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Christl · May 15, 2007, 11:02 AM

My boy friend and I have been together for 4 years. We have a beautiful baby girl and we have talked a couple of times about getting married. Well in about the last 2 years maybe my sex drive has gone down a lot. I have talked to my doctor and he is telling me that they can't do anything about it because of my age. (I am 20) I don't really know how to explain it, but in my mind I want to have sex, but in my body I don't.
Well, I know I shouldn't be, but I keep on going through my b/f messages in his phone and I have found a couple of messages of him and his ex talking and him asking her for sexy pictures. She has a b/f and she knows that he is with me. I have asked him about it before and he said that that is just how him and her talk. I do not like it and I have told him that before. He said that he is not cheating that it is just how they talk. I love him so much, and I feel bad that we are not having sex, but I really can't do anything about it. The doctors said that there is nothing they can do. I think it is bull. I also don't know what to do about him talking to his ex like that. If he really loves me why would he do that.

Lowtax4eva · May 15, 2007, 11:05 AM

I don't think it's a physical problem why you can't have sex, consider some couples counseling, maybe there are issues you don't want to bring up other than worrying about his ex.

gypsy456 · May 15, 2007, 03:58 PM

Ask your doctor if you can see a counselor to talk about your issues.
Then at least you are tackling that issue together.

As for the way your boyfriends communicates with his ex.
That is a big No-No.

It is disrespectful and not to be tolerated.

You are absolutely right that you don't accept it.

Good luck !

darkness1970us · May 15, 2007, 04:12 PM

I agree that your libido is a mental thing. I went through that with my ex, and to a much smaller extent am going through it with my current GF (Not getting into that here). I also agree that a counciler will be able to help you a great deal more than a medical doctor. In the interim (I know getting counciler appointments can take time), think about what is going through your head when he is trying to be intimate with you. More than likely there is some sort of bad energy between the two of you, and not nessicarily sexual. From there, all you can do is discuss it with him. If the two of you can resolve the problems that are causing you to draw away from him, great! It will take work from both of you, however. Don't take all the responsibility on yourself.

As far as the communication with his ex. What he has done is done. I'm a guy, and I can tell you that for the most part we are thoughtless pigs. Give us a chance, though, and those of us that are worth being with will make every effort to stop doing things that make our SO uncomfortable. You have voiced your concern with the nature of his communication with her. If he continues, regardless of your telling him how much it hurts you, you may be forced to give him an ultimatum. Don't try to bluff, we guys are amazing poker players. If you say that the "sexy talk" has to end or the two of you are through, be prepared to carry through with it.

Enough of my soapbox. Good luck. I wish the best for both of you.

talaniman · May 15, 2007, 06:40 PM

Please get some counseling as you are so young, with a lot of responsibility. Overwhelming I know. Having a friend, or professional, to guide you through these difficult times, and help you deal with your fears and concerns in a mature way. Does your b/f have any kids with his ex? If he does, then they are bonded deeply for a long time, if not, his behavior is unacceptable. Either way he sounds like a perfect turd who doesn't know how to care for anyone but himself and clearly is at the bottom of your insecurities. Talk to someone you can trust. Good Luck.