I have NEVER heard that Jamaican women are looked down on in terms of there looks before Nigerian yes
But again this proves my point about the social circles we choose to mix in not everyone thinks the same way that you speak of black people

I did not mean you have to up sticks and fly across country but your response clearly shows that you think YOU have to do something to YOURSELF to find approval from the outside world rather than finding INTELLIGENT non color struck black men to associate yourself with that in itself I find rather crazy

Clearly darkskingirl your issues are very deep rooted why you are now looking for surgery to ''water'' down your ethnicity in terms of appearance to the outside world

I often wonder when people have that kind of surgery if they have children one day what will you tell your child when they say they are ugly because they have a broad nose or ''African'' features... will you tell them yes you are ugly for now but wait until you turn 18 then you can have surgery to change it?


People will do as they please just like you and many others will continue to spend hundreds if not thousand trying to bleach your skin for the rest of your life so as to keep up with the small minded people that you surround yourself with


I can only hope you find peace in your life some day because there are some wounds there that need healing

I don't know what I will tell my children if I have any. Maybe they will be happier with their looks more than I was so they won't need any affirmation from me or the outside world. Maybe they won't come out looking anything like me. I don't know. I just feel that I'll be much happier if I did not have such an African looking face. It irks me when people ask me if I am from Africa when I don't have an accent, and most black americans look like them too. I don't want to look so much like them that people think I am from there. Black guys don't even find african girls attractive, they think latina and mixed looking girls are where it's at. So I'd much rather achieve that look through bleaching my skin and plastic surgery.

ImageShack - Hosting :: cassievn0.jpg

This is the color I want to be. And I'd like to have that mixed look like her. She has the kind of beauty and features that all black men would find attractive. Not one black guy would say she wasn't hot, whereas with darker complected girls like me with black features not all guys would agree that we were attractive. She probably can get into all the clubs and get all kinds of guys asking her out

Again you generalize a lot in your thinking this goes back to my point of socializing I know plently of black MEN who do not find cassie stunning but I'm assuming you are quite young


I'm puzzled as to why you brought up clubs? Have you been refused entry to a club due to your skin shade? Have you ever thought that if you had a more positive outlook on yourself that perhaps you wouldn't find what few comments black men may make irk and upset you?

What is your color celeb wise

Jennifer hudson/gabrielle union's complexion now. But w/o skin bleaching I am darker. I can't think of a celeb darker than them because you don't see too many chocolate girls on TV

When I do go to clubs (I don't go anymore) I don't stand out at all. I'm not light enough, my clothes are not provocative enough, everything just isn't right. So I refuse to go because I never have a good time. I've talked to black guys and they say lightskin girls stand out in dark clubs because you can see them better than the chocolate girls. And they also say that you see more pretty lightskin girls than darkskin girls.

So is the skin shade you are with bleaching considered where you come from still dark skinned?

That stuff about the clubs is so much BS its unreal are you from the south in America?

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Originally Posted by DarkSkinGirl

jennifer hudson/gabrielle union's complexion now. but w/o skin bleaching i am darker. i can't think of a celeb darker than them because you don't see too many chocolate girls on tv

when i do go to clubs (i don't go anymore) i don't stand out at all. im not light enough, my clothes are not provocative enough, everything just isn't right. so i refuse to go because i never have a good time. i've talked to black guys and they say lightskin girls stand out in dark clubs because you can see them better than the chocolate girls. and they also say that you see more pretty lightskin girls than darkskin girls.

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How old are you?

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Originally Posted by nikki1000

so is the skin shade you are with bleaching considered where you come from still dark skinned?

that stuff about the clubs is so much BS its unreal are you from the south in America?

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Yeah, the shade I am is still considered darkskin (gabrielle union/jen hudson) sometimes brown. But during the summer, even when I use sunblock I get darker almost to my original shade, even when I don't go outside. I am in the USA

I used to feel really inferior whenever a lightskin girl was around, I just wanted to run and hide. I would feel incredibly ugly. I am working on that now. But I don't like to go out to clubs or parties or anything, because I feel I won't be light enough or pretty enough. Or that there will be very beautiful lightskin women there who will get all the attention, and I won't be able to get at least one guy to look my way.

Once when I had a boyfriend, we went to the movies, and I saw all these cute lightskin girls going inside the theater while we were in the parking lot. Out of nowhere, I said that I wanted to go home. We had a spat, and he was literally trying to drag me out of the car to go. He didn't understand my change of mood. I was scared that he might see them, and wish that he had one of 'em. I refused to go inside, and he ended up dropping me off at home. We rarely went anywhere, because I had this fear that he'd see girls who were lighter and prettier and want to be with them.

Even recently, there was this guy in my class who would always spark up a conversation with me, I noticed that whenever we were talking he would stare down lightskin women. There was this lightskin lady who was a secretary that would always pass by, and he would start gazing at her. I felt so humilated each time he did this. I became depressed again. I didn't know why he would always come and talk to me, if all he wanted to do was check out lightskin women in my presence. It pretty much ruined myself esteem and I'd always leave campus feeling incredibly miserable. I don't even date or try to. I figure any man will just settle for me because I am dark, and darkskin girls are not as good of a catch as lightskin ones


avaanstar, I am 22 years old.

Yourself esteem is so low it really is its like you hold light skinned women at the root of your problems

Have you ever thought of counseling I can tell that you really are hurting by this which is so sad it really is

I would really look into counseling as the pain you have is so deep I think you need to talk to someone to really get a hold of it and to see yourself better

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Originally Posted by DarkSkinGirl

Well, I choose to be lighter because hate being darkskin. I got teased for it in elementary, and some of middle school and constantly got looked over by guys all through high school because of it. I never accepted my skin color and begged my mother to take me to a derm so I can get hydroquinone which she did.

Ever since I was 17 I have bleached my skin. I observed that I get noticed more from men. Much more, they break their backs to get to me then. When the cream stops working, the men don't notice me as much. It has nothing to do with having less confidence when I am darker..a lot of times I don't even realize how dark I have gotten until I notice that guys aren't checking me out as often as they used to. That's when I know I need to find another bleaching cream.


So in essence, I hate being dark and will NEVER accept it. If I had never used a bleaching cream in my life, I'd probably would have never dated at all. Without the cream, I am very very chocolate. I look at my pics from childhood and cringe. Some of them I rip apart and throw away in the garbage. I don't ever want to go back to that color again. I despise it. If some people want to accept it, and stay their natural dark selves good for them, but that doesn't mean other people have to, all of our experiences are different and maybe they didn't have it as difficult as others. I just know how lighter complected women are treated in scoiety. And I see everyday, when a woman has lightskin or mixed kids, I watch how people over compliment the baby, and say how gorgeous and lucky he/she is to have lightskin and light eyes. Why would I not want that kind of attention? So that's why I bleach and wear colored contacts.



Now, when I am darkskin I do get some men, but the quality of men really suck, and they are few and far inbetween. When I am lighter, guys are more struck by my beauty, and treat me a lot nicer. When I am darker, they are kinda 'meh' about me, and don't really pursue me. It's like I have to try much harder.

So that is why I use bleaching creams, (light colored contact lenses help a lot too) and will not stop until the day I die.

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This comment to be honest, is very sad. I think to some point. I can go very dark in the summer and always get teased. I got teased when I was a kid too.

But being dark didn't stop men checking me out and most were very attractive, a few indian males too, they were hot! I had no problems dating and have dated white, my own race, korean etc.

Men will like you not just based on your skin color, but multitudes of things. Your figure, your personality, your smile etc. You can't just blame your skin color for the reason why quality men don't look at you. It could just very well be that you're showing some sort of negative energy that make men run when you're feeling and looking dark.

I find a lot of people that are pale want to tan and get darker and a lot of people with dark skin want to get lighter. I think of it like wanting what you don't have. A lot of people with curly hair want straight hair and others who have straight hair want curly hair.. I'm short and wish to be tall and my girl friends always tell me they wish to be petite like me. Go figure..

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Originally Posted by DarkSkinGirl

. It has nothing to do with having less confidence when I am darker..

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DarkSkin, I am reading your posts and I know you have a self confidence issue. Let me explain. You know how when you get a new outfit or your hair looks good you feel better about yourself? That's how most women feel. They feel better when they think that they look better. But those examples that I just listed are somewhat accessory items-things that enhance their beauty. Lightening your skin on the other hand is not. You want to change who you are. You just don't want to be light to please yourself. It seems like you want to be light to get attention from men.

I'm dark. Like Iman dark, and I love it. I embrace it. It makes me who I am. Yes, you see a lot of light skinned pretty women, but you don't see that many dark skinned pretty women. So you do stand out. You may not realize it because you are so wrapped up in this thing that you are inferior to a lighter skin woman. Unfortunately, people do view lighter skin as beautiful. I have seen some very unattractive women, but because they have lighter skin people say they are pretty. It's a very skewed perception on their part, but expect more from a darker women in order to consider her pretty.

And I'm sorry I don't know where you live, but I have lived in Chicago, Indiana, and Florida (and that is where I got my skin tone to where it is now), and not to mention I have visited a lot of other places. But I get hit on by a lot of men whenever I go out. Black, white, spanish, and indian. Did I mention that I am dark? And I get hit on in a hat and sweats.

You also keep on referencing the bar. Are you trying to find a husband at the bar?? Because if you are then someone stopped payment on your reality check. People should not go to bars to find their significant other, maybe that's the reason why you can't find a quality man. Oh, but wait, you did say that when you are lighter skin that you find great men. Why aren't you still with one of them? Is it because your skin lightening cream wore off and all of a sudden they found out that they were actually dating a dark skinned girl? I'm just being facetious. You don't need a bunch of men falling head over heels in love with you, trust me dating more than one guy can get messy. All you need it one, but you won't be able to find him if you are so wrapped up in the losers that are obsessed with your skin tone.

And what television are you looking at, because I see a lot of dark skinned women on television.

I don't want my response to come off sounding harsh, I am not trying to be that way at all. I just want you to understand that maybe it is something in your head.

Good luck

I have went to counseling a few times. In therapy, there were some students and when I discussed my insecurities the lady told me "at least you're not ugly. you're not ugly." Like that didn't really sit too well with me and made me feel worse. Like Im not pretty either, huh? That replays over and over in my mind. I don't feel pretty at all.

Yes, for example many men ( like myself) very much prefer dark women, it is a matter of each person has their own ideas of what they like.

And who ever teased you in school for being dark, would have for being skinny, or fat, or wearing glasses, or being short, people who make fun of others make fun of everyone.

Darkskin I don't blame you for lightening, I also see that the lighter I am the more attention I get, so who cares if people cannot understand why you want to be ligh, like hello do they walk around in your shoes, I love my new color and I will continue to lighten, ohh and I also got permanent contacts in my eyes they look so natural and their not detectable by the naked eye the surgery cost me 7500 US$

Good luck girl

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Originally Posted by lighterrr

darkskin i dont blame you for lightening, i also see that the lighter i am the more attention i get, so who cares if people cannot understand why you want to be ligh, like hello do they walk around in your shoes, i love my new color and i will continue to lighten, ohh and i also got permanent contacts in my eyes they look so natural and thier not detectable by the naked eye the surgery cost me 7500 US$

good luck girl

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What doctor did you go to? I have been considering this

Well, how do I feel pretty even when other people may not think so?

I am starting to compare myself to other women, even darkskin women too, thinking "I'm not as pretty as her. My eyes are not distinct enough." Ya know. Even when I go out, I wonder, "if I looked like Beyonce he probalby would have asked me for my number." or I wonder if this waitress would have been nicer to me or complimented me if I looked like this celeb or that person. I can't stop doing it . It's starting to just drive me crazy. I want to be happy with myself

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Originally Posted by DarkSkinGirl

Well, how do I feel pretty even when other people may not think so?

I am starting to compare myself to other women, even darkskin women too, thinking "I'm not as pretty as her. My eyes are not distinct enough." Ya know. Even when I go out, I wonder, "if I looked like Beyonce he probalby would have asked me for my number." or I wonder if this waitress would have been nicer to me or complimented me if I looked like this celeb or that person. I can't stop doing it . It's starting to just drive me crazy. I want to be happy with myself

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Do you have body dysmorphic disorder?

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Originally Posted by mimi888

do you have body dysmorphic disorder?

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I don't know what that is.

Not sure either, but putting disorder aside true happiness comes from inside, I am somewhat superficial but to a great extent I am grounded and day by day I grow on accepting myself more and morem through meditation and trying to conect with the soul within

YouTube - Too Ugly To Live - Part 1

I posted this on a diff thread but I think it's more appropriate here

Skin lightening is such a touchy issue and not accepted by people which I think is a double standard because there are so many products out there to DARKEN people's skin. Just like weight loss products people go crazy to lose weight to even attain unhealthy body weight but it's unheard of for people in the western society to want to increase body weight. But I've heard middle eastern men PREFER big women.

In my opinion most of the academic/research happens in western countries and it's driven by the market.. ie. What white people want. White people want to tan their skin so companies research and come up with products that the western society want. I bet if there was more of a research interest and money spent towards products desired by other cultures they would have a good product out for skin-lightening today.

Well that was a lot of rambling sorry about that.

Personally, I like myself a lot better when I look pale. When I get sunburn, I feel dirty. I don't think there is anything wrong with preferring light skin. And no it is not "known that people look better with color." Some like light, some like dark.

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Originally Posted by barry101

Personally, I like myself a lot better when I look pale. When I get sunburn, I feel dirty. I don't think there is anything wrong with prefering light skin. And no it is not "known that people look better with color." Some like light, some like dark.

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That's the problem. Why do you feel dirty because you are dark? There is absolutely nothing wrong with preferring light skin, but there is something wrong when you think negatively of dark skin. I would never want to have light skin, but I don't go around saying that there is anything wrong with people that do have light skin.

My skin is naturally white. I have always had an aversion to dark skin. No I am not brainwashed by the media, I preferred light skin from as long as I can remember. So when my face gets a tan, or a burn, it grosses me out, especially since it doesn't match the rest of me.

To DarkSkinGirl:
I'm a little late to this post, but I just joined the group. This whole post has made me very sad. I wish I had double majored in Chemistry along with Engineering, because it has now become my sincere wish to see a Safe and Effective skin lightening product developed.

There should NOT be any Taboo assigned to skin lightening. White women use fake tanners and our society doesn't bat an eye. No one scoffs at them - why? What about the middle aged white women who are sun damaged from years of sun bathing. They look old and leathery - In my opinion. Even with all the scientific evidence that it's dangerous, I still see young white women sun bathing all the time! Yet it's OK for them to want to be darker.

The OP will never understand your trials. She is light, the men in her world like her. Does she have a great personality? - I'm sure she does. Does she have confidence? - That goes without saying. But it's easy to have such confidence when finding a mate is as simple as walking out the door in the morning.

I have female black cousins that are in your shoes. Yes they have great personalities, and yes they are proud black women - but honestly they are hurting because the men in their world often pass them by whenever a lighter skinned woman enters the scene. I'm certianly not going to say that all black men want light women - that's just not true. But it does seem like the majority of them do. Especiallly this new generation. One of my male black cousins - won't date ANY black women.

So it's not just you and it's not all in your head. Oh and the door swings both ways, I'm a mixed race but I look white, well almost white;) And I've had my share of rejections from the females who only like "all-white" men or men with long straight hair. So I feel your struggle too. Let me know if you want to talk. God bless.

To Avvanstar:
I hope this sheds a little light as to why "Some" of us would like to be lighter. (Can't speak for all). Another thing you should do is ask a white person (that actively tans) - Why she tans. She'll probably say, "because it makes me feel more attractive." There's your answer.

Well said farmer, its all about the individual being comforteble in their own skin, and its not up to anyone to judge them

Over and over again I am hearing in this post that when people give their explanations of wanting to be lighter skin it usually involves how someone else, or rather how they think that someone else perceives them. Is that really where people's self worth come from?? Farmers, I ask you why is your or anyone else's self worth determined by how easy it is to walk out the door and find a mate? You may not agree that that is what you are trying to say, but essentially that is what you are saying. Newsflash, the reason that black men are steering away from black women is not because of the hue of their skin tone. It's because of their personality, the way that they carry themselves, and they can smell the desperation they have to find a man. I tell you what, any woman that can not find a black man that is interested in dark women come and hang around me I will give you my left overs. Of course I am being facetious, but before anyone takes the narrowminded approach and just chalks everything up to their skin color they should really look at themselves and see what they actually have to offer to someone.

Fj its is well know that acceptance is a natural human desire, We all want to be accepted and rejection is often very difficult to deal with as human beings.

Having said that some people believe that being lighter will allow them to be accepted by society and others without great effort or difficulty. No, one sees the beauty inside when the first meet someone, so appearances does matter, and society has norm or what they consider to be attractive, the fact is that it is their and there is no need to hide our heads in the sand in denial, every society has an image they consider to be sexy. Attractive and we are essentially all products of the society we live in.
I have been whitening for some months now, I had to stop for now, but I will continue to whiten when the time is right again. I like being light skinned and I do know there are black men that prefer dark skinned woman I have dated a few, but lightening is a decision that I made for myself and me alone.

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Originally Posted by lighterrr

fj its is well know that acceptance is a natural human desire, We all want to be accepted and rejection is often very difficult to deal with as human beings.

Having said that some people beleive that being lighter will allow them to be accepted by society and others without great effort or difficulty. No, one sees the beauty inside when the first meet someone, so appearances does matter, and society has norm or what they consider to be attractive, the fact is that it is their and their is no need to hide our heads in the sand in denial, every society has an image they consider to be sexy. attractive and we are essentially all products of the society we live in.
I have been whitening for some months now, i had to stop for now, but i will continue to whiten when the time is right again. I like being light skinned and i do know their are black men that prefer dark skinned woman i have dated a few, but lightening is a decision that i made for myself and me alone.

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Preach lol.

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Originally Posted by lighterrr

fj its is well know that acceptance is a natural human desire, We all want to be accepted and rejection is often very difficult to deal with as human beings.

Having said that some people beleive that being lighter will allow them to be accepted by society and others without great effort or difficulty. No, one sees the beauty inside when the first meet someone, so appearances does matter, and society has norm or what they consider to be attractive, the fact is that it is their and their is no need to hide our heads in the sand in denial, every society has an image they consider to be sexy. attractive and we are essentially all products of the society we live in.
I have been whitening for some months now, i had to stop for now, but i will continue to whiten when the time is right again. I like being light skinned and i do know their are black men that prefer dark skinned woman i have dated a few, but lightening is a decision that i made for myself and me alone.

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Lighterrr, I hear you for most people in the world they want to be accepted, and rejection is quite hard to deal with, but that is where your level of self esteem comes in to play. If someone isn't interested in me I don't run the nearest drug store blaming the color of my skin for that. Yes, it is so unfortunate that society dictates how a person wants to look. But it is quite apparent that within just our society beauty is viewed at many different shades, body types, and so on. For instance, most people view Angelina Jolie as beautiful and at the same time view Halle Berry as beautiful. Beauty is not determined by the color of your skin. It is a culmination of traits, characteristics, and personality attirbutes. It is unfortunate that people keep perpetuating the cycle by saying that beauty is strictly governed by the color of your skin.

And if you like to be light skin because it's your personal preference then by all means go for it, but don't use the excuse that society's view on beauty is based strictly on having lighter skin. Moreover, it isn't such a good argument to say that other people are not attracted to you because of the color of your skin, because guess what, you will have a new portion of society that isn't attracted to you.

I know my dark skin is sexy, but I prefer to be lighter, thtats my preference and I don't believe that self esteem has anything to do with whitening
I don't believe that is the motive behind my lightening journey, the thing is that everyone has something on their body that they would like to change it just so happens for me its my skin color

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Originally Posted by lighterrr

i know my dark skin is sexy, but i prefer to be lighter, thtats my preference and i dont beleive that self esteem has anything to do with whitening
i dont beleive that is the motive behind my lightening journey, the thing is that everyone has something on their body that they would like to change it just so happens for me its my skin color

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I don't think that you fully read my response. So I am going to give it to you again briefly. I said if it is your personal preference then go for it. That means if it is something that makes you happy then by all means go for it. But if your reason for lightening your skin is because you think that men will be attracted to you, or you will be more aesthetically pleasing to society then you have self esteem issues and that goes for anything that you do. For example, women that dress sexy because it makes them feel good, do it for themselves, but a woman that dresses sexy just to attract a man has self esteem issues. You get it, for yourself=no self esteem issues, for others=self esteem issues.

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Originally Posted by fjsmith81

I don't think that you fully read my response. So I am going to give it to you again briefly. I said if it is your personal preference then go for it. That means if it is something that makes you happy then by all means go for it. But if your reason for lightening your skin is because you think that men will be attracted to you, or you will be more aesthetically pleasing to society then you have self esteem issues and that goes for anything that you do. For example, women that dress sexy because it makes them feel good, do it for themselves, but a woman that dresses sexy just to attract a man has self esteem issues. You get it, for yourself=no self esteem issues, for others=self esteem issues.

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I agree with lighterr in answer to your question about why people would want to change their physical appearance based on how others perceive them in that it being probably just human nature.
Your question is however different I think from what the OP was asking which is why one would specifically would want lighter skin and I think that answer was already given by several posters as it being just a personal preference like wanting lose weight to feel more attractive etc.

I just realized that the OP's question was already answered in the FAQ by PunkChic. PunkChic gives the absolute BEST answer there. See FAQ - "Why do people use skin lightening products?"

People who ask this question are usually not into skin lightening/brightening, they have no intention of using any skin brightening products, they sign up to ask just this one question and then disappear. (Not realizing this is a personal and emotional subject) the question creates a perfect storm of people arguing over the right and wrong reasons for doing it, or even if it should be done at all. Also, people (myself included) get emotional and say things that are best kept between themselves and their family/friends. Ultimately nothing constructive comes of it and the OP is long gone.

My advise in the future: If a person logs in and asks this/similar question, just refer them to PunkChic's FAQ answer and be done with it.

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Originally Posted by fjsmith81

Lighterrr, I hear you for most people in the world they want to be accepted, and rejection is quite hard to deal with, but that is where your level of self esteem comes in to play. If someone isn't interested in me I don't run the nearest drug store blaming the color of my skin for that. Yes, it is so unfortunate that society dictates how a person wants to look. But it is quite apparent that within just our society beauty is viewed at many different shades, body types, and so on. For instance, most people view Angelina Jolie as beautiful and at the same time view Halle Berry as beautiful. Beauty is not determined by the color of your skin. It is a culmination of traits, characteristics, and personality attirbutes. It is unfortunate that people keep perpetuating the cycle by saying that beauty is strictly governed by the color of your skin.

And if you like to be light skin because it's your personal preference then by all means go for it, but don't use the excuse that society's view on beauty is based strictly on having lighter skin. Moreover, it isn't such a good argument to say that other people are not attracted to you because of the color of your skin, because guess what, you will have a new portion of society that isn't attracted to you.

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... But it just so happens to be true that women with fairer skin are seen as more attractive in cultures all over the world. So speaking of societal pressures is not an "excuse", it's just the truth. I'm sure many people would not want to lighten or darken their skin (or otherwise alter themselves) if they didn't feel some sort of pressure from society.

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Originally Posted by Vicky_D

...But it just so happens to be true that women with fairer skin are seen as more attractive in cultures all over the world. So speaking of societal pressures is not an "excuse", it's just the truth. I'm sure many people would not want to lighten or darken their skin (or otherwise alter themselves) if they didn't feel some sort of pressure from society.

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Know your facts. In other countries darker skin is not view as a way of classifying attractiveness. It is a way of classifying social class. True in some parts of the world the darker your skin tone, the lower the class you belong to. They have this idea that if your skin is dark, then you must be a laborer, working in the sun all day. Let's not get me started about mixing the classes because it something that is perceived as a no no. But essentially, it has nothing to do with the way that beauty is perceived. In places like Italy which is closer to Africa they view dark skin as very beautiful. I think that most Americans try to use that as a crutch to justify their reasons for not being viewed as beautiful. I think attractiveness is a culmination of various attributes that the person has. And it is horrible for anyone to say that someone is unattractive because they have dark skin or vice versa.

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Originally Posted by fjsmith81

Know your facts. In other countries darker skin is not view as a way of classifying attractiveness. It is a way of classifying social class. True in some parts of the world the darker your skin tone, the lower the class you belong to. They have this idea that if your skin is dark, then you must be a laborer, working in the sun all day.

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That is true, if you're living in the 19'th Century.

Deal with it. Some people are not attracted to dark skin. Period. Same way that some people don't like very pale skin. It is not horrible to not be attracted to a dark person.

There's nothing to deal with Barr. Read the original post. No one is talking about whether it is wrong or not to like someone because of the color of their skin. People have personal preferences. That is what life is all about. Everyone is not going to be attractive to everyone.