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KCD · May 9, 2007, 01:13 PM

I am seventeen years old in Colorado, and am engaged. I risk getting sent to my fathers for a year and therefore risk losing the man I love. Currently we have written a letter to the judge, as well as filled out a petition for me to get married (my fiancée is not underage). We included a letter from a school counselor as well. My parents will not consent to the marriage. How long will it take to get judicial approval?Also will the judge need to meet with my parents beforehand? Any answers will help. Thank you. :confused:

Bluerose · May 9, 2007, 03:47 PM

I'm in UK and I think these things may be different here. I just want to say no matter how it works out, stick together. Avoid alienating family but you must do what is right for you. It is amazing that you have obeyed them this long - you are good people. Even if it means waiting a couple of years to make your own decisions - don't worry, you will be in control of your own life soon enough.

Fr_Chuck · May 9, 2007, 04:52 PM

As I noted, it is very possible that the judge after reviewing it, will rule for you to wait. Since you are already 17, you have less than a year to turn 18. I think that putting marriage plans on hold till you turn 18, may allow you to stay where you are at, But esp with your parents objecting often esp if they are good parents, no abuse, no legal cause to need to move.

Also I am surprised that your school couselor would write something against your parents wishes, making the school possibility liable for a law suit by your parents.

I know you don't see it, but it is most likely your mom and dad have your best interest, since far to often the majority ( not all) of very young marriages fail. And if you are worried that waiting one year can make it fail, is into itself an issue, you would need to prove to a judge why waiting a year would cause any serious damage.

As I noted in other message, If I was a betting person, I would say the judge will rule against you, and if you continue to demand against your parents, you will be in TX and not around to go to court for your petition.

As you grow older you will understand your parents want what is best for you also, and understand that often waiting a couple of years can really make like look different.

And if you are right and he is the one, even waiting several years and dating for that time would not change it.

Remember if it really is true love, even being at your dads for a year would not lose it, if it did, then it was not true love to start with.

KCD · May 10, 2007, 05:09 PM

Thank you both for replying to my question. Bluerose, I really appreciate what you said and it meant a lot. We have decided, even tho it can take up to two months, that we are going to go through with it. No matter what we'll have each other, even if the outcome of this isn't what we're hoping for. I found out from the court that my parents will need to get involved, but the judge is a professional and wont just automatically say no. I trust he/she will make a decision in my best interests. Its nerve racking knowing that the outcome of your life is in the hands of another person. Fr_Chuck, thank you for your response as well. It helped. Regardless of what I may be sacraficing though, I refuse to give up trying to be with the man I love. Im sure my life isn't a huge concern to anyone else, but I will keep you updated on what happens. All answers are greatly appreciated. :)

Fr_Chuck · May 10, 2007, 07:55 PM

I was there at 17 ( girlfriend was ) and to be honest it ruined her life completely, and caused our two sons to have their younger lifes a real horror. And with about 1/2 of all marriages failing, those at 17 have only about a 10 percent chance of making it. You may be that 10 percent but then 100 percent all think they are in the 10 percent.

And of course not wanting to wait a few months is going to ruin any relationship with parents who care for you dearly since if they did not care they would not be concerned about your getting married or not.

We just get so many 100's here that are posting at 22 with 2 and 3 kids, wanting to know how to keep the fathers from visitation, or from the fathers on how not to pay child support. And everyone of these relationships started with both of the people not being able to "live" without the other.
During the next few years both of you will be growing and changing so much, neither will be the same person they are now in 5 years, and if the growth is not together, it will not work.

And going to court against your parents for a few months is just silly, burning so many bridges behind you. And to be honest when you say it would be your best interest, I just don't think from a legal view point it can be shown, it is a desire, a wish, but not something that would be better for you than living at home, and going to school,

I guess you can just be glad I am not the judge, but then, this judge will most likely also be the one that hears all of the divorce cases of the 1000's just like you that do marry too early and against parents wishes.

fix-what-you-broke · May 11, 2007, 12:39 AM

I don't understand why waiting a year would make you loose the man you love ?
I have been waiting 5 years, and hey, still nothing... but we are still together, so I don't know why you need to rush into this. How long have you been together? How old is your man? Maybe the age of your guy has something to do with your parent decision as well as your age.
There is no rush to get married at all.

Bluerose · May 11, 2007, 02:22 AM

Fr_Chuck makes a very good point. What if you agreed to to wait to have children, that might make a difference. It can't be ignored that once children are involved the 'it's your life do what you want' simply doesn't apply anymore.

isa925 · Jun 5, 2011, 03:41 PM

I am 17 years old and also engaged, he is in the military. We have tried finding ways around the law about underage marriage but sadly there is nun. Both groom and bride need at least one parent's approval for marriage if you are not 18 (your fiancé doesn't need approval because of his age). However, because you are 17, you are still considered a minor and therefore your marriage is elegal until you turn 18. So I suggest doing what me and my fiancé are doing and just wait until you are 18.