[talaniman]

The Polite Way to Pee



During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners,
asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a
date
Having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you
have
to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."


The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What
about you Peter? How would you say it?" Peter said, "I am sorry, but I
really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better,
but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner
table."

"And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us
your
good manners?"
Johnny answered by saying, "I would say: Darling, may I
please be excused for
a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear
friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after di nner."

The teacher fainted.


Water vs Beer

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated
that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we
would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E coli)
bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of
Poop.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking beer (or rum, whiskey,
wine or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification
process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:

Water = Poop
Beer = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink beer and talk stupid, than to drink
water and be full of .

There's no need to thank me for this valuable information; I'm doing it
as a public service.

Counterfeiter

A counterfeiter decided that the easiest way to pass off his phony $18 bills would be to unload them in some small rural town, so he drove until he found a tiny town with a single general merchandise store. He entered the store, went up to the counter, and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Could you change this for me, please?"

The store clerk looked at the bill for a few seconds then smiled at the man. "Of course I can. Would you prefer two $9 bills or three $6 bills?"

For The Kids...

How many balls of string would it take to reach the moon?
Just one if it's long enough!

What cheese is made backwards?
Edam?

This match won't light!
That's funny, it did this morning!

What do elves do after school?
Gnomework!

[pergammano]

Keep the funnies coming. Made my Tuesday morning!