I have NEVER heard that Jamaican women are looked down on in terms of there looks before Nigerian yes
But again this proves my point about the social circles we choose to mix in not everyone thinks the same way that you speak of black people

I did not mean you have to up sticks and fly across country but your response clearly shows that you think YOU have to do something to YOURSELF to find approval from the outside world rather than finding INTELLIGENT non color struck black men to associate yourself with that in itself I find rather crazy

Clearly darkskingirl your issues are very deep rooted why you are now looking for surgery to ''water'' down your ethnicity in terms of appearance to the outside world

I often wonder when people have that kind of surgery if they have children one day what will you tell your child when they say they are ugly because they have a broad nose or ''African'' features... will you tell them yes you are ugly for now but wait until you turn 18 then you can have surgery to change it?


People will do as they please just like you and many others will continue to spend hundreds if not thousand trying to bleach your skin for the rest of your life so as to keep up with the small minded people that you surround yourself with


I can only hope you find peace in your life some day because there are some wounds there that need healing

I don't know what I will tell my children if I have any. Maybe they will be happier with their looks more than I was so they won't need any affirmation from me or the outside world. Maybe they won't come out looking anything like me. I don't know. I just feel that I'll be much happier if I did not have such an African looking face. It irks me when people ask me if I am from Africa when I don't have an accent, and most black americans look like them too. I don't want to look so much like them that people think I am from there. Black guys don't even find african girls attractive, they think latina and mixed looking girls are where it's at. So I'd much rather achieve that look through bleaching my skin and plastic surgery.

ImageShack - Hosting :: cassievn0.jpg

This is the color I want to be. And I'd like to have that mixed look like her. She has the kind of beauty and features that all black men would find attractive. Not one black guy would say she wasn't hot, whereas with darker complected girls like me with black features not all guys would agree that we were attractive. She probably can get into all the clubs and get all kinds of guys asking her out

Again you generalize a lot in your thinking this goes back to my point of socializing I know plently of black MEN who do not find cassie stunning but I'm assuming you are quite young


I'm puzzled as to why you brought up clubs? Have you been refused entry to a club due to your skin shade? Have you ever thought that if you had a more positive outlook on yourself that perhaps you wouldn't find what few comments black men may make irk and upset you?

What is your color celeb wise

Jennifer hudson/gabrielle union's complexion now. But w/o skin bleaching I am darker. I can't think of a celeb darker than them because you don't see too many chocolate girls on TV

When I do go to clubs (I don't go anymore) I don't stand out at all. I'm not light enough, my clothes are not provocative enough, everything just isn't right. So I refuse to go because I never have a good time. I've talked to black guys and they say lightskin girls stand out in dark clubs because you can see them better than the chocolate girls. And they also say that you see more pretty lightskin girls than darkskin girls.

So is the skin shade you are with bleaching considered where you come from still dark skinned?

That stuff about the clubs is so much BS its unreal are you from the south in America?

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Originally Posted by DarkSkinGirl

jennifer hudson/gabrielle union's complexion now. but w/o skin bleaching i am darker. i can't think of a celeb darker than them because you don't see too many chocolate girls on tv

when i do go to clubs (i don't go anymore) i don't stand out at all. im not light enough, my clothes are not provocative enough, everything just isn't right. so i refuse to go because i never have a good time. i've talked to black guys and they say lightskin girls stand out in dark clubs because you can see them better than the chocolate girls. and they also say that you see more pretty lightskin girls than darkskin girls.

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How old are you?

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Originally Posted by nikki1000

so is the skin shade you are with bleaching considered where you come from still dark skinned?

that stuff about the clubs is so much BS its unreal are you from the south in America?

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Yeah, the shade I am is still considered darkskin (gabrielle union/jen hudson) sometimes brown. But during the summer, even when I use sunblock I get darker almost to my original shade, even when I don't go outside. I am in the USA

I used to feel really inferior whenever a lightskin girl was around, I just wanted to run and hide. I would feel incredibly ugly. I am working on that now. But I don't like to go out to clubs or parties or anything, because I feel I won't be light enough or pretty enough. Or that there will be very beautiful lightskin women there who will get all the attention, and I won't be able to get at least one guy to look my way.

Once when I had a boyfriend, we went to the movies, and I saw all these cute lightskin girls going inside the theater while we were in the parking lot. Out of nowhere, I said that I wanted to go home. We had a spat, and he was literally trying to drag me out of the car to go. He didn't understand my change of mood. I was scared that he might see them, and wish that he had one of 'em. I refused to go inside, and he ended up dropping me off at home. We rarely went anywhere, because I had this fear that he'd see girls who were lighter and prettier and want to be with them.

Even recently, there was this guy in my class who would always spark up a conversation with me, I noticed that whenever we were talking he would stare down lightskin women. There was this lightskin lady who was a secretary that would always pass by, and he would start gazing at her. I felt so humilated each time he did this. I became depressed again. I didn't know why he would always come and talk to me, if all he wanted to do was check out lightskin women in my presence. It pretty much ruined myself esteem and I'd always leave campus feeling incredibly miserable. I don't even date or try to. I figure any man will just settle for me because I am dark, and darkskin girls are not as good of a catch as lightskin ones


avaanstar, I am 22 years old.

Yourself esteem is so low it really is its like you hold light skinned women at the root of your problems

Have you ever thought of counseling I can tell that you really are hurting by this which is so sad it really is

I would really look into counseling as the pain you have is so deep I think you need to talk to someone to really get a hold of it and to see yourself better

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Originally Posted by DarkSkinGirl

Well, I choose to be lighter because hate being darkskin. I got teased for it in elementary, and some of middle school and constantly got looked over by guys all through high school because of it. I never accepted my skin color and begged my mother to take me to a derm so I can get hydroquinone which she did.

Ever since I was 17 I have bleached my skin. I observed that I get noticed more from men. Much more, they break their backs to get to me then. When the cream stops working, the men don't notice me as much. It has nothing to do with having less confidence when I am darker..a lot of times I don't even realize how dark I have gotten until I notice that guys aren't checking me out as often as they used to. That's when I know I need to find another bleaching cream.


So in essence, I hate being dark and will NEVER accept it. If I had never used a bleaching cream in my life, I'd probably would have never dated at all. Without the cream, I am very very chocolate. I look at my pics from childhood and cringe. Some of them I rip apart and throw away in the garbage. I don't ever want to go back to that color again. I despise it. If some people want to accept it, and stay their natural dark selves good for them, but that doesn't mean other people have to, all of our experiences are different and maybe they didn't have it as difficult as others. I just know how lighter complected women are treated in scoiety. And I see everyday, when a woman has lightskin or mixed kids, I watch how people over compliment the baby, and say how gorgeous and lucky he/she is to have lightskin and light eyes. Why would I not want that kind of attention? So that's why I bleach and wear colored contacts.



Now, when I am darkskin I do get some men, but the quality of men really suck, and they are few and far inbetween. When I am lighter, guys are more struck by my beauty, and treat me a lot nicer. When I am darker, they are kinda 'meh' about me, and don't really pursue me. It's like I have to try much harder.

So that is why I use bleaching creams, (light colored contact lenses help a lot too) and will not stop until the day I die.

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This comment to be honest, is very sad. I think to some point. I can go very dark in the summer and always get teased. I got teased when I was a kid too.

But being dark didn't stop men checking me out and most were very attractive, a few indian males too, they were hot! I had no problems dating and have dated white, my own race, korean etc.

Men will like you not just based on your skin color, but multitudes of things. Your figure, your personality, your smile etc. You can't just blame your skin color for the reason why quality men don't look at you. It could just very well be that you're showing some sort of negative energy that make men run when you're feeling and looking dark.

I find a lot of people that are pale want to tan and get darker and a lot of people with dark skin want to get lighter. I think of it like wanting what you don't have. A lot of people with curly hair want straight hair and others who have straight hair want curly hair.. I'm short and wish to be tall and my girl friends always tell me they wish to be petite like me. Go figure..

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Originally Posted by DarkSkinGirl

. It has nothing to do with having less confidence when I am darker..

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DarkSkin, I am reading your posts and I know you have a self confidence issue. Let me explain. You know how when you get a new outfit or your hair looks good you feel better about yourself? That's how most women feel. They feel better when they think that they look better. But those examples that I just listed are somewhat accessory items-things that enhance their beauty. Lightening your skin on the other hand is not. You want to change who you are. You just don't want to be light to please yourself. It seems like you want to be light to get attention from men.

I'm dark. Like Iman dark, and I love it. I embrace it. It makes me who I am. Yes, you see a lot of light skinned pretty women, but you don't see that many dark skinned pretty women. So you do stand out. You may not realize it because you are so wrapped up in this thing that you are inferior to a lighter skin woman. Unfortunately, people do view lighter skin as beautiful. I have seen some very unattractive women, but because they have lighter skin people say they are pretty. It's a very skewed perception on their part, but expect more from a darker women in order to consider her pretty.

And I'm sorry I don't know where you live, but I have lived in Chicago, Indiana, and Florida (and that is where I got my skin tone to where it is now), and not to mention I have visited a lot of other places. But I get hit on by a lot of men whenever I go out. Black, white, spanish, and indian. Did I mention that I am dark? And I get hit on in a hat and sweats.

You also keep on referencing the bar. Are you trying to find a husband at the bar?? Because if you are then someone stopped payment on your reality check. People should not go to bars to find their significant other, maybe that's the reason why you can't find a quality man. Oh, but wait, you did say that when you are lighter skin that you find great men. Why aren't you still with one of them? Is it because your skin lightening cream wore off and all of a sudden they found out that they were actually dating a dark skinned girl? I'm just being facetious. You don't need a bunch of men falling head over heels in love with you, trust me dating more than one guy can get messy. All you need it one, but you won't be able to find him if you are so wrapped up in the losers that are obsessed with your skin tone.

And what television are you looking at, because I see a lot of dark skinned women on television.

I don't want my response to come off sounding harsh, I am not trying to be that way at all. I just want you to understand that maybe it is something in your head.

Good luck

I have went to counseling a few times. In therapy, there were some students and when I discussed my insecurities the lady told me "at least you're not ugly. you're not ugly." Like that didn't really sit too well with me and made me feel worse. Like Im not pretty either, huh? That replays over and over in my mind. I don't feel pretty at all.

Yes, for example many men ( like myself) very much prefer dark women, it is a matter of each person has their own ideas of what they like.

And who ever teased you in school for being dark, would have for being skinny, or fat, or wearing glasses, or being short, people who make fun of others make fun of everyone.

Darkskin I don't blame you for lightening, I also see that the lighter I am the more attention I get, so who cares if people cannot understand why you want to be ligh, like hello do they walk around in your shoes, I love my new color and I will continue to lighten, ohh and I also got permanent contacts in my eyes they look so natural and their not detectable by the naked eye the surgery cost me 7500 US$

Good luck girl

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Originally Posted by lighterrr

darkskin i dont blame you for lightening, i also see that the lighter i am the more attention i get, so who cares if people cannot understand why you want to be ligh, like hello do they walk around in your shoes, i love my new color and i will continue to lighten, ohh and i also got permanent contacts in my eyes they look so natural and thier not detectable by the naked eye the surgery cost me 7500 US$

good luck girl

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What doctor did you go to? I have been considering this

Well, how do I feel pretty even when other people may not think so?

I am starting to compare myself to other women, even darkskin women too, thinking "I'm not as pretty as her. My eyes are not distinct enough." Ya know. Even when I go out, I wonder, "if I looked like Beyonce he probalby would have asked me for my number." or I wonder if this waitress would have been nicer to me or complimented me if I looked like this celeb or that person. I can't stop doing it . It's starting to just drive me crazy. I want to be happy with myself

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Originally Posted by DarkSkinGirl

Well, how do I feel pretty even when other people may not think so?

I am starting to compare myself to other women, even darkskin women too, thinking "I'm not as pretty as her. My eyes are not distinct enough." Ya know. Even when I go out, I wonder, "if I looked like Beyonce he probalby would have asked me for my number." or I wonder if this waitress would have been nicer to me or complimented me if I looked like this celeb or that person. I can't stop doing it . It's starting to just drive me crazy. I want to be happy with myself

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Do you have body dysmorphic disorder?

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Originally Posted by mimi888

do you have body dysmorphic disorder?

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I don't know what that is.

Not sure either, but putting disorder aside true happiness comes from inside, I am somewhat superficial but to a great extent I am grounded and day by day I grow on accepting myself more and morem through meditation and trying to conect with the soul within