[miserablegirl]

Here is my problem - this man has suggesting dumping me over and over again and in anger did use the words 'let me screw around' so obviously he is thinking he would be better off single but this is the problem that is currently stopping me from splitting up with him. When I asked him is that what you want? He got all tetchy again and never answered my question.. do you reckon he has someone else? I think he didn't mean to say let me screw around.. that he is actually just missing being single.. so I asked him if you want that fine.. but tell me and stop messing me about..

One min he will say what I want to hear and the next is a complete insulting man who just shows no shred of emotion.. what would you do? RESULT: confused don't know what the hell I can do and not thinking straight.

THE PROBLEM

Hi - maybe one of you can help me. I am 23 weeks pregnant. I am 26 he is 34. Feel v alone. I am in Dublin, Ireland he is in London UK.. he refuses to move to Dublin as he loves London too much and even though we have accidentally made a baby it has not really changed him that much. I feel completely abandoned and find it hard not to burst into tears about his current lack of efforts - he only makes an effort for me when I am in UK visiting him. I have been going over on the wkends to see him every 2 weeks for the last few months but now have to stop for baby's sake.. he hasn't had the money to do so for me as he is not working so did not pressure him there but asked him to tell me what we can do as a solution to seeing one another. I am currently crashing in my parents place, have not enough money to rent as here you need a rent and a deposit up front which would set me back 1000e min. I am now looking for a perm job but hoping to be made perm in the temp one I am in before I start to show but at least the girl in the temp job is cool about things I told her about pregnancy... this is my first pregnancy so thankfully not showing yet but getting there.

Baby is a healthy girl thank god.. but he is not doing much to help me and is immature - he lives in his parental house and loves his bedroom too much. Initially I tried to move to London and live in his house for a week when my employment finished due to the fact I was pregnant. It was a disaster. He wanted me to claim housing benefit to pay his sister a sort of rental income for me having a room in their house. I was too angry and never agreed.. now I do not know whether I can leave him as I feel emotionally linked to him via the baby. I also want the baby to know its real father i.e.. Him. He still wants a DNA as I became pregnant through withdrawal method.. he also wants a lie detector test before he can properly trust in me as he has it in his head that I have cheated on him. I haven't and even if I was offered I wouldn't - I love the guy properly but he never feels it which then leads to fights. I do not have the strength to break up with him even though he keeps trying to dump on me or say nasty untrue stuff to wind me up.. I also don't want anyone else just him. He only cares for me properly when I am in London but in Dublin he does 0 for me.. he said he will but he gives me no money as he is currently not working so don't mind that for now as he tries to set up his own accounting business.. I work as much as I can as I am skint.. I have lost most of my Irish mates as they have emigrated and moved on from Ireland as I lived in UK for all last yr and now have practically no one left in Dublin.. I am clueless to this and so feeling on my own its depressing.. I walk into mothercare shops and see happy couples and have often had to run out of them to go to the bathroom to just cry.. I should be happy right but its hard to stay that way all the time.. I am due on Sept 8, 2007 - I don't know if he loves me.. and want to know what others think.. he says he does every day but his words don't match the actions.. and this threatening to dump me as he is fed up of our fights.. he initiates all the fights and its always to do with trust.. thanks B

P.S. He now mentions his exes over the last few days. I get on with both girls R (girl he wanted to shag but she never let him) and J (his ex who thinks he is selfish - she told me to stop caring so much about him and leave him) He also wants to find out if his ex of 3 yrs ever got divorced.. why does he care more for her than his own pregnant girlf? Any ideas>?:(

[shygrneyzs]

You need to separate his behavior towards you and the fact you are pregnant. Do not allow his paternity to cloud the situation of his mistreatment of you. You seriously do not owe him anything when he acts like he does towards you.

He keeps threatening to dump you. Dump him first! Honestly! He is counting on you on being to move forward. He is playing some serious head games with you - the lie detector test - will he take one also? I can understand the DNA, it just seems a natural part of what guys ask for and the courts may require it for child support.

He is the one starting the fights - he wants to get you mad enough to leave and then he can point the blame at you. Do not engage in his arguments, walk away and keep on walking. You are not the only woman being single and pregnant. You can get through the pregnancy and birth and child rearing without him. He is showing behaviors that are not going to change, except for the worst. You mention that his words and his actions do not match - that should be the red flag that settles your deep questions about him. He is far too immature and unstable for you to handle. You have enough to take care of now.

[talaniman]

You are right about one thing, his actions don't match his words. Realize that you are a mother, and need to take care of your babies the best you can. Even though you chose a complete loser to get you pregnant, that doesn't mean you have to continue with that mistake. Dump him quick and get the court to grant you child support, and move ahead with your life and stop trying to figure out what he's up to, because he has shown, with no question, he doesn't know how to treat a woman, or take care of her. Not his fault, he is an idiot loser. You can do much better without him as long as you make him take care of his responsibilities. The rest of his drama and abuse you are better off without.