[mvfootball24]

I am 19 and I am angry. My mom is the main problem. She HAS to know where I am all the time and if I leave there I have to call her and let her know. If I'm at my friends house and leave and go two minutes away to my girlfriends house and she happens to see my car in her driveway, forget about talking about it. The thing is with my mom is that she is ALWAYS right. I'm wrong. It's so hard to talk to her about anything. But when I try her answers to everything include: "when did you become smarter than me", "there you go with that attitude.....see there it is again", you never spend any time at home any more, we never hear you come in". When my grandma was in the hospital i was out with my girlfriend and my best friend and his girlfriend who i was meeting for the first time. My mom knew we were going out and had no problem with it, it was just lunch. After lunch we ran across the street for less than 4 mins, and my mom called. She was LIVID! that I wasn't home and was screaming to me that we had to be at the hospital because it was our visiting time because the whole family couldn't be there at once. (I had never been told any of this previously). Well, I was no more that 2 mins from my house and she called me as I drove home and she had left me and went to the hospital with out me. She called me a "selfish brat".

My friend is a cancer survivor. Tomorrow is the relay for life. My girlfriend and I have had plans to go to a concert for months now. Meanwhile I told my friend we would take the late shift for the walking and he was just flattered that we were going. Well my mom knew about this for months before. Well My girlfriend was able to finally get tickets for the concert the night before the walk. My parents flipped out on me that I wasnt going to be there for my friend. I was the only person to call my friend weekly when he was sick, make him a t-shirt from our high school team, visit him when ever he wanted visitors, I lived with him for a semester, set MY alarm so I could wake him up to take medicines, staid up with him all night when he couldnt sleep, made him laugh when he was depressed and shaking from medicine withdrawl, ran ahead and opened bathroom doors and flipped up toilet seats so he could throw up. How can she tell me I'm not there for him?! I love him like a brother and honestly I don't think he would care if I came at all or not.

My dad gets mad just because he feels he should to support my mom. I think he knows that as soon as myself and my sister are out of the house, theres only him for my mom to get annoyed and angry with. So until then he does just about what ever she wants even though he knows that in many arguments, I'm right and mom is dead wrong.

Theres also the problem with my mom and my girlfriend. They both like eachother, but no matter how much or how little time I spend with my girlfriend, its wayyyyy too much! I might see my girlfriend for two hours a day if I'm really lucky during the summer, but sometimes that has to be at 9 or 10pm because we both work. That doesnt fly with my parents. Just to clarify, I love my girlfriend. I would do anything for her and I stand by that. we're going to try to go to both the concert and the relay, but thats just tomorrow, what about the next day, or the following week, or next year??

I'm desperate for advice. anything. I am considering a full time job along with school, I currently work part time and I could move out, but I don't think it would just stop there. In my family there is always something wrong with person "A" that the rest of the family talks about. That's just how my family is. Right now I don't care. How can I make my family and my girlfriend happy?

Help!

[tawnynkids]

My guess is your mom feels she is losing you, which she should be at your age really. It is a part of growing up and out. Problem comes some times though when one parent just isn't ready to let go and give that independence. Did you and you mom used to be really close or closer?

It sounds as if mom is jealous of anything that may take your time away. Anything that may take you from the house, from her. You may want to try just talking to her. If you can't talk, write her a letter. Tell her that you love her, that you always will, she is and always will be important to you. That she is not losing you but that you do need to begin to live your life separately.

I think it is a good idea for you to move out, get your independence. But I also think that could worsen the problem if you don't try to sit and have a heart to heart with her first. Let her know you understand how she feels.

If that is not the reason, and she just needs to have that control over someone else in her life and it happens to be you, then it is definitely time for you to go on your own and learn to be assertive. Assertive in your needs and boundaries and not let mom walk all over you for the rest of your life. If you don't learn to be assertive your relationship will never get better and she will never stop trying to run your life and give you guilt trips.

[froggy7]

You might want to read that other thread about over-protective parents, since the same results will apply. :-)

One comment from me: if you have committed to an activity on a certain day, it is rude to cancel it in favor of a later (better) offer. So your mom is right about the friend's relay versus the concert. Unless you can do both, your first obligation is to attend the relay and skip the concert.

[NowWhat]

You are now an adult. If this is an issue - then it is time to move out and start your life. It will be hard - paying all the bills, going to school, etc. But, you have to have your independence.
Your mom loves you and wants to protect you. She has made decisions for you your entire life and letting go can be rough. But, now is the time to put all of her "teachings" to work. You have to make your own mistakes.
Don't worry about being talked about. You are an adult - the time may have come to live your own life.
If you want to have any kind of relationship with your mother - this may be the for the best.

[Wondergirl]

As long as you live at home, you will always be "the child". If you live under your parents' roof and depend on them for financial help for food, clothing, tuition, etc. you have no choice but to dance to their tune.

If you can afford it, move out. You are old enough to be on your own and to make your own decisions. If you are in college, reduce the number of classes you take so you can get a full-time job. If you are not in college, get that job and save your money so you can move out and support yourself asap. Once you are on your own, you will need to set boundaries and be consistent. If you need help with that, a few sessions with a counselor or a minister would be useful.