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jeniffer · May 20, 2007, 01:00 AM

My 19 year old is constantly seeking attention. Since she was young she has always had
An enormous amount of energy to be involved in several activities in which she had a captive audience, in elementary and this took the form of being involved in sports, plays, choir practices and honor choir, etc. This seemed appropriate for her age at the time. However, after high school she continues to be involved with pageants and multiple parades, modeling, working, choir and performances, playing the cello and concerts. I am finding that I don't have the extra time, but I always try to find time to attend all her performances. I feel bad that I'm feeling exhausted with her pursuits.
When she was removed from choir by the conductor, she spent her college grant money on modeling school and also on running in a beauty pageant that was not free and also requires allot of community service (with my car). Now she just ran a red light and state it'a a faulty stop light( that will also have a cost and hike in the insurance bill, not to mention the ticket)
Is this just normal teenage behavior to be attention seeking?

FLAMEonfire · May 20, 2007, 04:45 AM

Poor Jennifer, Sounds like you have your hands full. Start taking your tranquilizer NOW, you're going to need them! Your daughter is just being a 19 yrs old. But this is a hard time for young girls in this day and age. If you don't ride her hard now I can see you losing out in the future. She needs some real guidance, she's in-between a child and being her own woman, and she sounds like she's trying to do it the hard way. I don't know if sitting her down and talking with her [ about taking some responsibilties as far as time and MONEY are concerned ] is going to help or just make things worse. You may have to just be there for her as the situations come up. It's time for her to get a job and start making her own way. Remember too, this is HER life, she's the one who needs the extra energy for it, not you. Are you sure you're not being used as a Money Machine and Driver? A job and than a car, that SHE BUYS, that seems to be the answer to me, at least for now... I wish you lots of luck. [and keep those pills handy; lol]

JoeCanada76 · May 20, 2007, 05:07 AM

Honestly it sounds like your jealous of your daughters achievements and that is why your trying to find fault in them. You do not need to keep up with her activities. It is not your job. She needs to keep them up yourself. You should be proud of your daughter and thankful that she is keeping busy and involved in a lot of activities that are important to her and keeps her out of trouble.

Joe

LadyB · May 20, 2007, 05:13 AM

It sounds like she may have some issues with self esteem and is compensating for them. You may have also overindulged her just a bit, (as we all tend to do our children), and never made her participate or contribute to her own life. She needs a job and responsibilities. She should have to pay the difference in insurance her ticket caused, and she should have to cover some gas money.

It's not necessarily normal. When I was 19 I bought my own place and was working full time and paying my own way. I started working when I was 16 as I had to pay my own gas, insurance, and leisure-time expenses (my parents had money, they just had me cover certain things to learn the value of work and money).

kellkell · May 20, 2007, 09:22 AM

Personally, I think it is good that she has a lot of activities to keep her occupied and involved. Think about it this way, it keeps her from getting into real trouble. Wanting attention and going about getting it through pageants and modelling are a lot better that going to the bar and getting hosed and trying to get that attention of miscellaneous men.

However, now that she is getting a little older she does need to start taking more responsibility for her extra curricular activities. An example would be having your daughter pay for the ticket and the extra cost of the insurance increase. Have her find a job, is she isn't working already, so that she can pay for her own car or contribute at home so that she learns a little financial responsibility.

And relax, this is normal, but you need to encourage positive changes. Don't force, just nudge.

FLAMEonfire · May 21, 2007, 02:58 AM

'76 I don't call going out and getting a ticket and spending all her college fund on beauty school just because she got kicked out of choirs, being achievements... I'd call it being a child with a stupid streak. And a child is what she is and what she's behaving as. Give this poor mother a break. Maybe it's not jealousy, but a mother who knows her child better then an outsider does.

jeniffer · May 21, 2007, 11:03 PM

Originally Posted by jeniffer

My 19 year old is constantly seeking attention. Since she was young she has always had
an enormous amount of energy to be involved in several activities in which she had a captive audience, in elementary and this took the form of being involved in sports, plays, choir practices and honor choir, etc. This seemed appropriate for her age at the time. However, after high school she continues to be involved with pageants and multiple parades, modeling, working, choir and performances, playing the cello and concerts. I am finding that I don't have the extra time, but I always try to find time to attend all her performances. I feel bad that I'm feeling exhausted with her pursuits.
When she was removed from choir by the conductor, she spent her college grant money on modeling school and also on running in a beauty pageant that was not free and also requires allot of community service (with my car). Now she just ran a red light and state it'a a faulty stop light( that will also have a cost and hike in the insurance bill, not to mention the ticket)
Is this just normal teenage behavior to be attention seeking?

Thanks for all the suggestions to everyone, sometimes it's nice to get objective input. My daughter is going through allot and I'll be there to support her in her endeavors.

Matt3046 · May 21, 2007, 11:14 PM

There are allot worse things she could be doing. There is nothing wrong with your daughter, you just need to explain to her that you are busy. You are lucky, she sounds like a fairly good kid. This sounds like nothing more than a lack of communication. What diff is it if she spends her education money on college or buty school, its not as if she spent it on shoes.