[Christl]

My boyfriend and I argue a lot. Not physically. Well, I love him so much, but both of us do not want to be together if we are always going to argue. We don't want that for our baby girl. I am really worried though that if we did break up that because of some of his family he will try to get custody of her. I am a stay at home mom and I am always with her. When he is home he does nothing. She is 6 months old and he is finally holding her and paying attention to her, but he doesn't change her or feed her, nothing like that. That doesn't bother me that much it is that when he does he doesn't know what he is doing. I am just really scared that he will try to take her from me. Some of my friends have told me that it is not possible unless I am a bad mother. I am worried though because I do not have a job and he does. He pays for everything. Once in a while I work with my mom (about every other week), but when I do I only get $30.00. Please let me know what you think. She is my world. I don't know what I would do if I lost her. Like my boyfriend tells me now, "If we were to break up you would take her because you can't even be away from her for more than 5 minutes". Also, if him and I are to break up I will have to get a job, but we don't have the money to pay for daycare. I want to have and at home job, but I can't find one. Anyone know of at home jobs.

[tawnynkids]

First, you have been the primary caretaker of your daughter. It is difficult to obtain full custody when you haven't been. Though it is not impossible, but being the primary caretaker pulls a lot of weight in Court.

Second, unless your boyfriend has any of the following you are the only one with legal rights to her at the moment:
1. Affidavit of paternity
2. Conclusive DNA affirming paternity
3. Name on the birth certificate

Third, your not having a job does not entitle him to custody alone. The courts position is not to award custody to the parent who has a job, it is to award the parent who has custody child support for the financial assistance of the child. Which usually boils down to this, the parent with the job (assuming they are the non-custodial parent) will have to pay the higher percentage of the financial obligation to support the child until the custodial parent can obtain a job and pay more of the obligation. It is all based on the state guidelines dictated by percentage each parent has parenting time and incomes.

Money is rarely a factor in who gets custody of the child. Unless there is an extreme circumstance such as homelessness. Without being able to prove him unfit, or him you unfit, the court is most likely (no guarantee of course I am speaking generally) to award him a substantial amount of visitation and possibly some parenting classes to gain skills.

Custody can be very messy and procedurally almost impossible without a lawyer, so I would obtain one to protect yourself.

[babieface85]

Women, Infants, and Children Program (WIC)

Wow! I feel for you. I can tell you truly love your little girl. As mothers (or mothers to be)the very thought of not being able to care for our children for days at a time can be terrifying; especially when we somewhat doubt the father's ability to properly care for our child. As for you finical situation here is some info that might help…If you are not married you should qualify for state aid. I would look into both WIC and food stamps/cash assist. Many states also have income based child care and low income housing. I would apply for state aid even if you stay with your boy friend for a while because I will give you some finical independence. Do not let you boyfriend fool you, being on state aid will NOT hurt your chances of achieving at least joint custody of your little girl (so long as you have a place for you and your child to live). Good luck…

[cely05819]

It's hard to think about losing your little girl. I couldn't imagine it. You're in Mass. But I know where I live that there are programs to help with paying for daycare. The 'system' would much rather help you pay for child care so you can support yourself and your daughter than to just pay to support you all together.

The other thing to remember that is you are the 'rock' you are the one that your daughter will be looking up to for many years to come. Suck it and up and do what's right. It's scary, I understand that. There are so many unanswered questions. The thing that you need to remember is that you are a mom and that you need to make this transition as easy for your daughter as you possibly can. Don't go into meltdown phase. Keep it together, breathe and then do what you know you need to do. It sounds like your boyfriend may not have any respect for you, for what you do as a mother, for what you may have given up in your life to become a mother and for what you don't have by being a mother. Being a mom is a wonderful blessing with a never ending list of positives. It's also hard work. It's not being able to just scoot up to the store without packing a bag and taking the baby even if all you need is a pack of gum. It's not having the flexibility to do what you want to do when you want to do it. There are sacrifices to being a mom and he should see that and appreciate it. You don't want to be in a relationship where you are treated with no respect, growing up, she will see that and that will be her relationship role-model.

You'll get through it because you have to in order to make a good life for your little girl. You went through 9 months of pregnancy and you delivered a baby, you're a superhero, you can do anything.

Go get 'em!

[tawnynkids]

Day care can be added as a part of the court order or out of court agreement. Both parents are usually ordered to be responsible for half of any child care costs.

[NowWhat]

As for the job issue - since you have experience with babies :) could working in a child care facility be an option? That way you could bring your daughter work, possibly save on child care and make some money.
Just a thought.