[peppen041]

I know this question has been asked frequently on these boards, but it seems fathers are the ones asking it. Is it possible for a mother to relinquish parental rights to the father of a child, and terminate all contact and support? As far as details, I currently live in NJ, and the child lives with me more than half the time, and I receive support. However, I was wondering of the laws and whether this is possible if the father agrees to it, and whether I would be obligated to pay support to him.
Please do not give advice on keeping rights or how I should not consider this as I am a mother; to each his own and all people have different walks of life.
Much appreciated.

[NowWhat]

Just so I understand - do you want to give up your rights or give up custody?
I am not an attorney - but I think that even if you give up your rights and no one is there to step in to adopt this child - then you would be responsible for paying child support.

[AKaeTrue]

Your child's father could agree to it, but you'd still be ordered to pay child support.
The only way you'd get away with not paying child support is if the father is one good man that takes the responsibility of caring for his child himself and doesn't want your money and decides not to report you for not paying.

[Fr_Chuck]

Actually even on the fathers, it is not "to each thier own" there are moral obligations both father and mother have, even the fathers who come here are not doing their moral and normally their legal obligation.

If the father is willing to take the child, the mother can sign over her rights, but just like the father, they can not give up their obligation of paying child support to the person who has the custody of the child.

[Mom of 2]

You would still need to pay child support, even if you give up your rights. There is no way out of that one. I still can't help but ask why. You don't have to answer this, but I know that a lot of other people are wondering why as well.

[Mom of 2]

I just went online and found out that giving up parental rights does NOT mean that this gets you out of paying child support (at least in the state of Illinois). Please read:

---------
Relinquishment usually occurs as adoption plans are being made. However, relinquishment is sometimes sought where the likelihood of adoption is remote, as where the other parent does not want to relinquish his or her parental rights. If a proposed relinquishment of parental rights is not in contemplation of adoption, under §32A-5-24(C) the court may not allow the relinquishment unless it finds that:

Good cause exists;
CYFD has made reasonable efforts to preserve the family; and
Relinquishment is in the child's best interest.

A parent who relinquishes under this subsection remains financially responsible for the child and the court may order the parent to pay the reasonable costs of the child's support §32A-5-24(C)
-----------

[newlablover]

Would it just be easier or you to give up custody? If you give up rights this means that you no longer have the right to contact this child as long as they are a minor. But if you just give up custody, you will still have visitation rights. Either way you will end up paying support. If you give up rights there is no going back when you feel you have made a mistake in doing so. Please think this through. As a mother of a child whose father has just decided to have absolutely no contact with her, I can tell you that there I snothing more painful for a child to go through.

[Mom of 2]

I know that the original poster did not want to have advice given to her. However, why post the question if you don't want advice? Are you afraid that what we will say is going to hit too close to the heart? Are you feeling a little guilty about the thought of giving up parental rights for the sake of trying to save a few dollars (as you already know by now you would still have to pay child support)? If you are, then I don't think that you would be able to live with yourself after signing over the rights. I agree with newlablover in that you REALLY need to think this over. You can always modify custody once a change in custody is made, but you can NEVER go back once you give up your rights. Also, giving up your rights is really not that easy. Based on the information that I had submitted regarding the parameters of trying to do this, you can't simply walk into the court room and say, "Listen judge, I feel overwhelmed about taking care of my child, I don't want to be a parent anymore and I want to be free again to go back to school, get a new job, get remarried, get a boyfriend, etc. without having to worry about taking care of someone else. Oh, and by the way, my ex will be taking care of our child, but I don't want to pay him any support for this child, a child I helped to create. Is that okay with you?" If that were the case, then the court system would be even more inundated than it is now with all of the parents who think that they can give up their parental rights to get out of giving money to their ex for the sake of their child. Again, this money is for the child and not for the ex. Sorry, I had to say it because I am tired of hearing the countless people wanting to give up their parental rights for the sake of not having to pay their ex any money for their child. The money is for the child and not for the ex. It is sickening!!

[peppen041]

To reply to the other posters, thank you, I really do appreciate the responses. I obviously am going to need to contact a lawyer about this, and am thinking over visitation. My other question would be if the father gets remarried and the new wife were to adopt the child, would rights then be completely cut?

To reply to those concerned with matters of the heart, it may be hard to understand from certain viewpoints. I feel that when a parent feels he or she can no longer take care of their child and their child's best interests, then it is time to rethink being a parent. All parents love their children in some way, and I feel that sometimes, in some situations, the best thing you can do for them is to avoid raising them for sake of their childhood and wellbeing. I feel that when you start resenting your children more than loving/worrying about them, you interfere with the ability to make the right choices for them and be able to provide the appropriate structure and support needed for them. I know of many mothers who say if they could go back, they would have had abortions, and I believe when this feeling overwhelms you and it becomes part of your daily thought, then it may be time to let someone who is more capable do the parenting. I do not think we are all made or fit to be parents; sometimes that is found out the hard way. The best thing to do is make the right choices from then on and avoid having any more children. This is not about money; that is not my problem, but I know this is a motivating factor for the father wanting to take all rights.

[Mom of 2]

If the thought of giving up custody or parental rights is in the best interest of the child, then I feel that it is the right thing to do. However, we all have feelings of being overwhelmed at times and that is why I stated what I did in my last post. If the parent is truly not a good parent and the child would be best brought up with the other parent, or with a different family, then I applaud your decision.

To answer your question in the second paragraph, if you give up your parental rights, regardless of whether your ex remarries, your ties are forever severed from your child. The father and new mother (as she will be able to adopt your child since you gave up parental rights) do not have to allow you to visit the child. If, however, you just change custody, your ex's new wife will not be able to adopt your child, your child would live mostly with your ex and his new wife, but you would still be able to be involved in your child's life.

Sorry for being somewhat brutal in my last post, as I am sure that this has been a hard decision for you to make. However, PLEASE consider all possible solutions and listen to what your lawyer has to say. I just don't want you to regret any decision that you make because someone is intimidating you, you are fearful of the future, you feel trapped, etc. Giving up parental rights is just so permanent.