Wow golden girl, that was deep. Very emotional story behind this,I enjoyed your post and I agree with you totally.

Hi everyone,

My user name is Hot Cocoa and I joined this forum today. I am from West Africa and live in Los Angeles. To answer your question BrownDeceit, before I came to live in the States, I was OK with my skin color, I am a rich dark chocolate complexion. But since I came here things have changed after an incident few months ago. I was shopping on Hollywood Blvd and a black guy came to me and wanted to sell me CDs. I told him I wasn't interested and the next thing he was following me around yelling "black and ugly" The street was really busy and everbody was looking at me. I felt so bad and realised that dark skin is like a curse here in the States especially in the black community. Funny enough white guys seem to find me very attractive and exotic as I also speak French (I am dating a white guy) However, I feel the urge to be lighter. During summer I used bio claire after reading all the posts on that product but it thinned by skin and gave me an unvenen complexion... Yesterday, after reading some posts on 55H+ I ordered the glycerin, soap, and lotion but I am not even sure it's going to work on me as I am really dark :( Anyway, I think this forum is the best place for me to be as members are not judgemental and try to help out. Thanks for this excellent thread BrownDeceit because it's what encouraged me to join askmehelpdesk.

Hey Vanillawanna be, not here to judge, because everyone's entitled to their own opinion, freedom of speech, but I have to say this: How in the world could you say that dark skinned people look dirty"? I just think that's so deregatory, it sounds like something a racist white person would say, I mean the KKK called us dirty, porch monkeys, etc. Take, Naomi Campbell, she's very dark skin, and very beautiful, does she look dirty? Hell no, she's all up in everybody's magazine and on the runway. Kenya Moore (Miss America 19XX) she's also very dark skin, and vety beautiful (She and Tyra Banks are best friends, and Tyra always complients her beuatiful skin tone on her racial shows). But anyway, you are entitled to your own opinion, but I just do not agree with your statement that dark people look dirty and unclean and that light people look pure and clean.

I so agree with you, Brown Deceit. Take my cousin for example, he's about 6'5, med-dark brown skin, musuclar, and he plays college football, a lot of girls think my because is so fine, he's really built. He really doesn't care about color of girls as long as they have a good personality. My because says he'll date light dark skinend girls, that it doesn't matter to him, fine is fine. So one day I put him to the test. I said, so if you saw two girls stainding side by side, they had the same features, same shape, same height, same body type, same stylle, same hair, etc, excpet one was light and one was darl, which girl would you choose? And guess what he said? He said, "Oh, I'd choose the red girl". I asked him why, since he just said it didn't matter he likes both, and he said, "well if I was giving the option to pick out of the two, it would be the light skinned girl over the dark one, I don't know whay, but I'd just choose the light skinned girl firts"

Yeah, I live in the FLA (Dirty South) and that's all you hear guys talk about is fine "yellow bone", bad "red bone" and fine caramel complexion. Even all the southern rappers always talking about they want them a bad red bone, it's never nothing about dark skinned girls.


I think it's regional. In some places, black men care about skin color more than others. Colorism is everywehre but its worse depending on where you live. For instance, I hear its pretty bad down south, and in places like LA.(are you from down south, I hear a lot of darkskin wo men complaining on YouTube about how hard it is in the southern regions) But if you go to New York, skin color doesn't matter that much (that's what some of the black women I've chatted with online said)


I do know that a brown or darkskin women can get noticed if they have a really really nice body like a big booty. Then skin color becomes a bit irrelavant. I am a dark brown woman who has a small waist and big booty, so when I get down about my color, I thank god that I can fall back on my nice frame.[/QUOTE]

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Hot Cocoa

Hi everyone,

My user name is Hot Cocoa and I joined this forum today. I am from West Africa and live in Los Angeles. To answer your question BrownDeceit, before I came to live in the States, I was ok with my skin color, I am a rich dark chocolate complexion. But since I came here things have changed after an incident few months ago. I was shopping on Hollywood Blvd and a black guy came to me and wanted to sell me CDs. I told him I wasn't interested and the next thing he was following me around yelling "black and ugly" The street was really busy and everbody was looking at me. I felt so bad and realised that dark skin is like a curse here in the States especially in the black community. Funny enough white guys seem to find me very attractive and exotic as I also speak French (I am dating a white guy) However, I feel the urge to be lighter. During summer I used bio claire after reading all the posts on that product but it thinned by skin and gave me an unvenen complexion... Yesterday, after reading some posts on 55H+ I ordered the glycerin, soap, and lotion but I am not even sure it's gonna work on me as I am really dark :( Anyway, I think this forum is the best place for me to be as members are not judgemental and try to help out. Thanks for this excellent thread BrownDeceit because it's what encouraged me to join askmehelpdesk.

---

Welcome Hot Cocoa. That is great to be with someone who admires you outside as well as inside. Lol... seems like I am going to have to learn some french and head to France. Which 55h+ lotion are you using?

Pure Suga I know where you are coming from. I am living in the southeast and I find it to be sick for these so-called rappers to write lame songs about "red bone, yellow bone"... nothing solid and lacks depth. I had a couple of associates who's favorite songs that only sang about "red bone", even one of my neighbors getting all gigitty about a song by Lil Wayne"

"I Like Red Bone
Pretty Feat, Slim Waist, Cute Face
Girl If That's You
Then Put Your Info In My Two Way
Girl You A Star Me And You Can Make A Movie... "

I don't even care for Lil' Wayne along with many other rappers. Not saying songs referring to a specific skin color should not be written, but there is no balance and one topic far outweighs the other, as the other is considered invisible. The only rapper that comes to mind who was versatile with his lyrics and praising the beauty of women including darkskin and brownskin women was Tupac. Not saying all his lyrics were clean, which they were not, just that it is very rare or near impossible to see that these days. They don't see the damage that they are establishing with their ignorance.

I started lightening my skin after I went to africa for winter break last year.. I saw how beautiful my cousin's skin was and how light skinned women were chased so much.. I am pretty and I get attention from guys but myself esteem was still low.. I didn't think I looked any prettier because I lightened even though I loved my skin color till an old best friend from high school who I hadn't seen in a year saw me three months after I started bleaching and didn't recognize me at first and then was like omg you look so different.. I just played it off saying it's the makeup and then another time we hung out, she said oh you look so pretty now.:rolleyes: this boosted myself esteem..
My boyfriend also prefers light skinned girls.. always makes cooments like oh so and so is not that pretty but she's light skinned... I feel like lightening gave me more self confidence.. I was able to approach people more and felt more comfortable in my skin. Well I got back darker since I stopped for a few months this summer and now I'm back to step 1 lol.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hot Cocoa

Hi everyone,

My user name is Hot Cocoa and I joined this forum today. I am from West Africa and live in Los Angeles. To answer your question BrownDeceit, before I came to live in the States, I was ok with my skin color, I am a rich dark chocolate complexion. But since I came here things have changed after an incident few months ago. I was shopping on Hollywood Blvd and a black guy came to me and wanted to sell me CDs. I told him I wasn't interested and the next thing he was following me around yelling "black and ugly" The street was really busy and everbody was looking at me. I felt so bad and realised that dark skin is like a curse here in the States especially in the black community.

---

Hi Hot Cocoa,

Welcome to the board and good luck with your lightening goal.

I have to say, That boy ( because he definitely is a BOY) has real issues and people like him, who revel in putting people down, are the scum of the earth! But you know what, I am a great believer in karma and hopefully his day will come soon. I wonder if people like him realise how much their words hurt. He has probably been put down himself and is so full of hatred, he unleashes it whenever he is rejected for the simplest of things.

I know he is the reason for your decision to lighten but I pray you do not allow his comments to ever make you feel bad about yourself. HE is the true UGLY one!!

Oh and just to add to that, I bet you a million dollars he wouldn't have tried it, had you been a guy! What a D**khead!!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Golden_Girl

Welcome Hot Cocoa. That is great to be with someone who admires you outside as well as inside. lol...seems like I am going to have to learn some french and head to France. which 55h+ lotion are you using?

Pure Suga I know where you are coming from. I am living in the southeast and I find it to be sick for these so-called rappers to write lame songs about "red bone, yellow bone"...nothing solid and lacks depth. I had a couple of associates whos favorite songs that only sang about "red bone", even one of my neighbors getting all gigitty about a song by Lil Wayne"

"I Like Red Bone
Pretty Feat, Slim Waist, Cute Face
Girl If Thats You
Then Put Your Info In My Two Way
Girl You A Star Me And You Can Make A Movie..."

I don't even care for Lil' Wayne along with many other rappers. not saying songs referring to a specific skin color should not be written, but there is no balance and one topic far outweighs the other, as the other is considered invisible. The only rapper that comes to mind who was versatile with his lyrics and praising the beauty of women including darkskin and brownskin women was Tupac. not saying all his lyrics were clean, which they were not, just that it is very rare or near impossible to see that these days. they don't see the damage that they are establishing with their ignorance.

---

Hey Golden Girl,

Thanks for your message, I really appreciate. The lotion I ordered is 55H+ Efficacite Exceptionnel Body Lotion 16.8 Fl. OZ. (500 ml). I am sure you don't need to speak French to attract anybody, you seem like a very nice person! As for Lil Wayne, I think he is the ugliest rapper ever!! I wonder how come he has so many babymamas:eek: (especially Lauren London) It must probably come from his "fame..." I mean if a guy looking like him stops me in the streets I will run away screaming "Holy Ghost!!!" Anyway, everyone has his own preferences...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MAHARANI

Hi Hot Cocoa,

welcome to the board and good luck with your lightening goal.

I have to say, That boy ( cos he definitely is a BOY) has real issues and people like him, who revel in putting people down, are the scum of the earth !! But you know what, I am a great believer in karma and hopefully his day will come soon. I wonder if people like him realise how much their words hurt. He has probably been put down himself and is so full of hatred, he unleashes it whenever he is rejected for the simplest of things.

I know he is the reason for youur decsion to lighten but I pray you do not allow his comments to ever make you feel bad about yourself. HE is the true UGLY one !!!

---

Hi Maharani,

Thanks so much . I think a lot of people don't realise how much words can hurt and YES I do believe in karma and know that it's going to catch up with this idiot soon:p Thanks God my boyfriend is always telling me how beautiful I am (he calls me "my African Queen") and it does help. But I still want to be a little bit lighter (just a bit LOLLLL:))

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Pure Suga

Yeah, I live in the FLA (Dirty South) and that's all you hear guys talk about is fine "yellow bone", bad "red bone" and fine caramel complexion. Even all teh southern rappers always talking about they want them a bad red bone, it's never nothing about dark skinned girls.


I think it's regional. In some places, black men care about skin color more than others. Colorism is everywehre but its worse depending on where you live. For instance, I hear its pretty bad down south, and in places like LA.(are you from down south, I hear a lot of darkskin wo men complaining on youtube about how hard it is in the southern regions) But if you go to New York, skin color doesn't matter that much (that's what some of the black women I've chatted with online said)


I do know that a brown or darkskin women can get noticed if they have a really really nice body like a big booty. Then skin color becomes a bit irrelavant. I am a dark brown woman who has a small waist and big booty, so when I get down about my color, I thank god that i can fall back on my nice frame.

---

[/QUOTE]

I feel you when you talk about LA and how black men react towards light skin :mad: And then they will be the ones to give hardlook when they see black girls with white guys :rolleyes:

Welcome, Bienvenue & salut HC!

I hope you're lightening for yourself only. Unfortunately, calling someone dark or black is a common ignorant insult here.

if I had a beautiful even-toned dark skin I surely would not mess with it over some random moron's outburst. Best of luck whatever you decide!

& I know all about those hard looks too. Mon mari, il est Francais et aussi blanc!

Right now I wish that people were like Sims, Meez, Secondlife characters & you could simply click on the color you preferred whenever. Lol. It would make this all much easier!

I'd totally trade this whatever brown for a nice even-toned deep chocolate in a hot second.

I know I'm too old to have these issues but it's how I feel right now.

Thanks hot cocoa, I think I would have back slapped that guy selling those cds or sprayed a hefty amount of my mace in his face and then stepped on his cds so he couldn't sell them. Lil Wayne is quite ugly and he seems to get uglier and uglier each day, so it's odd for him to act like that, must be the cough syrup he had been drinking.

As long as your lightening for yourself and what makes you happy that't what matters.

EggoMini did you see any memorials or anything about Josephine Baker over there in France?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by EggoMini

Welcome, Bienvenue & salut HC!!

I hope you're lightening for yourself only. Unfortunately, calling someone dark or black is a common ignorant insult here.

if I had a beautiful even-toned dark skin I surely would not mess with it over some random moron's outburst. Best of luck whatever you decide!

& I know all about those hard looks too. Mon mari, il est Francais et aussi blanc!

---

Bonjour EggoMini,

I know it's weird, but sometimes I just can't help and wish I was a little bit more on the brown side... And this started when I came in the States, I probably shouldn't feel that way I guess... :confused:

Welcome Hot Cocoa. I would love to be one even shade of glowing chocolate myself, but just be lucky you have a wonderful man that never ceases to remind you how beautiful you are, and be lucky you are not 10 million shades of brown, but one even shade of hot cocoa! Lol

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hot Cocoa

Bonjour EggoMini,

I know it's weird, but sometimes I just can't help and wish I was a little bit more on the brown side... And this started when I came in the States, I probably shouldn't feel that way I guess... :confused:

---

After living in both countries, I can attest to the difference in attitudes, colorism, racism, & the way men and women relate to each other.

I don't want to bash the US (& I'm generalizing) but this is an extra racist, extra colorist, and extra ageist place. The ideal for many is tight, light & preferably white.

Simply, I feel prettier in France. It's not that (esp. at my age) my self-esteem comes from what others think of me but I miss the energy, appreciative looks, light flirts, men giving you 'the look' etc. Yes, I'm married and faithful but I'm being honest.:p

Here I feel invisible at times & I'm the same person! My style hasn't changed & in fact I've lost weight! I've been back and forth several times and I know from first-hand experience that there's a difference.

It isn't you HC, it is this place! In fact, in college, of my professors was a single French white woman & I remember her complaining about the dating & social scene with Americans.

Again, I generalize because there are many intelligent sophisticated Americans too but on the whole.. yikes.. I cannot wait to move back! LOL! I also like that older women are still considered attractive & vital there too.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Itss A New Day

Welcome Hot Cocoa. I would love to be one even shade of glowing chocolate myself, but just be lucky you have a wonderful man that never ceases to remind you how beautiful you are, and be lucky you are not 10 million shades of brown, but one even shade of hot cocoa! lol

---

Thanks. And you are absolutely right about not having many shades... Maybe I should just stick to that... http://i659.photobucket.com/albums/u...g?t=1256523765

But I would really like to be like http://i292.photobucket.com/albums/m.../Gabrielle.jpg

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by EggoMini

After living in both countries, I can attest to the difference in attitudes, colorism, racism, & the way men and women relate to each other.

I don't want to bash the US (& I'm generalizing) but this is an extra racist, extra colorist, and extra ageist place. The ideal for many is tight, light & preferably white.

Simply, I feel prettier in France. It's not that (esp. at my age) my self-esteem comes from what others think of me but I miss the energy, appreciative looks, light flirts, men giving you 'the look' etc. Yes, I'm married and faithful but I'm being honest.:p

Here I feel invisible at times & I'm the same person! My style hasn't changed & in fact I've lost weight! I've been back and forth several times and I know from first-hand experience that there's a difference.

It isn't you HC, it is this place! In fact, in college, of my professors was a single French white woman & I remember her complaining about the dating & social scene with Americans.

Again, I generalize because there are many intelligent sophisticated Americans too but on the whole..yikes..I cannot wait to move back! LOL! I also like that older women are still considered attractive & vital there too.

---

EggoMini,

Tu as raison, you are soooo right. As I said, it's since I came here that I want to be lighter... But I am not blaming it on the society here as I would really want to see if being lighter will add something:rolleyes:, don't know

I was tired of being called black (they were referring to my skin, not my race lol) and not being able to be seen at night lol. When I used bio claire I was light as hell but people were so mean and asked so many questions but I did receive a lot of attention from males lol. I remember that day I was in AE an I walked pass the mirror and seen a light brown skinned diva I was like OMG that was when I knew Bio Cliare was working lol I swear I was in the mirror staring at myself lol. Well I stopped using it an I'm no where near as dark as I use to be although the results faded quick but I'm going back to bio claire lol it should arrive this week I'm excited lol

Before you start lightening Hot Cocoa make sure you are aware of all the risks and each part of your body may not lighten all at once; it is an ongoing process and can be discouraging at times, so just make sure you are one thousand percent sure so you will not have any regrets down the line, and by the way you are beautiful so if it isn't broke...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hot Cocoa

EggoMini,

Tu as raison, you are soooo right. As I said, it's since I came here that I want to be lighter... But I am not blaming it on the society here as I would really want to see if being lighter will add something:rolleyes:, dunno

---

LOL! Of course it's ultimately your choice, I just wanted to add my 2cents and experience. It's like you can never be too white here.. . Even many European-American women overwhelmingly want to be blondes - whether it suits them or not.:p

It can be cool to try something new but it's good to know your motivation, know about the risks if any etc.

I think G.U. has a great look & so does the gorgeous girl in the photo above!;)

C'est vraiment ton choix. Ciao A+!

I lightened my skin because I was very dark and many people teased me that I'm too dark, they refer to me as 'bleak' in secondary school. I also noticed that those with lighter complexion got more attention than darker ones

Well for myself, I am of Hispanic ethnicity, but I am of African descent.. (if you are confused right now... remember Hispanic is an ethnicity not a race.. ) The majority of Africans broght during the middle passage were sent to The caribbean and S. Amrica.. not N. America...

Anyway... I am a Black Puerto Rican. And have always mostly Identified with African Americans.. and I must say quite proudly... My mom is even dare I say hyper afrocentric.. and identifies with Africa far more than even Puerto Rico.. it's not in any denial it's just I am third generation born in the USA.. and so even my mom was born here...

Like BrownD, I was always told how pretyy my brown skin was as a child... by everyone... and I never thought about it until the end of high school.. I always went to school with Black people... so I noticed that light girls got attention.. but it was never really a big thing because everyone pretyy much had the same cutlture... I was the exception sometimes because I did speak another language, and could cook puerto rican food which made me very popular with the guys even more so than the light skin girls..

It wasn't until I moved to NYC and lived for a while with family memebers in a Puerto Rican community that I noticed any problem. I hung around my cousin who was fair skinned and I noticed that many times people wouldn't think we were related and would ask her in spanish why she was hanging around with a "moya".. (derrogatory term for a black girl in spanglish)... because they assumed I didn't speak spanish... or they would invite her to parties and say "don't bring your black ugly cousin," which bugged me out because I'm far from ugly... and not even super black.. which I don't say in a bad way.. but I'm like Gabrielle Union's complexion.. and my hair is long and curly like Rachel True.. or Mel B... but anyway.. so you can imagine what this does to an adolescent...

Anyway... I was always the last asked out by any of the guys in my neighborhood... and I just started hanging out with the Black people in my neighboorhood again and basically just left out even being Puerto Rican and I did okay until I went to college.

I got a scholarship to go to Spain to study art and architecture... and Spain was the most racist country I'd have to say in the world that I've been to thus far... I actually had eggs thrown at me one day while I was walking down the street as the culprits yelled "Go back to Africa Nigger!!" not to mention being spit on, denied entry to establishments, and asked to leave a store in a mall by security because "A black girl stole from the store two days before"... but this didn't make me want to lighten.. I just wanted to leave Spain.. LOL and so I did after 16 long months...

I always thought life would have been easier if I had light skin.. but I never even fathomed that people were doing this and never imagined that I could or ever would.. the only example that I had ever heard of was Michael Jackson.. and I never wanted to look like him...

In Fact in spite of all of the hatred I still liked my skin and I felt it was a huge contradiction in society that the people who always stopped me on the street to tell me how beautiful I was were always old white ladies... who actually wanted to touch my face because it was "so smooth and clear". Little did they know that in my own community I was the girl no one dated unless you had a "thing" for black girls.

It's sad becaue it seems everyone can find someone beautiful even if they are not your "preference" but there is a seemed line drawn for Black girls... many people just skip over us when even considering beauty.. in spite of the numbers of balck super models and superstars who are considred beautiful.. it's like they are removed from practical.. "real' Black people.. and just appreciated as individuals... because the same guys that will say Beyonce, or Tyra, or even naomi Campbell are beautiful would in the same breath say that they do not find Black girls pretty or atractive).... but none of this made me consider lightening.. it was actually for a practical reason much more than a beauty reason.

What made me decide to lighten was after I came back from spain and I went to the military... I got a nasty farmer's tan that was so stark a difference that it looked like I had dipped my arms in dye.. and it lasted for years even after I got out of the service... I cruised the net and researched products and decided to use Kojic acid and arbutin to lighten back to my original coulur... it was successful and so therefore I fell off the skin lightening forums and boards....

Thinking life was bliss, so long as I avoided puerto Ricans and Spaniards.. I graduated, went to a Black university in another state and I stayed out my days in my Black safe haven and remained as a happy Black girl who spoke spanish and coould cook the heck out of some rice and beans!!

So WHY AM I BACK?

Well as I guess I can't just leave well enough alone LOL.. I must be a masochist... I converted to Islam.. (Long stoory I didn't plan it).. and where I live tha majority of the Muslims here are either Arab, Desi, or Somali (Somalis and many Africans usually keep very close to their own kind even to their own tribes)....

Arabs and Desis are super racist.. (I'm not trying to insult anyone.. please forgive me but I have my reasons for saying this..) All of the Arab and Desi older "aunties" loved me and always treated me well , are quick to cook for me or give me things or be super motherly, but let it come down to if I ever wanted to marry one of their sons.. forget it,.. they do not want "dark skinned" grandchildren.. and not to mention that even if there were any "Auntie" that decided to play match maker the guys them selves are even cruelly insistent that they do not want a black girl.. even bold enough to tell me to my face or say that "they do not find black girls attractive".. (A simple "I'm not interested" would have sufficed not to mention religiously we are not supposed to think and act like that) and more bold to then ask me that since I am a convert if I could hook them up with any white girls i may know or meet who converted... even to the point that looks or weight do not matter... an arab guy I know at the mosque actually married a girl who is almost mentally retarded.. (literally she is slow I'm not just being mean or hating it's a medical fact and the community knows it.. she is not to the point of incompetence... but she is indeed impaired).... who weighed 370lbs because she had blonde hair and blue eyes...

Well the long and short of it is.... many of the Muslims I've, seen the determining factor for race is as simple as complexion... not even features or hair because many arabs have super nappy hair...and many Desi have broad features.... so I wanna lightne up to a complexion that is considered more universally "acceptable" as not to be considered ugly and unmarriable.... which again is the stark contradiction of my past reliving itself because now even more than ever people stop me on the street to say how beautiful I am and admire my glowing complexion... even whe I went to a cosmetic dermatologist for a consult to find out about skin lightening.. the entire staff commented on how nice my skin was.. and was surpirsed to find out I was there at all for any problem...

But anyway if I were a more "standard" universal tone... light a tan or light brown, then maybe there wouldn't be such hassle and insult.

To Boricua1:

Your story is truly remarkable, I mean you faced mental oppression in your own community only to face it again in your newfound religion? I don't even want to bring up the topic of religion but seriously if your religion is so outwardly closed-minded, then what are they preaching in church? But this is what I said to someone else, I think it was BrownDeceit, but I understand you lightening for social acceptance in your community, but if you lighten for marital reasons, then I hope you find a way to maintain for the rest of your life, or better yet find that one gem that will appreciate your color (light or dark), or even better yet, change religions! (ok that was a joke), but don't you think your children will come out a mixture of your tone and your husbands? As long as lightening makes you happy inside, cool, but to the story about the mentally retarded 300+ pound white woman? Wow!

Wow Boricua, I really identify with parts of your story! I kicked my religious community to the curb for very similar reasons (always being among the last considered on the marriage market, left in the reject pile & I am hardly a broken toy.. lol!).

Amazing!

I finally married 'out' (racially and religiously). I truly thought (from what I've learned so far) Islam would be a bit better but I guess the ignorance is universal.:(

Have you considered marrying a European or White American revert-convert? My husband is one but I'm not Muslim. They don't seem to have the colorism issues that many brown Muslims do. I've also met some Moroccan Muslims who have married brown and dark-skinned people.

Yeah I really think it's "those muslims" that you were dealing with I know racism is everywhere an religion has nothing to do with it, we don't really understand what we are taught, I am a christian and I have seen racism among the white's who come as missionaries. I just think the "white standard"of beauty has impacted every culture and their way of thinking. You know the funny thing is that you are probably prettier than any of the women you just talked about, but what people see when they are small minded and mentally enslaved, is what the society has taught them to understand it's acceptable even if it's not pretty. I loved your story and I know that what is considered beautiful is very relative to the surroundings, there are some parts of the world that if you go to with your puerto rican back ground, hair, and even the dark skin you will basically be bigger than halle, I sure you have learned a lot from your experience.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Boricua1

Well for myself, I am of Hispanic ethnicity, but I am of African descent.. (if you are confused right now... remember Hispanic is an ethnicity not a race..) The majority of Africans broght during the middle passage were sent to The caribbean and S. Amrica.. not N. America...

Anyways... I am a Black Puerto Rican. and have always mostly Identified with African Americans.. and I must say quite proudly... My mom is even dare I say hyper afrocentric.. and identifies with Africa far more than even Puerto Rico.. it's not in any denial it's just I am thrid generation born in the USA.. and so even my mom was born here...

Like BrownD, I was always told how pretyy my brown skin was as a child... by everyone... and I never thought about it until the end of high school.. I always went to school with Black people... so I noticed that light girls got attention.. but it was never really a big thing because everyone pretyy much had the same cutlture... I was the exception sometimes becasue I did speak another language, and could cook puerto rican food which made me very popular with the guys even more so than the light skin girls..

it wasn't until I moved to NYC and lived for a while with family memebers in a Puerto Rican community that i noticed any problem. I hung around my cousin who was fair skinned and I noticed that many times people wouldn't think we were related and would ask her in spanish why she was hanging around with a "moya".. (derrogatory term for a black girl in spanglish)... because they assumed I didn't speak spanish.... or they would invite her to parties and say "don't bring your black ugly cousin," which bugged me out because I'm far from ugly... and not even super black.. which I don't say in a bad way.. but I'm like Gabrielle Union's complexion.. and my hair is long and curly like Rachel True.. or Mel B... but anyway.. so you can imagine what this does to an adolescent...

Anyways... I was always the last asked out by any of the guys in my neighborhood... and I just started hanging out with the Black people in my neighboorhood again and basically just left out even being Puerto Rican and I did okay until I went to college.

I got a scholarship to go to Spain to study art and architecture... and Spain was the most racist country I'd have to say in the world that i've been to thus far... I actually had eggs thrown at me one day while I was walking down the street as the culprits yelled "Go back to Africa Nigger!!" not to mention being spit on, denied entry to establishments, and asked to leave a store in a mall by security because "A black girl stole from the store two days before"... but this didn't make me want to lighten.. I just wanted to leave Spain.. LOL and so I did after 16 long months...

I always thought life would have been easier if I had light skin.. but I never even fathomed that people were doing this and never imagined that I could or ever would.. the only example that I had ever heard of was Michael Jackson.. and I never wanted to look like him...

In Fact in spite of all of the hatred I still liked my skin and I felt it was a huge contradiction in society that the people who always stopped me on the street to tell me how beautiful I was were always old white ladies... who actually wanted to touch my face because it was "so smooth and clear". little did they know that in my own community I was the girl noone dated unless you had a "thing" for black girls.

It's sad becaue it seems everyone can find someone beautiful even if they are not your "preference" but there is a seemed line drawn for Black girls... many people just skip over us when even considering beauty.. in spite of the numbers of balck super models and superstars who are considred beautiful.. it's like they are removed from practical.. "real' Black people.. and just appreciated as individuals... because the same guys that will say Beyonce, or Tyra, or even naomi Campbell are beautiful would in the same breath say that they do not find Black girls pretty or atractive).... but none of this made me consider lightening.. it was actually for a practical reason much more than a beauty reason.

What made me decide to lighten was after I came back from spain and I went to the military... I got a nasty farmer's tan that was so stark a difference that it looked like I had dipped my arms in dye.. and it lasted for years even after I got out of the service... I cruised the net and researched products and decided to use Kojic acid and arbutin to lighten back to my original coulur... it was successful and so therefore I fell off the skin lightening forums and boards....

Thinking life was bliss, so long as I avoided puerto Ricans and Spaniards.. I graduated, went to a Black university in another state and I stayed out my days in my Black safe haven and remained as a happy Black girl who spoke spanish and coould cook the heck out of some rice and beans!!

So WHY AM I BACK?

Well as I guess I can't just leave well enough alone LOL.. I must be a masochist... I converted to Islam.. (Long stoory I didn't plan it).. and where I live tha majority of the Muslims here are either Arab, Desi, or Somali (Somalis and many Africans usually keep very close to their own kind even to their own tribes)....

Arabs and Desis are super racist.. (I'm not trying to insult anyone.. please forgive me but I have my reasons for saying this..) All of the Arab and Desi older "aunties" loved me and always treated me well , are quick to cook for me or give me things or be super motherly, but let it come down to if I ever wanted to marry one of their sons.. forget it,.. they do not want "dark skinned" grandchildren.. and not to mention that even if there were any "Auntie" that decided to play match maker the guys them selves are even cruelly insistent that they do not want a black girl.. even bold enough to tell me to my face or say that "they do not find black girls attractive".. (A simple "I'm not interested" would have sufficed not to mention religiously we are not supposed to think and act like that) and more bold to then ask me that since I am a convert if I could hook them up with any white girls i may know or meet who converted... even to the point that looks or weight do not matter... an arab guy I know at the mosque actually married a girl who is almost mentally retarded.. (literally she is slow I'm not just being mean or hating it's a medical fact and the community knows it.. she is not to the point of incompetence... but she is indeed impaired).... who weighed 370lbs because she had blonde hair and blue eyes...

Well the long and short of it is.... many of the Muslims I've, seen the determining factor for race is as simple as complexion... not even features or hair because many arabs have super nappy hair...and many Desi have broad features.... so I wanna lightne up to a complexion that is considered more universally "acceptable" as not to be considered ugly and unmarriable.... which again is the stark contradiction of my past reliving itself because now even more than ever people stop me on the street to say how beautiful I am and admire my glowing complexion... even whe I went to a cosmetic dermatologist for a consult to find out about skin lightening.. the entire staff commented on how nice my skin was.. and was surpirsed to find out I was there at all for any problem...

But anyway if I were a more "standard" universal tone... light a tan or light brown, then maybe there wouldn't be such hassle and insult.

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Hi Boricua1,

Your story is really touching and I know for a fact that Arabs are really racist towards black people as I spent half of my childhood in Tunis and have been to Morocco. However, there are stupid and ignorant people in all religions... Christiand missionaries were among the first to come to Africa and declare that African/Blacks were inferior to Whites and this was written in the Bible :mad: Anyway, I am sure you are beautiful and hope that a true Muslim believer will see past your skin color and see how worthy you are! As for Hispanics, tell me something!! I live in LA and work with some latinos. In my office one girl in particular used derogatory words about me in my back; I confonted her and showed her that I am not the type of girl she would want to mess with :D

Take care Dear

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Originally Posted by EggoMini

LOL! Of course it's ultimately your choice, I just wanted to add my 2cents and experience. It's like you can never be too white here. ...Even many European-American women overwhelmingly want to be blondes - whether it suits them or not.:p

It can be cool to try something new but it's good to know your motivation, know about the risks if any etc.

I think G.U. has a great look & so does the gorgeous girl in the photo above!;)

C'est vraiment ton choix. ciao A+!

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EggoMini,

Merci beaucoup! The girl above is actually me ;)

Wow you all are so sweet I appreciate everyone's words of encouragement... I am definitely looking for that person who will not judge my colour so long as I keep myself open and keep faith I have nothing to fear nor grieve about. I am also working on finding a new community to be around with people who aren't so closed minded.. it's a task of course... lol...

I'm still want to work on my lightening even though I know that the other people are the ignorant ones and the ones with the problem... sometimes you got to play into the standards of others... (it's like BrownD said so beautifully... about being unhappy and right) but don't worry... I know that there is a limit.. lol.. I am not going to try and change eveything about myself to suit others...

I just wanted to add a thought that I had too... I think that sometimes skin lightening also is a bit fascinating to p[eople because it's like a make over too... it's a change like any other and we as human beings like to re-invent ourselves through change especially change that is manifested physically... heck many of us would grow taller if we could or shrink, lose weight when we can or gain.. so it seems only natural no matter what your color to want to change it around a bit... some brown.. some whiten... lol..

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Originally Posted by EggoMini

Wow Boricua, I really identify with parts of your story!! I kicked my religious community to the curb for very similar reasons (always being among the last considered on the marriage market, left in the reject pile & I am hardly a broken toy..lol!).

Amazing!

I finally married 'out' (racially and religiously). I truly thought (from what I've learned so far) Islam would be a bit better but I guess the ignorance is universal.:(

Have you considered marrying a European or White American revert-convert? My husband is one but I'm not Muslim. They don't seem to have the colorism issues that many brown Muslims do. I've also met some Moroccan Muslims who have married brown and dark-skinned people.

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I defintely appreciate your advice... I am considering all people:) I wish that Muslim girls had the same deal as the guys in that we could marry from any religion might make things easier.. you know expanding the market lol... but what you say is true... Euro and American reverts usually have far fewer complexes with colour...

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Originally Posted by Boricua1

Wow you all are so sweet I appreciate everyone's words of encouragement... I am definitely looking for that person who will not judge my colour so long as I keep myself open and keep faith I have nothing to fear nor grieve about. I am also working on finding a new community to be around with people who aren't so closed minded.. it's a task of course...... lol...

I'm still want to work on my lightening even though I know that the other people are the ignorant ones and the ones with the problem... sometimes you gotta play into the standards of others... (it's like BrownD said so beautifully... about being unhappy and right) but don't worry... I know that there is a limit.. lol.. I am not going to try and change eveything about myself to suit others...

I just wanted to add a thought that I had too.... I think that sometimes skin lightening also is a bit fascinating to p[eople because it's like a make over too... it's a change like any other and we as human beings like to re-invent ourselves through change especially change that is manifested physically... heck many of us would grow taller if we could or shrink, lose weight when we can or gain.. so it seems only natural no matter what your color to want to change it around a bit... some brown.. some whiten... lol..

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I totally agree on the "makeover" concept. A lot of us need these makeovers to even out all over and just be 1 consistent color.

Boricua your story was touching and I can relate with some of the parts similarly to what happened to me too. I am a muslim convert and 1/2 ethiopian. When I began to study islam, the religion is supposed to be about peace and equality, but unfortunately many of the arab people are not and do not follow the religion as they should. I had soon realized that many arabs can be so racist and they would be judged for that anyway as that is not halal. It did really bother me as it's bad enough how many of the black men in the U.S. would not even consider being with a black woman unless she is much fairer than them. So, I am open to marrying someone outside of my race and who would not judge me on my skin color and who is religiously insync with me as well. I truly hate being around closed minded people as I consider them to be deeply ignorant. I got so tiered of people coming up to me telling me how my big sister is the pretty one because of her eyes and complexion and how I'm the ugly one because I was much darker than her. Other than that we look almost identical with our features so this perplexed me. And we have a close relationship and discuss some of these things, but our worlds are completely different and I know she is unable to really relate because of our experiences.

On a another note, I would love to taste puerto rican food as I heard it was gooood. You'll have to send me some recipes.

Golen Girl you are so strong. I know I've told you before. But I couldn't imagine growing up with a sibling fairer than me. A sister at that. People are so rude with their comments, and don't know how their words can impact young children.

Thanks brown. When I was a kid I didn't think of it much. But, as I grew older and exposed to more it made me question a lot. I hated when people asked me "so what happened to you?" and "is one of you adopted?" My sis is a kind person and she always said that I was beautiful, but inside I would only question the validity of her comments as she made sure her daughter wouldn't end up with my tone, dated only and married someone only Caucasian. Now her daughter is stuck up and have said rude comments about darker women in front of me. My first reaction is to debate, but I don't want any bad blood so I pass.

... You are kidding. Her daughter is stuck up and says rude comments about dark women? IN-FRONT-OF-YOU? Does your sister tell her to stop it? Oh goodness. I could not deal with that. My first reaction would be to backhand the child. Sorry you have to deal with that!

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Originally Posted by BrownDeceit

..........You are kidding. Her daughter is stuck up and says rude comments about dark women? IN-FRONT-OF-YOU? Does your sister tell her to stop it? Oh goodness. I could not deal with that. My first reaction would be to backhand the child. Sorry you have to deal with that!

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No, my sis said nothing. I wanted to back hand her too and I could feel an argument prepairing to come out my mouth and I knew I was going to say some even more hurtful things to her in return. Because I know how I can get and can sometimes have a bad temper, niece or no niece (she was about 15). But, they live in Cali and I was visiting only because my sis was having another baby. So I tried to keep reminding myself that I was leaving Cali within a week and some people are just ignorant and stupid. My sis is coming down next month and she has only seen the photos on my Facebook from early this year when I was several shades lighter. Now I'm like rushing to get some of the results back or she'll think I photoshopped the picts or something... lol

Not to offend anyone but I hear America is really racist, I live in Canada there isn't that much racism like out in the open between other races sometimes its "coded" were definitely cool with gays etc I'm bi racial (Black & Oriental) I've realized within the black community here the men have a self hating thing going on, all they talk about is light skin this light skin that and a LOT only want to date girls that are of other races if black she has to be "light skin" the funny thing is they aren't even light skin themselves, anyway I started to lighten my skin honestly because of how black men treated me.

One time me and 2 friends were out 1 was about a shade lighter then alicia keys and not good looking rotten attitude pimples, stomach bigger then her boobs etc. the other was about nicole scherzingers color very snobby flat everywhere and some guy came over and said "hey my friends over there want to holler at you" pointed at my two friends right in front of me and said "Just you and you" he was about kelly rowlands color as well, I remember sitting in the lunch room and I heard two black guys talking in front of me one said about a girl across the room "dark skin girls shouldnt wear fish nets you can't see anything thats only for light skin girls" As soon as I would walk into a store they would follow me like they are my shadow while my lighter friend nothing, both a friend and I applied for a job at a clothes store that just opened that was "hiring" she had NO experience on her resume and I had 2 years experience she gets the job I go to visit her and ask them if they are still hiring she says yes and yells out and asks the manager "are we still hiring?" the manager at first said yes then said "hold on" then came all the way to the back where we were looked at me and said "No".

Im tired of Canada acting like there is no racism going on in this country almost every store only hires there own race,even if I have experience I can't get a job because I'm not the same race as the workers.Not even any point in trying.

High school was the absolute worst experience in LIFE so bad my mom took me out and made me do home schooling.The teachers were racist, one teacher I remember her putting all hispanics, blacks(if you were dark) straight to the back she even said to one student "i would love to hang you with a noose" of course she kept her job even after complaining , I once knocked on a door(@ school) with a dark friend to get something from a friend who is black but very light & looks another race the teacher out of nowhere angrily comes and slams the door right in my face along with my friend then the teacher yells out loud "be careful of the kind of friends you make".

Another time when I was about 10 at a friends birthday party one of my friends mother was there to pick her up since it was dark outside they asked her to give me a ride home since she lives 5 minutes away from me her mom said "No its dark outside nobody is going to see her", Another friend invited me to her birthday party along with other friends her aunt looked at me and said to her "Next time make sure you tell me what kind of people you invite",

Hmmm the list goes on what story should I tell next,

When I was about 11 I think I was at a friends house who was Oriental along with my friend who is bi racial(black and white) but was VERY light we were all having fun as soon as her father came home no hi nothing he calls her in the bedroom she comes out and tells me "Sorry you have to go because my dad doesnt like you kind of people __ can stay tho",

One time me & my mother were in our car a old white man parked up beside us and just kept waiting in his car he unlocked his door to come out and we unlocked our as well as soon as he saw us coming out he locked his door so fast and waiting until we were all the way in the store before he came out,

My lighter cousins were treated like royalty and called beautiful while I was always made fun of by my aunts & cousins they were treated like what they were kids and I was treated and spoken to like a adult or further more a stray dog. I guess a lot comes from my "child hood":/ also in music videos everyone is light all of the black singers that make it in the music industry are always light the dark ones never have a big career being darker skinned is always looked at as not attractive.

Since I have lightened my skin with HQ from Gabriel Unions color to literally Nicole scherzinger's or Tyra Banks a lot of men usually Hispanic,white, or Filipino men approach me a lot now, even black men try to talk to me and I won't give them the light of day. I really try not to judge all black men because I know all aren't like that but honestly its really hard because of the past.All the black men in my neighborhood have 200lbs+ white girlfriends walking around with bi racial babies yup I said it I'm sorry if I offend anyone. Ive also noticed I get treated a lot differently people walk pass and say your so beautiful they always smile I have no problem inside stores now my aunts & cousins try to be all nice to me saying your hair is so nice and long you have a nice nose and nice eyes (um? Last time I checked I had all these things while I was darker) I cut them out of my life because of how mean they were to me I don't even go to any family dinners or anything. I guess in the end I'm happy but just need to get over the past.

Sorry for such long and boring stories:)

Wow Tai. That's crazy. I can't believe your family treated you that way and that openly. And yep. It's funny how once you're lighter everyone thinks you're beautiful... It's like "Ummm. I look EXACTLY the same as before. My skin is just lighter now." And half the time, they are so brainwashed that they don't even realize that they like you more because you're lighter. But from Gabrielle Union's complexion to Nicoles? My goodness! What were/are you using? That's a very dramatic difference, I congratulate you on your results, many people would LOVE to achieve those results. I must ask you though. Didn't you get a lot of questions with such a dramatic change in color? How did you deal with it? And it is very annoying. All of the singers that become really famous are never dark skinned. I can't stand it. This society is so sick and twisted. It's like black women especially dark skinned black women are set up to be looked at as ugly unless they are a black woman who doesn't necessarily look like a black woman. Whether it be hair, facial features, or skin color that sets them apart from the rest. It's so sad. And very disheartening. But we have to adapt and make the best of our situations. Even if that does include being wrong and being happy. :)