Ask Me Help Desk - What made you start lightening your skin?

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Originally Posted by Itss A New Day

its about personal happiness at the end of the day and lightening does not affect anyone else's safety or happiness except that of the person who decides to lighten, so ultimately it will be an endless debate, but no one is getting hurt except the person who is lightening themselves. You are welcome on any board to voice your opinion. Not everyone here is "racist" as you say towARDS white people. I dont even think anyone here is racist... right?

Actually, I have to pipe up here and say most definitely yes.

Reverse the situation...
If this were a tanning forum full of white people and a black person came on posting their opinion concerning tanning as I have done... and then the white community came back and picked their answers apart and accused them of prying into people lives etc. etc. etc. just because they were not white... those white people would be considered racist towards the black person...

It's a 2 way street as I have said... I still don't see why I am being picked on just because I am not black!

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Originally Posted by shazamataz

Oh yes I have been called 'judgemental' many many times, only every in this forum.

I'll leave it for now, and of coarse, I know that my above answers will either be ignored or picked apart and yet again, I will be called "judgemental"

At least you seem to have some sense dessaml.

Thanks Shaz, I'm used to stating my opinion on everything but here it's just best not to unless you're asked, I think I got called judgmental like 10 times in one day the one time I decided to speak up, turned into a fight, the thread got closed and it was just damn annoying. Skin lightening is extremely taboo, especially in black cultures and people are super touchy.

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Originally Posted by dessaml

Thanks Shaz, I'm used to stating my opinion on everything but here it's just best not to unless you're asked, I think I got called judgmental like 10 times in one day the one time I decided to speak up, turned into a fight, the thread got closed and it was just damn annoying. Skin lightening is extremely taboo, especially in black cultures and people are super touchy.

I understand that for sure... I am 'much hated' on this forum now...

I am just trying to understand why it's taboo and why people find it necessary, from many of the responses I have seen it's based on what 'society thinks' and how they feel the need to be happy and please the crowds, it's sad (not in a derogatory way... I mean genuinely sad)...
I guess I will never know... no-one will actually have a discussion without it turning nasty. (although I am glad this thread seems to have turned back around)

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Originally Posted by shazamataz

I understand that for sure... I am 'much hated' on this forum now...

I am just trying to understand why it's taboo and why people find it necessary, from many of the responses I have seen it's based on what 'society thinks' and how they feel the need to be happy and please the crowds, it's sad (not in a derogatory way... I mean genuinely sad)....
I guess I will never know... no-one will actually have a discussion without it turning nasty. (although I am glad this thread seems to have turned back around)

I've never been disregarded or had a bad experience because of my color so I can't speak for them. But skin lightening is not talked about in our culture, its something we do but do not admit to... we even have thread on how to deal with people who ask if we have lightened... because you're not suppose to admit it, ever... unless it is for fading acne marks, lightening for vanity reasons is a big no-no. It's 3 in the morning so this is the only analogy I can think of right now... But where I am from it's like being catholic and admitting you had an abortion... you just don't do it. I don't know why that is, it just is. No one knows I lighten my skin.

Thank you dessaml, that is possibly the best explanation I have been given so far.

It just confuses me is all, I am trying to understand.
Where I live we have a lot of Sudanese immigrants, they have very, very dark skin and no-one thinks any differently of them (at least no-one that I know personally does)
I used to work in a supermarket and they were the best customers, so polite :)

I do not know much about American culture, I would like to learn.

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Originally Posted by shazamataz

Thankyou dessaml, that is possibly the best explanation I have been given so far.

It just confuses me is all, I am trying to understand.
Where I live we have a lot of Sudanese immigrants, they have very, very dark skin and no-one thinks any differently of them (at least no-one that I know personally does)
I used to work in a supermarket and they were the best customers, so polite :)

I do not know much about American culture, I would like to learn.

If you admit to it then people assume you hate your race and that you want to be a white person and be apart of the "white man's world" (whatever the hell that is) And then they bring up Michael Jackson... because we ALL want to look like him *sarcasm*... and then you are no longer considered black because you turned your back on your race... so then where do you fit in? You're not longer "black" but you arnt white either, not that you wanted to be in the first place... You become is raceless freak almost.

Oh no, I don't see it like that at all...
I don't think that anyone who lightens is turning their back on their race or anything like that, although I can see why people lightening (or people from 'their' race) would think that (even if it is wrong)
And yes, even I can see that the Michael Jackson analogy is just ridiculous :)

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Originally Posted by shazamataz

Oh no, I don't see it like that at all...
I don't think that anyone who lightens is turning their back on their race or anything like that, although I can see why people lightening (or people from 'their' race) would think that (even if it is wrong)
And yes, even I can see that the Michael Jackson analogy is just ridiculous :)

At least we understand each other, sorry about all the ranting :p

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Originally Posted by dessaml

I've never been disregarded or had a bad experience because of my color so I can't speak for them. But skin lightening is not talked about in our culture, its something we do but do not admit to...we even have thread on how to deal with people who ask if we have lightened...because you're not suppose to admit it, ever...unless it is for fading acne marks, lightening for vanity reasons is a big no-no. It's 3 in the morning so this is the only analogy I can think of right now...But where I am from it's like being catholic and admitting you had an abortion...you just don't do it. I don't know why that is, it just is. No one knows I lighten my skin.

Dessaml you hit it right on the nail when you said it was "taboo." Taboo is exactly what skin lightening is in the black culture. Not to be admitted nor discussed. Only in the privacy of online forums. If you watched the Tyra episode on skin bleaching you would see how taboo it is, so yes Shaz, people get EXTREMELY touchy because whenever someone comes on this section of the board, especially someone who is not black, and starts questioning their motives, some people feel like they are being attacked because people outside of their race do not know their personal struggles. But I hope you do read some of the introductory stories about why other people on this board lighten. Maybe it can give you an insight on other people's views and experiences and hopefully you are an objective person, but trust me you will not get through to most people as their minds are already made up about this topic, so please feel welcome to voice your opinion, but most of the time it will reach deaf ears lol. (and that was just to be informative, not at all defensive)

I started lightening my skin about 2 months ago. And within the first month, all of my friends and family, even people in the fashion industry where telling me how refreshed an fair my skin looked. I think the reason I did it was because of the mags n celebs who all look beautiful, but the main media focus is on the fairer skinned celebs. I know some gorgeous dark skined models who are happy with the way they look, but are put down sometimes beacause of their complection. This is not a nice feeling and is forcing our perception of beauty in the wrong direction x

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Originally Posted by shazamataz

Your second picture did not work so there is nothing to compare to.

And who says I have not experienced 'years of injustice' because I am pale?
It goes both ways, you also do not know my race, simply that I am "white"

People who use products to tan their skin are in my opinion fakes... they do it purely for aesthetic reason an honestly every person I have met who tans their skin is a complete bimbo.
I personally do not like skin cancer or looking orange.

I agree with your comments Itss a new day, I do hope she (or anyone) is not just looking for a man who noticed their skin color first and their personality second.

And yes lightening creams are only temporary, you are going to have to do it every single day your entire life if you want to be "happy"
Nothing is worth that much pain and frustration to look "good"

I think the first girl looks very pretty, but I also think the second one is pretty as well.... that is just based on looks... if they are absolutely obsessed with their skin I wouldn't want to know them.

http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thum...curly-hair.jpg http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/a...lekWekELLE.jpg

Beauty is only skin deep, as the saying goes.

Because if you understood where some of us are coming from, then you would not make it known as though you can not relate. Instead you would be able to relate. But, I have been visiting the tanning threads often within these past 3 months and I have never seen any posts of anyone questioning and trying to show light to them for tanning or wanting to achieve the appearance of tanned skin :confused: :confused: I wonder why? I do not mind others who want to ask and understand why we do what we do, as the reasons can be versatile. But, when it becomes repetitive and for others to become offended for our choices, but does not make these same posts known to those who tan or wish to alter themselves in one way or another in the other threads... to me I don't consider it to be fair really. It's like, then why have this forum up here if the objectives are to try and make them feel uncomfortable about their choices and enlighten them? Especially when someone else considered another's experiences to be considered "bull", that is so unsensitive and offensive. It's challenging enough to meet others who share the same interests and goals with one another, but to finally find an online forum where we can share is like being singled out and judged all over again.

Some people here may feel "less than" or ashamed when standing next to a fairer person. But, I have never felt this way and feel just as an equal as I know I already am. So that's not me. But, I do feel I deserved to be treated better from what I have personally experienced though out these years and no reason in me not achieving that. It isn't me trying to look "white", change races, or about how I'm viewed by other races. I like being my race and am actually have been treated much better by other races than I am my own. I would not even consider being with a guy who is so shallow-minded and condone me for bing darker, as I already have in the past and never will again. The would never have my time of day regardless of what shade I am because I love intellects and strongly dislike shallow, ignorant men. I do not believe "light" is better or more beautiful. But being treated better, as all races are beautiful. But whether consciously or unconsciously, society strongly disagrees and makes it very known with their words and actions and I don't have to settel for it.

Shazamataz, I consider all people beautiful regardless of their skin tone. Sudanese people are very kind and beautiful people and I know this first hand as I used to live in Sudan as well as Ethiopia and Egypt. Look at their genocide struggle mainly because of their skin color and how they are treated so badly because of their dark tone and treated this way from other black Sudanese people froim the north who consider themselves "arab". It's sick, I'll never forget trying to inform my sociology class (mixed group) and my professor (caucasion) in college about the genocide an slavery going on in Sudan. This was before it was internationally recognized as acutal genocide. My professor actually had the odacity to laugh and say my claims were false and outrageous and that stupid class went along with him. And I made it very known of his and the class'es stupidity and ignorance and stated that I have evidence what they were lacking so their foolish thoughts and giggles were bias and bogus... now I'm sure they feel mighty stupid if they acutally care what is going on.

Shaz there is no pipe. Very few, if any blacks or person of color do not care to go on the tanning forums and question anyway as we really don't mind what they choose what they do. I don't understand why many tan, but it's their choice and I respect it. I don't find it racist for a white or black to question it, but to stop always asking all of the time since they already have made up their mind of why we do what we do. So why ask if it falls on deaf ears and unopened mind anyway. We keep answering, but we all know it is more of statements to "enlighten" and not an actual question... as we have seen this hundreds of times already and nothing ever changes. I do not hate you Shaz, I find you to pretty cool. All I can say it to each his/her own, whether we are able to understand the other or not.

Itss A New Day I agree with you on that point. It is more of a choice and not a pressure so they are welcomed to do it openly. In our culture we my not express it as much verbally, but we make it very known what is praised or outcasted in many various ways.

I find every color beautiful and have dated in the past very dark tone like Awek to a very pale ginger who had bright red hair with freckles. I felt they were both very attractive inside and out, only in different ways.

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Originally Posted by BrownDeceit

Are you a woman? Are you a black woman? Are you even black? Have you physically been in our shoes? No you haven't. Because if you have, you wouldn't make such outrageous comments.

He (or she) is actually making a lot of sense.

I am Gabrielle Union's complexion with (nearly) the same facial features of actress K.D Aubert (from soul plane), except my nose is a little more pointier. My facial features basically look Indian/hispanic... Indians ask me if I'm Indian all the time. Just last week, an Indian man stopped and stared at me then told me I'm beautiful, and a few days ago an Indian cab driver told me I have a such a pretty face THEN told my WHITE friend that she just looks young... he didn't even say she's pretty! Honest to my dead grand mother! How can you say lighter skinned women are considered prettier? Its bull, or maybe I've simply never been through that. Asian, Hispanic, and (esspecialy Norwegian and Italian) white men have tried to date me. I'm only 19 and the amount of compliments I've received (by black men and by men of other races) through out my teenage years is ridiculous! When I walk down the street, men stare at me and tell me how beautiful I am! I've stood next to light skinned girls on the train, and at parties and 9/10 times I was the one that was stared at. Sorry to say, but it wasn't your skin color that made you invisible to men prior to skin bleaching. It must've been your facial features.

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Originally Posted by DyanaGiselle

Sorry to say, but it wasn't your skin color that made you invisible to men prior to skin bleaching. It must've been your facial features.

http://www.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/sign/sign0020.gif

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Originally Posted by dessaml

http://www.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/sign/sign0020.gif

I'm honestly not trying to be funny or make BrownDeceit feel bad, its just pure honesty. Skin color has nothing to do with beauty... its facial features. For example, Keri Hilson is darker than Keyshia Cole. But guess who's considered prettier? Keri Hilson of course.

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Originally Posted by DyanaGiselle

I'm honestly not trying to be funny or make BrownDeceit feel bad, its just pure honesty. Skin color has nothing to do with beauty... its facial features. For example, Keri Hilson is darker than Keyshia Cole. But guess who's considered prettier? Keri Hilson of course.

Well in a perfect world we would all look like Keri Hilson. In Brown's defense she got too light and thought it made her look weird so she cut back and actually went out in the sun to get some color back. So there is a limit.

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Originally Posted by dessaml

http://www.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/sign/sign0020.gif

LoL OK now that I'm reading that, it did sound funny but seriously, I wasn't trying to be. I hope she realizes that if she's getting attention from men now and think its because she's prettier, its not that she's prettier... her confidence is what's attracting these men. And if they're calling her pretty now, then she always was pretty. No matter how pretty a girl is, if she has a low self esteem.. Men won't notice her much/ think much of her. I've realized that.

In my experience, I have been quite dark (often on purpose from tanning) and not had men issues. In full-disclosure, most of the men I dated were non-black, so that might have been a factor. Or not. <shrug>

Thank you for the explanation Golden Girl, there are a few people on here who are willing to explain things to me rather than jump down my throat and immediately call me judgemental.

I now know it's a very touchy subject, I did not know that before... As I have said it's not like that where I live so I just want to understand.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, I have been picked on for my looks before so I know what it feels like... as I have grown as a person I have learnt to take others nasty comments with a grain of salt, if I think I'm beautiful and the people that matter think I'm beautiful then that's all that matters... screw everyone else.

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I would not even consider being with a guy who is so shallow-minded and condone me for bing darker, as I already have in the past and never will again. The would never have my time of day regardless of what shade I am because I love intellects and strongly dislike shallow, ignorant men. I do not believe "light" is better or more beautiful. But being treated better, as all races are beautiful. But whether consciously or unconsciously, society strongly disagrees and makes it very known with their words and actions and I don't have to settel for it.

I really like this passage... that's pretty much what I was trying to say, I'm glad that you do not have time for guys that only see your color and not who you are on the inside.
The only time I post is when I think that there is something more "sinister" going on... I get the feeling that the person is lightening for others approval not just for themselves.

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Originally Posted by DyanaGiselle

LoL ok now that I'm reading that, it did sound funny but seriously, I wasn't trying to be. I hope she realizes that if shes getting attention from men now and think its because she's prettier, its not that she's prettier... her confidence is what's attracting these men. And if they're calling her pretty now, then she always was pretty. No matter how pretty a girl is, if she has a low self esteem.. Men won't notice her much/ think much of her. I've realized that.

Been there tried that... I said it was a confidence factor and no-one believed me. :p

For some it might be... for others they may in fact just be picking the wrong crowd to hang out with.

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Originally Posted by DyanaGiselle

LoL ok now that I'm reading that, it did sound funny but seriously, I wasn't trying to be. I hope she realizes that if shes getting attention from men now and think its because she's prettier, its not that she's prettier... her confidence is what's attracting these men. And if they're calling her pretty now, then she always was pretty. No matter how pretty a girl is, if she has a low self esteem.. Men won't notice her much/ think much of her. I've realized that.

Well said girl;)