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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #21

    May 19, 2007, 11:22 AM
    Your right on Chuff as the chance of finding someone to cheat with is much better in a club, than at a strip joint. But females worry about a strip joint?? Go figure. Maybe I should stay home, and watch porn. Naw can't win there either. Well I am house broke, that should count for something CHEEEEEEEZ! She would have a real fit if I could lick my own balls though, that would teach 'em to appreciate us as men and not dogs!
    AW805's Avatar
    AW805 Posts: 283, Reputation: 43
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    #22

    May 19, 2007, 11:45 AM
    What's the difference between a strip club and pornography? One will cost you a little more. Don't let insecurities get in the way of your relationship. It sounds like this hasn't come up before and just something he's doing to help his buddy get his mind off things. I'm not sure how it's going to help - but it's a guy thing I guess.
    alkaline's Avatar
    alkaline Posts: 61, Reputation: 20
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    #23

    May 20, 2007, 05:41 PM
    I think it's offensive that you guys assume that the reason I have a problem with a guy going to strip club is because I am insecure.

    I'm not insecure in the least. I'm attractive and I graduated from law school at 24 years old for gods sake. I couldn't have gone through 3 years of law school without self confidence, trust me, you have to be tough. But I guess according to you guys I must hate myself to not be cool with my boyfriends watching women dance around naked. Haha, OK.

    You all missed my point completely. I think it is disrespectful. I think it's unnecessary, and sleazy. I don't want to date someone (or marry someone, yes, a guy is actually looking at engagement rings with me, and no, he doesn't have any issue whatsoever with how I feel) that disagrees with me on the issue. So in response to the person that asked me, yes, I do actually tell guys on the first date. And guess what, shocker, but guys usually want a secocnd date! I'm a very honest person, if people don't like someone that is very imporant to me then we don't have to date. I don't like to hide the ball, it is a waste of time for both people.

    Before this boyfriend, my last 3 didn't care for strip clubs. At all. They wouldn't even go them on their own, and that is the truth. My last boyfriend thought that girls were stupid for doing Girls Gone Wild and things like that. So, for you to speak for all men in the ways that you have is silly, you're wrong. Perhaps that is how you personally feel, but don't speak for your whole sex. The last guy I had to dump over this was when I was 19, so that right there says something about the relationship maturity factor.

    I'm not saying that strip clubs should be banned or something, hey, if you have a girlfriend that doesn't care or is into that stuff, good for you. People are different, people with similar feelings can find each other and be happy together. I don't smoke, so I sit in the non smoking section - you got me?

    I totally disagree though with trying to tell this girl she is wrong or insecure for how she feels. If anything, she should date someone that respects that it upsets her. Strip clubs aren't like oxygen, you don't need them, and if you feel you do then date someone that doesn't mind, it's simple. To have an elephant in the corner this way just creates tension and drama that is so stupid and unnecessary. Once again, same thing with smoking. If you don't like that your boyfriend does it and he won't quit, date someone that doesn't smoke. There are 6 billion people in the world, aren't there?

    It's just absurd though, that you automatically label me as "insecure" because I disagree with you about strip clubs. You don't know me. Calling me insecure makes you look pretty ignorant. There are plenty of reasons for a woman to have an issue with strip clubs that have nothing to do with not thinking she is pretty or not trusting her boyfriend (whom I do trust, actually, so wrong again).

    And you guys can think I'm a prude or modest about sexual things, and that is fine by me, but it still doesn't make me wrong.

    I don't expect any of you to get what I'm saying, though. Your responses proved how much you missed my point. A few of you were even immature enough to attack me and my relationships as if you know any information about them at all. Lame.

    But, again, to the original poster: There is NOTHING wrong with how you feel. If this guy can't respect your feelings, then find someone else that will. You were asking for advice, and you are allowed to hear more than one side!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #24

    May 20, 2007, 06:40 PM
    Calm down, your voice is valuable and listened to, but if you reread the OP, she does say SHE is insecure about her b/f going to a strip club, even though it's a one time thing with a friend. She wanted to know how to handle it, and that's what most of us tried to do. Many women object to there men going, not unusual, but I don't think she should break up over it. I do think that she should work on her insecurity, and try to overcome it, as that will break them up faster than one guy night out will. What would you think of an insecure guy who wanted you to check-in with him all the time? If insecurity is the root of the problem, she would worry about almost anything he does. How about a 4 day hunting trip in another state? I really don't think one night should hurt any relationship between responsible adults. I do respect your position though, as you know what you want.
    alkaline's Avatar
    alkaline Posts: 61, Reputation: 20
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    #25

    May 20, 2007, 06:54 PM
    When I was replying, I was speaking to those that were calling me "insecure" for my opinion. I agree with you, that insecurity will destroy a relationship. That is completely true, and it happens all the time (I'm actually a divorce/family law attorney, I see it every day). It had been a few days since I read her post, really I was focusing my reply on the comments that I felt were directed at me.

    Personally, I only have the issue with the strip club. I wouldn't mind my boyfriend going on a hunting trip, or to a bar, or a baseball game, or anything like that without me. In fact, I often go to the casinos alone to play poker, and he doesn't mind that, either.

    I just asked him his opinion on this thread. I thought he made a valuable and interesting point that I wanted to share.

    He said that for him is isn't even about strip clubs, they aren't the issue. It's about respect, and if your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse feels strongly about something, if you really love them, you should respect their wishes on that issue. And he followed it up by saying that he knows that if he ever asked me to do or not do something that was really important to him that I would respect how he felt.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #26

    May 20, 2007, 08:06 PM
    I know, we sit in non smoking section at the restaurant too, but I am a smoker, and its no big deal to hold off because that's what she wants. Its just you should be very careful when making decisions based on issues you have, and projecting them on others. Your b/f's argument is interesting though, and there is a flip side, would you relent, and let him go if he felt as strongly about going, as you felt about him not going? I just don't believe in using the if you love me to control anyone, and that's what it comes down to as I see it. I think real respect is about letting people do as they please and standing behind them. I would never tell my wife not to do anything, that's her call, and I respect that.
    DocWill's Avatar
    DocWill Posts: 239, Reputation: 40
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    #27

    May 21, 2007, 05:02 AM
    It might change some views if the other concerned party attended a stripclub an saw first hand its basically a short visit or a very expensive stay! Speaking of have you met an employee at some of these establishments that you could honestly tell yourself " mom will love to have her in the family" I would love to think so but the reality of it all is very clear once you see the picture outside of the black lites and glitter dusted people there. It's a stripclub. They only want to hang out with you till your money runs out or the next song is her turn on stage. Sounds like fun huh!
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    emopunk7 Posts: 1,052, Reputation: 161
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    #28

    May 21, 2007, 07:02 AM
    Honestly, I'm a guy and I don't like strip clubs. I've been to one 2 times in my life. Once when I was 18 and again about 2 weeks ago. I didn't like it so much the first time but I figured I'll try again since my ex broke up with me. I still didn't like it. It actually made me feel worse. It made me think of my ex's body... and it made me think I wouldn't want any other girl, because I felt like all girls were now slutty since I was in the strip club. But it's not like that. I just don't like strip clubs anymore. I don't want to see women like that. I want to see beautiful woman dressed properly and looking like real women. That's a turn on! Strip clubs suck. So don't make a big deal of it. It's not that serious to change a man. If you love him and he loves you then trust!
    AW805's Avatar
    AW805 Posts: 283, Reputation: 43
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    #29

    May 21, 2007, 09:45 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by alkaline
    When I was replying, I was speaking to those that were calling me "insecure" for my opinion. I agree with you, that insecurity will destroy a relationship. That is completely true, and it happens all the time (I'm actually a
    He said that for him is isn't even about strip clubs, they aren't the issue. It's about respect, and if your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse feels strongly about something, if you really love them, you should respect their wishes on that issue. And he followed it up by saying that he knows that if he ever asked me to do or not do something that was really important to him that I would respect how he felt.

    This really wasn't a situation of he was a regular or frequented strip clubs. He was going in support of a friend who had a recent break up. Men bonding is different than women's. Who can figure why a man would go to a strip club to see boobs and legs so that they can not think about women?
    snotbubble's Avatar
    snotbubble Posts: 70, Reputation: 3
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    #30

    Aug 12, 2007, 12:42 PM
    I see it as cheating! I DO NOT understand those who say it is OK when you are in a relationship. And there are guys that exist that will respect your opinion enough to not look at a naked whore. I would dump a guy if he ever went to a strip club, I prefer loyal guys.
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #31

    Aug 12, 2007, 03:06 PM
    Oh God this post is starting up again.


    Quote Originally Posted by snotbubble
    I see it as cheating! I DO NOT understand those who say it is ok when you are in a relationship.
    So I am to believe that a guy who goes to a bachelor party is the eqivalen of a guy that that has sex with a woman he is not married to. Okay.

    Quote Originally Posted by snotbubble
    And there are guys that exist that will respect your opinion enough to not look at a naked whore.
    There sure are. Many men respect there woman and get very little to no credit for it.

    There are also men that respect there women who go to strip clubs.

    There are also men that respect naked strippers over stuck up know it all whores.

    Quote Originally Posted by snotbubble
    I would dump a guy if he ever went to a strip club, I prefer loyal guys.
    Well I've been to a strip club and ironically I've always been loyal... to a fault. In fact many of my ex girlfriends, some of whom have not been to strip clubs have, in fact, cheated on me. Hmmmmm.
    snotbubble's Avatar
    snotbubble Posts: 70, Reputation: 3
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    #32

    Aug 12, 2007, 09:03 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by chuff
    Oh God this post is starting up again.
    So I am to believe that a guy who goes to a bachelor party is the eqivalen of a guy that that has sex with a woman he is not married to. Okay.
    I wouldn't care weather my boyfriend kissed another girl, slept with her, or saw her dancing naked- it's all something that should only be with me, and if it's not- it's cheating. This is obviously my opinion and I have found a guy that feels the same way. I think this girl should find a guy that cares about her. If he goes, knowing how she feels about it- he DOES NOT CARE.

    Quote Originally Posted by chuff
    There sure are. Many men respect there woman and get very little to no credit for it.

    There are also men that respect there women who go to strip clubs.

    There are also men that respect naked strippers over stuck up know it all whores.

    But this girl does not want her boyfriend to go to the strip club, therefore he has no respect for her or their relationship. He doesn't care how she feels- he just wants to see naked women, when he can already see ONE that he is with. If she didn't care, then obviously it wouldn't matter if he went or not.


    Quote Originally Posted by chuff
    Well I've been to a strip club and ironically I've always been loyal....to a fault. In fact many of my ex girlfriends, some of whom have not been to strip clubs have, in fact, cheated on me. Hmmmmm.
    That is your opinion of being loyal, which seems to be the opinion of the average guy. These are all my opinions and you have your own, so just chill out and quit being so rude.
    Haplo's Avatar
    Haplo Posts: 128, Reputation: 17
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    #33

    Aug 13, 2007, 02:20 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by snotbubble
    but this girl does not want her boyfriend to go to the strip club, therefore he has no respect for her or their relationship. He doesn't care how she feels- he just wants to see naked women, when he can already see ONE that he is with. If she didn't care, then obviously it wouldn't matter if he went or not.
    This is such a simplistic and unrealistic opinion, and never mind that it's based off a completely false premise. Just to draw out the false information...

    Quote Originally Posted by snotbubble
    He doesn't care how she feels- he just wants to see naked women, when he can already see ONE that he is with.
    ?? Where did that come from?

    The one part that a lot of the women in this thread keep ignoring and the men in the thread keep assuming is known, is that the guy is thinking of going to help his friend. Not because he "doesn't care how she feels and just wants to see naked women."

    The point is, everyone's arguing about whether he cares about the poster and their relationship but no one is putting that into context. I'm sure the boyfriend DOES very much care about the poster and their relationship, and he also cares about his friend. So now he's being forced to choose, which is where Tal is trying to talk about trust and respect.

    The poster is putting the boyfriend in the position of "choose your friend or choose me." That's dangerous for the relationship and damaging. Everyone talks about the boyfriend's respect (or lack thereof) for the girl, what about his integrity to his friends and their lives and woes and needs? Should he just say "piss off" to his friend because the poster is uncomfortable with strip clubs? Never mind that you can watch an R-rated movie and see the same damn thing (would that be cheating?)

    Now, I'm not advocating anything aside from what Chuff and Tal have said. And the proof is in the very first line of the post:

    Quote Originally Posted by bagpuss27
    I have a very good trusting relationship with my boyfriend and we have a flat together.
    Really? Because the whole post is about the lack of trust you feel about your man and his behavior that hasn't even happened yet, if it happens at all. You're questioning his motives? His motives are that he wants to help his friend. That's a stand up guy and you should be proud of that. Because it means when you need him, he'll be there.

    I understand strip clubs make you uncomfortable. But to put the weight of your entire relationship on one night and to equate it to cheating is making a planet out of a molehill. Discuss it with him, but realize that whatever decision he makes is not a reflection on you, how he sees you, whether he's sexually attracted to you or not or anything else about you. He may surprise you and decide to not go and he may decide to go to help his friend, in which case, shrug it off, realize he loves you, he's not going to "cheat" on you.
    ma85me's Avatar
    ma85me Posts: 5, Reputation: 4
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    #34

    Aug 13, 2007, 05:26 PM
    I Think You Are Overacting A little, A Man Is A Man And A Women Is A Women, We All Have The Tendency Sometime To Look At The Opisite Sex And Rate Them And That's Ok It Human Nature! I Have Been With My Man For 3 Years And He Has Been To The Strip Club 2 Times, We Use To Live About 1 Mile From This Nude Bar For Years And He Never Went, I Use To Tell Him To Go And Get Exicted And Come Home A Screw The Hell Out Of Me Because I Am Not The Jealous Type !what I Am Saying Is You Can Lead A Horse To Water But You Can't Make Him Drink It!! If You Can't Trust Him Around Other Women There Is No Need To Be Together!
    CaptainRich's Avatar
    CaptainRich Posts: 4,492, Reputation: 537
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    #35

    Aug 14, 2007, 10:29 AM
    Just because you're on a diet, doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.

    Going to strip clubs is usually one of the safest places men go because if you touch one of the ladies, the bouncer may just rip your arm off and you'll be tossed out , unceremoniously! And the dancers don't want the guy... they want the guy's money!
    And I've been told, "I don't care where you get your appetite, so long as you eat at home!"
    (alottto food references, huh?)
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #36

    Aug 14, 2007, 10:37 AM
    I don't know if there's much more you can do. You told him how you feel and he'll have to take that or leave it. If he goes against your wishes then you'll have to decide whether it's something you can live with. If it is, then you'll have to resign yourself to the fact that, from time to time, he may do things that he knows you don't like, without regard to how you feel about it. If it isn't, then the relationship is over and you'll have to tell him that and your reasons for ending it.
    ashleymemar's Avatar
    ashleymemar Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #37

    Feb 3, 2008, 09:59 PM
    They can't go home with them so you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Boys will be boys
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    laraelinds Posts: 1, Reputation: 0
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    #38

    Feb 13, 2009, 08:04 PM
    I tottaly agree with you alkaline. It is a form of cheating in some level. There are many levels of cheating and strip clubs to me rates at number 5. It is disrespectful and degrating. I hate that media glorifies women as stupid sex objects. The girls at strip clubs are stupid anyway. Most of them end up doing porn and are the most ed up in the head people ever! It messes up a girls mind to be one.

    Guys need to learn what it feels like to be a girl in this world. Its hard!





    Quote Originally Posted by alkaline View Post
    I think the prior posters were all men. lol. I completely disagree with them.

    I'm really anti-strip clubs. I find them to be degrading and insulting to all women, and really offensive. I'm not a hypocrite, I wouldn't go see a man strip, either.

    I think it is very disrespectful to a relationship for a man (or woman) to go to one.

    I tell every guy I date on the first date that if they EVER go to one, under ANY circumstance, it is over. It is something I feel that strongly about. I dumped a guy for it once right on the spot, and I'll do it again. If someone doesn't respect how I feel about them, and can't give up that one little thing, then I don't want them. I don't think it is asking a lot.

    If I were you, I'd probably tell him I don't want him to go, and to respect my wishes and how I feel. I am not controlling any other time, and am always cool about letting guys do things with their friends, so I think if I am against it in that one circumstance it is fair.

    Really, I don't think it is cool for him to go. I think he should have more respect for your relationship and feelings than that.

    Good luck, I hope he comes to his senses and sees that what he has is better than a stripper.

    Oh, and I think it is cheating, too. You aren't alone on that.

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