Originally Posted by erin7799
You need separate what was and what is. You need to NOT impugn past feelings and love declarations simply because they are no longer true.
You two tried to take you natural attraction to one another (something out of your control, right? It just happened on its own) and turn it into something more. During that time you express your deep feelings out loud. That's fine.
But reality proved you two weren't really compatible that way. And this has NOTHING to do with feelings, it's about longevity and compatibility, plain and simple.
So, it's over now. The feelings expressed were real, the intent was real, but it was not meant to succeed, and didn't.
Now, it's just a time thing. You'll move on at some point. But don't make the breakup any harder than it is by trying to compare "we are trying to make it" times with "we aren't trying anymore" times. OK?
Well, I have always dated older men.. You know, honestly its only 3 years difference. Im in a relationship right now and he is 37 and Im 21. 3 years isn't even extreme. I think if you care for her.. go for it. People are always going to have something to say... its just human nature to make others feel like they are doing something wrong cause its not something they would do. Just make sure parents are OK with it.
You are missing the point here. There is a huge difference between someone being 21 and dating someone older! A 13 yr old girl that hasn't yet learned about her sexuality, and her social skills, cannot make an informed decision based upon experience. Hormones are raging in your teen years, and wrong decisions are made based upon the heat of the moment, and the need to feel loved or part of the crowd. Being Gay, if that is the case, is hard enough to deal with when you are discovering your own sexuality, let alone trying to deal with someone that has already come to grips with their own gender preference.Quote:
Originally Posted by KissMe10der
What you have described is a totally different scenario. This is a case of a young teen, and a much older teen, who have not yet found their niche in life. Read back through all of the posts, and maybe you will understand a little bit more. You are comparing apples to oranges!
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ld-241251.html
Read through that thread if you have not already done so, though this thread given is male/female, the same concepts and advice apply to your situation.
I commend you for having the courage to come out to your parents.
Huge difference between a 14 yr. old and a 17 yr. old. I don't think you 2 at this age could possibly be at the same place in your lives. She's probably just barely out of middle school and you're on your way out of High School. It's just such a huge age gap at this point in your lives. When you're 21 and she's 18, that's totally different. By then she will have caught up to you.
No, it is wrong, the 14 year old is a child, not a mature person with a sexual personality. At this issue the 17 is nothing but a molestor and should know that 14 year old is off limits from a sexual view point.
Will do my best thank you
Quote:
Originally Posted by ForeverZero
Yeah it was I just trying to move on
You can't use a 14 year old girl to "move on". You need to take time for yourself and try to free yourself of the feelings that you have for the other person and then move on with someone who is your own age. If she's just a rebound anyway, ulimately she's going to be hurt.
Moving on doesn't work too well when you try to do it by jumping into another relationship
Rebounds only cause more problems and 14 yr olds are jail bait if somebody wants to make an issue out of it. Even if you don't do anything people do start rumors and lies.
Nah I ent running into anything we just good mates an she real nice
Even with the age difference of 21 and 37... I also started dating at 13. My 4 year relationship there was a 3 year difference. I was a freshmen, he was a junior in high school, when we started dating. I feel it was all right, but again people mature at different rates. What works for me, doesn't work for everyone.
If you feel strongly about her, go for it! Age shouldn't matter! :-) Good luck!
This is bordering on child abuse! It is wrong no matter how you look at it. 14 yr old girls should be more focused on their teen yrs. and not having to make relationship decisions. 14 is much too young whether the relationship is straight or gay. The maturity level is just not there! It's wrong on so many levels.Quote:
Originally Posted by meeeee
In your other thread you stated that you just broke up with your ex 3 weeks ago and is still in love with her. Is this the 14 year old, because I don't think so. Why woulc you even want to damage this girl if your not even over your past and drag her into?
Leave her alone and work with your own problems. I just confused with your posts and it seems this girl will only get hurt by you and like some people before she might be unsure of what sex she wants to get involve with, where as you already know. Let her mature and choose her own path.
Yeah she pretty much admitted that this girl is a rebound.
Are you guys 2years or 3 years apart?Quote:
Originally Posted by drummergirl6
Like is she turning 15 really soon? While your not turning 18 till next year?
Anyways- I think its OK, you can't get each other pregnant. The maturity levels might be a tad uneven. But if your both mature enough I say age has no limits.
May I ask where you live?
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