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victoria_mitchell · Jun 5, 2007, 09:55 AM

My sister had her baby at 8:49am it is now 9:35am. This is her 3rd baby and she turned 17 in February... Her first baby shae gave up for adoption her second one she kept and this one she gave up for adoption as well. When people ask me, "Is your sister keeping the baby?" I tell them the truth "No, she is giving it up for adoption." the comments that follow that statement are mean rude hateful and disgusting "Your sister gets around!" "She's stupid she should keep it" "Anyone in their right minds would have kept the baby" "I'm surprised your not pregnant yet" "Ewww!" "Gross!" "I'm glad I'm not her sister" etc etc etc

SHUT UP!!

Nobody knows what it's like to have to deal with this crap! You think I like waking up and knowing that I NEVER got to meet 2 of my nephews? You think I like the fact that my baby sister has 3 kids? Honestly? Maybe people think I LIKE hearing them bag on my sister when they don't even know her?? My sister is NOT a $lut! She's NOT a bad person! She's a bigger better stronger person then any of you, or I, can ever comprehend! There are so many things about my sister that these "peopel" look right past or don't even know about her... She's funny and bubbly and happy, she's a great mom, she's a wonderful friend, she's so selfless, she's caring and kind and giving...

WHY DO PEOPLE CHOOSE TO BE SO IGNORANT? What is wrong with our society today that people have no sympathy or compassion towards someone that are in a harder spot then they are?

Does anyone out there know where I am coming from? Does anyone care what we have turned into as a culture and society?

tickle · Jun 5, 2007, 10:45 AM

Okay.

Are two babies from different fathers ? You don't give us that information cause probably it would look bad if you did. You say she is in a harder spot then anyone, she is caring, and giving. Maybe she shouldn't be so caring and giving and she wouldn't have been in the pregnant spot all that much.

I get the impression she has her own children because you say she is a great mom and the one good thing I can see shining through is the fact that she put two up for adoption to find better homes because she knew she couldn't handle anymore children. I think that is an admirable thing to do.

She sounds really fertile. Do you think maybe she should have her tubes tied though.

victoria_mitchell · Jun 5, 2007, 10:53 AM

You don't give us that information cause probably it would look bad if you did.

That's the kind of crap that I don't appreciate. "it would probably look bad"

It already looks bad! My sister is 17 with 3 kids how can it look any worse?

tickle · Jun 5, 2007, 12:05 PM

I absolutely know that you would not have appreciated anything that was said in this instance. If you didn't want feedback why didn't you say you just wanted to VENT. That would have been a lot less stressful for all concerned.

Why, then did you post about your sister. I don't get it. OF COURSE IT LOOKS BAD. Now she has to get down to brass tacks, think about her life, her only child, improve conditions AND ONLY SHE CAN DO THIS NOT YOU and NOT GET PREGNANT AGAIN.

So don't take it out anyone who replies to your post, okay !

Allheart · Jun 5, 2007, 12:36 PM

[QUOTE=victoria_mitchell]
...

What is wrong with our society today that people have no sympathy or compassion towards someone that are in a harder spot then they are??

Hi Victoria,

Sadly, I am asking myself the above question more and more. People just can not in their minds, STOP, and try and squeeze into someone else's shoes.

Your first mistake is even answering these people. Your second mistake is caring what other people think about the sister you love dearly.

So my advice to you is tune out these people. See, sometimes, people who are unable to get their own life togther, or afraid to look inward, look outside and see others who are falling on hard times, and boy it makes them grow 2" taller when they can say, Oh my how could you, why would you, you did what :eek: . Really turns my stomach.

Now, I am not judging your sister at all. Not my place. When I become perfect then, I will look you up and start judging, but don't be on the look out anytime too soon for me.

It may be in everyone's best interest to seriously get your sister on some type of contraceptive. She may have done this already, but she really should be sitting down with a gyn and discussing birth control, STDs and get some type of protection in order.

Your sister is one lucky girl to have you for a sister. I have four of them and if you think that I care one ioda what anyone thinks of them... pfffft... no way.

I will tell you this Victoria, Tickle was only trying to help you and the best way we try to help here, is to get as many pieces of the puzzle that we can. Just thought I would let you know that.

I wish you and your sister all the best. You love your sister dearly, that is evident, lover her enough, to make sure that she is safe and prevent any future heartaches.

tickle · Jun 5, 2007, 02:18 PM

I really believe that you should get your sister in to be tested for STDs and I mean no disrespect in saying this. Why should I, I don't know either of you personally. So on this site it is advice where your time is well spent and nothing else.

I deal in people and all their problems and foibles, all day long and I never judge, I help with their health problems and advice because I am a friendly advocate.

Stay cool for you and your sister, and we are here for you both, and we can listen. Some words you may not like, but thems the breaks, right.

victoria_mitchell · Jun 5, 2007, 03:26 PM

She has to be tested every time she goes into the doctors office and it's all been with one guy that's a virgin too. And I do love my sister and I have sat her down and told her to be better to herself and her body, but you can't force someone to do something they don't want to do they need to do it for themselves.

I don't snap or yell at people when they say things like that about her, but I do tell them that when they are in her shoes they can talk always with a smile. All I am saying is that if someone comes to me and tells me something, even if I think it's gross terrible wrong etc etc I tell them I can't imagine how you feel I wish I knew what the right thing to say... I say that because I CAN'T imagine what they are going through or how it must feel and I DON'T know what to say and what not to

It's politness it's respect it's curtesy its nice. The question is why don't people act like that?? My Grandparents are both pastors and when they found out they were disappointed but they don't say things like "She probably has STD's" or "She must have learned it from her sister" they instead try and comfort, protect and educate my sister and me as well.

Allheart · Jun 5, 2007, 04:00 PM

Well see Victoria, you come from a very very nice family. Seems to be kind, loving, nonjudgemental. So, stick close to folks like that and for the others who may not have been as fortuante as you to learn kindness, understanding, how to be empathetic, teach them by example. By your actions.

To those who wish to look down on your sister, just smile and say "I love my sister dearly". That's all you need to say. You don't have to say anything further than that.

As far as my recommending a gyn and mentioning STDs, I wasn't inferring anything, but is good that she is continuously under a doctors care.

I completely understand your frustration and anger. Victoria, 1/2 of the things that are said to be on a daily basis, leave me hurt and sometimes angry. It's so very hard. But I try and not expect others to react or act the way I would.

It is hard though. But since you do come from a religious background, you have the knowledge of how to show love to others, so maybe it's one of your little jobs down here, to show others how to be kind. One of the toughest jobs I know, but when it pays off, it can be quite rewarding.

When it gets to you truly, stop, find a quiet place and actually pray for those who just said hurtful things. Ask God to watch over them and protect them. I know it sounds odd, but you will be amazed how your heart changes from upset, to soft kind love.

Try and not let your goodness inside be destroyed by hurtful things.

My very best to you. :)

Kattalover · Jun 15, 2007, 09:53 PM

Originally Posted by victoria_mitchell

What is wrong with our society today that people have no sympathy or compassion towards someone that are in a harder spot then they are??

Because in today's society it is absolutely avoidable to have had three children at 17. I am pretty sure that people would feel sympathy and compassion for you sister if her hard spot weren't of her own making, but fact is that she chose to have unsafe sex, which resulted in her pregnancies.

Now, if you're talking about yourself as the person in the hard spot: if you feel hurt by people's comments about your sister, I agree with what others here have already said: tell them you love your sister, no matter what. And if you get really frustrated, remind them that if they point one finger at somebody else, three fingers point back at themselves!

barelyhopeless · Jun 20, 2007, 05:48 AM

Originally Posted by victoria_mitchell

My sister had her baby at 8:49am it is now 9:35am. This is her 3rd baby and she turned 17 in Febuary.... Her first baby shae gave up for adoption her second one she kept and this one she gave up for adoption as well. When people ask me, "Is your sister keeping the baby?" I tell them the truth "No, she is giving it up for adoption." the comments that follow that statment are mean rude hateful and disgusting "Your sister gets around!" "She's stupid she should keep it" "Anyone in their right minds would have kept the baby" "I'm surprised your not pregnant yet" "Ewww!" "Gross!" "I'm glad I'm not her sister" etc etc etc

SHUT UP!!!

Nobody knows what it's like to have to deal with this crap! You think I like waking up and knowing that I NEVER got to meet 2 of my nephews? You think I like the fact that my baby sister has 3 kids? Honestly? Maybe people think I LIKE hearing them bag on my sister when they don't even know her?????????? My sister is NOT a $lut! She's NOT a bad person!! She's a bigger better stronger person then any of you, or I, can ever comprehend! There are so many things about my sister that these "peopel" look right past or don't even know about her....... She's funny and bubbly and happy, she's a great mom, she's a wonderful friend, she's so selfless, she's caring and kind and giving....

WHY DO PEOPLE CHOOSE TO BE SO IGNORANT? What is wrong with our society today that people have no sympathy or compassion towards someone that are in a harder spot then they are??

Does anyone out there know where I am coming from? Does anyone care what we have turned into as a culture and society?

Sounds like your sister sleeps around just like everyone else. The only difference is she is one who seems to get pregnant. It's funny how everyone judges when they don't know everything. At least she gave them up for adoption. I know people who have kids, keep their children and leave them, treat them like crap, or use their children to their advantage. I've had children dropped off to me and haven't heard from the mother in several days. I was just wondering if something happened to her as a younger child?

victoria_mitchell · Jun 20, 2007, 11:14 AM

What do you mean??