[J_sarah]

:( I have wanted to adopt a child since last year, but I have some doubts, I would be a single parent. And I am worried that something might happen like in the movies, my child will find out and leave home. And I can't have a real baby because my doctors say that I have a stomach problem that doesn't allow me to have kids. I really, really want this child, but I keep telling myself that I should leave it. I feel that if I don't make my choice it will be to late.
Please help me I need some answers.

[brandy681]

It is VERY hard to adopt and it is a long process as well. I think you cannot be single to adopt and they will also check your income and age as well. I have a friend that is married and 28 years old and makes good money but one place that she went to told her that she was too young to adopt. It is very hard and so I really can't give you much advice but why would you want to adopt if you are single, being a single parent is hard and I don't think an adoption agency would let a single parent adopt!

[HatingToSleepInAColdBed]

As far as what the person above me wrote, I have no knowledge regarding the "qualifications" on adopting. However, I have first hand knowledge of how a child might feel, because I myself was adopted. I see you "have some doubts". Never make an important decision with doubts! If the doubt consist solely on being afraid the child might "leave home" when he or she finds out, then that's another story. As a mental health professional, I would suggest you see a therapist to help you sort through your fears. As an adopted child, I hope you can clear away any doubt and decide to adopt. Although you may be a single parent, it's better than no parent. For that matter, it may be better than having two "unhealthy" biological parents. I found out by accident while snooping around in my parents closet that I was adopted. I believe I was in the fourth grade. I had many questions for my mother, most of which go unanswered to this day. My mom told me it was a catholic adoption agency and she knew very little about my "background". At first, I went through the phase of "my brother isn't my brother, my grandma isn't my grandma". That slowly passed and the knowledge of me even being adopted sat in the back of my mind, never thinking about it until someone brings it up. Ever child is different, but I can tell you I was thankful, and I never thought about running away. I believe my parents did the right thing by not telling me at too young of an age, as not to make me feel "different". I always felt I belonged and I still do to this day. I was extremely fortunate and was placed with a great family who gave me anything I could possibly need or want. The idea that they couldn't have a child for so long, and that they went through the expensive and detailed process of adopting, made me feel they appreciated me even more. Honestly, as of right now, I have no desire to meet my birth mother/father. My parents are who made what I am today. I am a 25 year old professional, with a masters degree, going for my PsyD, and couldn't have a better head on my shoulders. Who knows where I would be if I was left in foster care. Ironically, as of now, I work as a therapist with children who were removed from their homes and placed in foster care. Just remember, having a child, especially as a single parent, is a lot to take on. Please make sure you are 100% in your decision. Please don't let TV movies scare you away from giving an emotionally starved child a chance at life. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.

[LadyB]

I don't think you should adopt, no. The fact that you don't consider an adopted child a "real baby" and are considering not telling the child he/she is adopted (that's what I gleaned when you said "my child will find out") tells me you do not have the maturity or correct mindset to be a good parent to a child who was adopted - at least at this time. You could educate yourself and take the previous posters advice on getting some therapy and maybe be ready later.

Also, Australia provides numerous resources to mothers to help them keep and raise their children rather than place them, so there are very, very few domestic adoptions there. I don't know their laws on single parent adoptions.

[slchavis]

:( I have wanted to adopt a child since last year, but I have some doubts, I would be a single parent. And I am worried that something might happen like in the movies, my child will find out and leave home. And I can't have a real baby because my doctors say that I have a stomach problem that doesn't allow me to have kids. I really, really want this child, but I keep telling myself that I should leave it. I feel that if I don't make my choice it will be to late.
Please help me I need some answers.

Please, Please make sure the adoption system gives you a good background on the child. They can obtain the birth records and everything. This information helps you to make a honest decision on whether you can provide the child what they need. Do thorough research before you take this step. Thanks

[Fr_Chuck]

I would say you should have a time of counseling to help you decide what you really want.

It really sounds like you are not ready.

Next the process of adoption will be long and expenisvie. A single person can adopt, ( don't know where that one poster got their info)
Even same sex couples adopt today. But the issue is an adopted child should always know they are adopted, so there is nothing for them to find out, and know that because of this, they are special.

[shygrneyzs]

If you do decide to adopt, you will go through a pretty decent evaluation process. There is a psych eval, a personality inventory, home inspections, social worker visits, people who know you will be interviewed, etc. A single person can adopt a child, many do. So do not let the fact you are single be the deterrent. The deterrent is most likely to come from inside you.

My (now ex) husband and I adopted our youngest son. We made the right decision. If you start the process of adoption, you will be asked many, many questions. Your doubts and fears will come out and be discussed.

Don't let the future possibility of your child "finding out" about his or her biological parents hold you back. You should, in fact, be telling the child at an appropriate time, that he or she is adopted. Accept that the child will question and will wonder. That is normal. Some adoptees will want to find their bio parents and some will not. My son does not care for his bio parents and siblings. Cannot say as I blame him either. Finding out about the bio parents does not mean the child will run away to live with them. Whatever you do, if that situation arises, remain calm and understanidng. Panic does no good.

You may well benefit from talking to an adoption specialist before you decide to make an application. That person can listen to you and present things honestly to you, helping you overcome your doubts and lead you to the right decision, the best decision for you.

Good luck.

[Synnen]

The doubts and fears that you express make me think that you have done very little research on adoption. Adoption today is not what it was even 15 years ago, and you are operating under some rather interesting misconceptions.

1. You can adopt as a single person, though you are more likely to have to do it through the foster care system as many birthparents want their children to grow up in two-parent households.

2. An adopted child is still a "real" child.

3. You will probably have to have a foreign adoption if you plan on not telling the child that he/she is adopted. Most domestic adoptions today are open or semi-open, meaning that the birthparents are at least slightly involved in their child's life.

Adopting is a HUGE step, and one that should be made after some counseling has been done. Please take the time to contact an adoption agency or go to adoption.com to at least see the depth of what you are looking at.

[babieface85]

You could consider using a surrogate mother.

[Wondergirl]

Why the baby hunger? Have you spent a lot of time with babies, toddlers, and small children? If not, please do so. You might have a great awakening!

It's tough enough emotionally and financially to raise a child while being married, much less being single. I suggest you talk with an unbiased person, like a minister or a counselor, to figure out where this hunger is coming from and what you should do about it.

[Bestsinger101]

Hi

Adoption or even fostering is hugely long process. The people in the adoption team are there to help you make the right decision for you and the 'adoptee'. They are far more qualified and deal with people like yourself on a daily basis so ask them, they want the best for both parties and they will not let you adopt if there is doubt.

It is a lot more difficult in the UK and it is very unlikely (dependant upon which Council) that single parents can adopt. It was one of my first questions when I looked into adoption.

Good luck and don't be afraid to ask, you will receive good guidance