Ask Me Help Desk

Ask Me Help Desk (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum.php)
-   Teens (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/)
-   -   I'm fat and can't get a boyfriend (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/im-fat-cant-get-boyfriend-83524.html)

  • Apr 17, 2007, 08:13 AM
    xoxbabygirl
    I'm fat and cant get a boyfriend
    I'm in middle school and I weigh 220 an d I can't get a boyfriend cause of my weight and I like this kid at school and he only likes skinny grirls what should I do: :( :( :( :( :( :(
  • Apr 17, 2007, 08:51 AM
    Dani171986
    There's nothing you can do. If that's what he likes, you can't change his mind. Anything that is not the nor is never usually liked in school because the need to fit in. If you don't get a boyfirend while in school, its not the end of the world. People become more mature once out of school and start to form their own opnions on what they like and don't like, rather than what everybody else thinks. You'll find a guy, sooner or later who will like you, for you.
    I wasn't big in school, but I still didn't have a boyfriend. I wasn't the boys type either, but everything turned out all right for me. Don't think bad of yourself "im fat and can't get a boyfriend", list your good qualities why someone would like you.
    Pick yourself up
  • Apr 17, 2007, 08:52 AM
    Druid
    The choices we make now affect our future. For the most part, people do not make choices and merely go with the flow, not achieving what they want to achieve. Or they make rash choices without thought to the consequences or requirements entailed.

    Difficult choices here.

    You say you are fat. Lots of people who are overweight are happy with themselves and have happy married lives. Some people are not.

    So your first choice is a lifestyle choice. Do you want to be thin or are you happy to be fat. Both choices are hard and have consequences. Only you can decide. (Monica from friends).

    As for being thin just for a partner, Unless you wish to be thin for you, then you are fighting a losing battle. You want to be thin but are not, so you suffer SELF Perceived REJECTION Because OF YOUR WEIGHT. Therefore you feel low and eat to feel better, depressive thoughts can lead to this. This equals a constant negative emotionally draining battle...

    Or you can be thin for yourself. In which case this is then a lifestyle choice to eat less. (smaller meal portions - take in less fuel) and exercise more (burn off more fuel). This means that the work you have done is for you. Not for another. If a emotional connection with another you desire does not bear fruit or fails then this will not affect your weight.

    In simple terms. Lose weight for you. Not anyone else.
  • Mar 13, 2009, 11:50 AM
    cmeeks

    Boys in middle school are not as mature as the girls (I work in schools) though it may sound like you grandma looks don't matter in real love (I know I am overweight myself and did not marry until my 30s) You are young. Be the best person you can be, if you are OK with yourself others will notice and the felling will rub off on them. It may be the longer path but I do believe in the wheel of karma and what goes around comes around, so do your best be your best and respect others and yourself. You will be the better for it in all ways.
  • Mar 13, 2009, 12:38 PM
    starbuck8

    Babygirl, I'm certain that you are beautiful just the way you are. Please don't let others opinions of you mold who you are. Don't be the girl who hides in the background because she feels embarrassed. Be the girl in the front that is proud of herself.

    Have you talked to your Mom about eating healthier? Do you eat a lot of unhealthy foods that all full of calories but no nutrients? Things like fast food and soda? My niece and nephew were very heavy kids when they were your age. They ate a lot of fast food and drank a lot of soda. Both of them decided to cut out all fast foods and soda. I couldn't believe their weight loss in a matter of months. They were looking and feeling so good about themselves, that they decided to change other ways they ate too, and to exercise more. Now they are at a really good weight for their bodies.

    Whatever you do, don't go on one of those quick fix diets. They don't work. Losing weight and keeping it off, requires a change to healthier foods. Don't think this means carrot sticks and boring food. You can still have pretty much everything you eat now in moderation. It all depends on the way the food is prepared.

    Ask your Mom if she could get a book with recipes for healthier food. There are many. One that comes to mind is by Dr. Phil, and another by the guy (sorry, can't remember his name) that is one of the trainers on The Biggest Loser. These books not only give you recipes, but it explains how many foods help you to lose weight. Also, don't forget exercise. Find something you enjoy. Swimming, dancing, playing a sport, or even just walking. Anything that keeps you moving. Do it for yourself and your health, and not anybody else. Least of all a boy.

    A boy that likes a girl just because of her looks or body type alone, is just not worth your time.

    Good luck! :)
  • Mar 14, 2009, 10:57 PM
    none12345

    You should want someone who would love you for who you are. Can you say you truly love that guy? Or is it just a crush?? There are plenty of other people out there for loving you for who you are. The question is though are you happy with who you are? That's another question and if you aren't than maybe its time to do something about it during the summer and make it a goal?
  • Mar 15, 2009, 07:48 PM
    barbiechick123

    I agree with all of the above, like Starby said, you can try to eat healthier (for your sake) so you can feel and look better... about the guy, you shouldn't want someone that only likes a certain type of girl, if he's going to chose a skinny bimbo over an interesting chubby girl than he isn't worth it. Like someone who likes some looks and personality, and even though you might think guys like that don't exist, they do... you just need to find them (and it's not such a hard search)
  • Mar 17, 2009, 12:43 PM
    Bonita--
    First of all let me say, if a guy likes you for your looks then he doesn't respect you and will never really love you. Guys who go for girls ONLY because of their looks end up cheating because there's a million other pretty girls in the world and if he doesn't love you for you and respect you then what's to stop him from going to another girl? That isn't the kind of guy you want. In middle school, you shouldn't be worrying about having a boyfriend. I know it's easy for me to tell you that, I remember middle school and I remember wanting to have a boyfriend but trust me it's the least important thing.

    You need to learn to be happy with yourself, confidence is attractive in a person, low self esteem isn't. If a guy sees that you have a great personality and you're confident and happy that would be a bigger turn on for him than a stuck up girl who thinks she's better than everyone just because she's skinny, and if he doesn't see it that way than he isn't the kind of guy you want to date anyway. You're young and you still have a lot of learning to do, and eventually you will realize this yourself. For now just take in all the advice that you're getting and trust us because most of us have been there already.
  • Mar 17, 2009, 01:34 PM
    DoulaLC
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Bonita-- View Post
    If a guy sees that you have a great personality and you're confident and happy that would be a bigger turn on for him than a stuck up girl who thinks she's better than everyone just because she's skinny, and if he doesn't see it that way than he isn't the kind of guy you want to date anyways. You're young and you still have alot of learning to do, and eventually you will realize this yourself. For now just take in all the advice that you're getting and trust us because most of us have been there already.


    This is assuming the skinny girl is stuck up and thinks she is better than everyone... ;)

    Some guys will like thin girls, some will like heavy girls, some will like those between. Certainly in an ideal world people will see others for who they truly are, but we have to remember, this is middle school... where, right or wrong, looks do play a role for many at that age. Kids are still figuring out where they fit in, how do they compare to their peers, etc.. Yes, some are at a stage where they can see passed looks, being part of the right clique, or even the "need" to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, but many will find these sorts of social issues a great challenge at 12, 13, 14 years old.

    Looks are usually the first thing people notice, at any age... and everyone makes initial judgments by looks. Look at the attractive woman who doesn't get approached because men assume she must be with someone already. People sometimes wonder how did the short, dumpy guy get the knock-out... and assume he must have money and she must be a gold-digger. Someone may be dressed in pretty ratty clothing, looking rather scruffy, and the assumption might be made that they are poor, unclean, uneducated, out of work, etc.. It is only after you get to meet that person and talk with them that you learn whether they might be someone you would like to be friends with or possibly date.
    Face it, if you aren't attracted to how someone looks in the first place, you are less likely to go up to them to even start up a conversation to get to know them better. This is magnified in middle school. If someone is attracted to heavier girls, that is what they are going to first notice, and they will skip over the skinny girl... who might be a perfectly wonderful person. With maturity, they learn that looks are not everything.

    As everyone has said, if the OP is not happy with how she looks, she has the control to make changes in that. It does have to be for herself, but part of that is being happy with yourself so that you do feel more attractive to others. There's nothing wrong with the boy preferring skinny girls... it happens. Men and women often find certain attributes attractive in the opposite sex and it won't always be the same as what everyone else likes. That is human nature.
  • Mar 18, 2009, 06:48 PM
    xodani

    You know what your only in middle school and you still have your whole life ahead of you. You really shouldn't let a boy who you won't even remember in 5 years make you feel like your not good enough for him. What I just recently (finally) found out for myself is that no one can make you happy until you are ready to be happy with yourself. Don't think of yourself as fat I mean who really defines what is fat anyway? If you are truly unhappy with your body image than change it but don't do it for anyone but you!
  • Mar 22, 2009, 07:57 AM
    mastermagican

    Work out try to loose waight the buty will popo out of you
    _ride a bike for 1hr
    -do100 toe touches a day
    Diet.
  • Aug 17, 2009, 01:53 AM
    tatortot2071
    Omg! I'm in middle school and I'm skinny and I get tons of boyfriends this is such a brainer!! ummmmmmmmmmm... LOOSE WEIGHT WHEN I WAS IN 3RD GRADE I WEGHED 120 AND I STARTED WORKING OUT WITH MY DAD AND I WEIGH 105 U WEIGH 225 That's MORE THAN MY 43 YEAR OLD DAD!! GET ON A DIET TAKE WALKS GOD UR STUPID!! WORK OUT:cool::cool::cool::cool::cool::cool::cool
  • Aug 17, 2009, 02:32 AM
    HelpinHere

    Well, if you really want a boyfriend, then you need to get your priorities straight.

    Focus on your schoolwork, it is more important now than a guy ever will be at this point in your life.

    If you really feel you are "fat" and you are unhappy with it, then lose weight. It will be hard, but if you really want it, you can do it. But, the most important thing is that you lose it for you, not for any boy.
    You want to find a guy who will like you for you, not the size you are.

    EDIT: WOW! This thread is really old, but most of the answers are recent... :confused::eek:
  • Aug 17, 2009, 10:44 PM
    hottiehere08
    Well I kind of use to think the same thing about myself because all of my friends had boyfriend and inever did. What I did was just starting waiting until a guy came to me. Someone will be there because not all guys go for skinny reals. If you really think that your to big then maybe you should try eating healthier or doing exercise. If that don't work out for you then maybe you should try a product that will help you lose it. Good luck :)
  • Nov 21, 2009, 04:59 PM
    xolauraox
    Will listen I'm fat myself I'm in high school and ders this boii in my class and he is sooo cute lol... and there is another girl stting next to me and she is skinny and he always smiles at her and asking her for hugs and leaves me sitting there... so I feel really left out and lonely and fat and ugly... I feel like no boys like me... when I'm walkling around town and I see a boy.. I try be all nice like saying hi and all that you no like.. and he's just der looking at me laughing... and I'm like OK what's wrong wit me haha... so like I don't know what to do with myself :( xxxxxxxxx
  • Nov 24, 2009, 02:14 PM
    CFZD

    I will be realistic here!

    You are not going to find any boy liking you with you current weight!

    WHY? B.c they are BOYZ. I'd be surprised if any of them likes you, wants to date you.

    What you need to do now is

    WAIT

    And

    DO LOSE WEIGHT

    Being 220 lb ( how tall are you?) is not healthy, and might meet difficulties finding men attracts to you the first sight. There will be men liking you for who you are and your inside if you wait until them grow up!
  • Nov 25, 2009, 07:23 PM
    Fr_Chuck

    I would guess after two years the OP may have moved past this.

    Closed

  • All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:39 PM.