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porridge · Jun 1, 2007, 06:49 AM

My son is 16 and has never had any contact with his biological father. The other day his father came into the place where I work, big shock, and started asking after his son. He was with his new family, girlfriend and daughter, and it was a chance meeting. He asked for my telephone number and I gave it to him and took his. When I got home, I sat down with my son and told him that I had seen his father and that he would like to meet with him. I also told him that he had our telephone number and would call to arrange it. I have advised my son to meet with his father, who requested that I also be present, to answer any questions he may have about his other family but ultimately it is my son's choice if he wants to continue with the contact. Now it has been 5 days and there has been no call yet... I really don't want my son to get hurt in this and if his father meant what he said about contact, surely he would have pursued it by now. I am starting to get jittery and feel for my son who must be going through a rollercoaster of emotions right now and certainly doesn't deserve to be abandoned for a second time. Do I wait it out, call him, write to him or just forget him and never consider this again?
Advice greatly accepted

vlee · Jun 2, 2007, 08:00 AM

If he calls, great. If not, OK. I wouldn't go inviting him or imploring him to become a part of your son's life now. Especially if you don't feel he is committed to building a relationship with your son. Just wait and see. Keep his number and leave it up to your son to decide if he wants to call his dad or not, but don't make that choice for him. He is almost an adult and after 16 years of not being acknowledged by his dad, I think he has earned the right to determine when and if he wants dad in his life.

NowWhat · Jun 2, 2007, 10:04 AM

You could always give your son the phone number. If he wants to talk to this man - let him know that the option is available. And it would be okay. If he is showing little interest in meeting the dad - then just let it drop.
I would also have to tell this man - if he were to call 6 months from now - that his actions are truly unfair to your son and you aren't going to put him through that. Basically he missed his chance.

ordinaryguy · Jun 2, 2007, 01:18 PM

If he has even half a brain, this guy has to know how unkind and cowardly it is to show up and say he wants to meet his son and then not follow through. I really feel for your son and the conflict this must generate in his heart and mind, but I agree that you should leave it up to him whether to make contact if his dad doesn't call. As hard as it may be to accept, you can't shield him from this.

victoria_mitchell · Jun 2, 2007, 04:25 PM

One of my step dads came back and even though my mother is a very strict stuborn unconvinced person she thought "Well my kids do need contact with their dad and to see that people change" So he came over and we were extatically happy and over joyed I even cried. I thought I would NEVER forgive my mother for doing that... he never came back after that day ever! That day was perfect he kissed our fourheads sat us on his knees said how much he missed us and disappeared I would have rather never met/saw/talked to him again and my brother sister feel the same way. It took my a long time to realize that my Mom was only trying to help but to this day my brother says he remembers and he'll never forget and he'll never forgive her for doing that to him