[cayla99]

I am a stay at home mom with a big problem. I have two grown children that I never had this problem with. My three year old is out of control, and I have tried everything. He will not listen to me. He runs away from me in public places. More than once he has gotten away from me and gone into a street or parking lot. I was in an accident about 5 years ago and have lost 75% of the use of my hands, he has figured out that a simple twist and he can break free. He fights me when I try to put him in a cart at the stores, but will not stay with me if I let him walk. He has destroyed a lot of things in our house. When we discipline him, he just looks at us and laughs. We have tried everything from time outs to spankings and nothing phases him. I know he can behave. He behaves for my best friend when she watches him, but he won't for me or his father. Any suggestions before he gets hit by a car or someone snatches him in a store? I am 50 years old, and he runs faster than I can, I just can't keep up and it is killing me.

[quaint11]

Buy that boy a leash!. And train him to it.


It sounds harsh but a toddler leash is a viable means for parents who find they need them. I would highly recommend one for your son considering you have lost ability in your hands. This would greatly increase your son's safety and reduce your stress levels.

In this case, an ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure.

To train a child to hold your hand or to a leash, begin by holding their hand or placement of the leash. This act will signal what is expected to the child.

Start by walking around the room, in the yard, or on a sidewalk. This is practicing.

When they resist [and most will!] you have to demonstrate who the boss is. When I use this technique with my 2 year old, because he would often run away or try to sit down every time. I would hold his hand firmly gently pulling up, and also his elbow with my other hand, creating a pulling effect on his arm while leading him around.

His mind is dealing with what is going on with his hand, while his feet and body go on auto pilot. In a sense, you trick them into the behaviour, and by repeating this [and offering a reward, if needed], you will program your child's behaviour. Thus, when in public, he will operate like he has practiced. It is the same thinking behind practicing an instrument, "you play like you practice".

In the leash scenario, walk him around allowing him to lead at first. Then begin to direct his travel. Should he resist, just stand there and allow him to throw a fit until he's done and begin again. The idea is he will tire himself out and eventually submit willingly. When he does, reward him accordingly.

Requires a lot of patience, but worth the effort in the end.

One of my philosophies with people in general: Reward the behaviour you want to see repeated and gently correct and pay little attention to behavours you dislike.

Best Wishes!

[quaint11]

A few more words on this: Consistency is a vital ingredient to obedient children.

I have a friend with the same issue, and what it amounts to for her, is the children don't respect her [for an assortment of reasons]. However, as she has begun to exercise more consistency in their lives, from their daily routines, to bedtime routines, eating habits, etc.-she has seen an increase in her children's appetite to want to please and obey her.

The more stability and order in a child's life, the easier it is for the child to know what is expected of them.

Hang in there!