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jigz1311 · May 8, 2007, 08:37 PM

My fiancée watches porn a lot and it is having a strain on our relationship. The worst thing about it is he lies about watching it. I have asked him numerous times to get rid of the tapes and he always says he will but never does. Now our cable bill has doubled because he's ordering it. I'm not trying to jump to conclusions but I think there is more going on. He is secritive with his text messaging and he always calls other girls cutie and hun. I don't think that's right! He cheated on me two years ago, we worked really hard to get through it and things had been great, now I'm afraid there is something going on again. I just feel really lost and don't know who to turn to.

gypsy456 · May 8, 2007, 08:43 PM

Of course you feel lost!!

And you are right... your fiancée should not call other women "cutie" or "hon"... sorry, with his past he should work his bum off to make you feel the most special woman on the planet...

Don't accept it.

Ask yourself...
He is your fiancée now. n
Do you like to share your life with somebody who has cheated on you... is not honest about things like this...

Counseling maybe ?

AW805 · May 8, 2007, 10:10 PM

Sounds like your fiancé needs some couseling/therapy before you tie the knot. I wouldn't marry him until he gets help. If he doesn't, run the other way!

kp2171 · May 8, 2007, 10:48 PM

He's lying now.

What's to stop him from lying later? And while I know people who use the terms "hon" frequently and innocently, I'm guessing your intuition is probably right concerning his "feeling out" other women for attraction.

Marriage... good marriage... is work at times. If he's not willing to do the work he needs to do to keep you happy now, I'm afraid the prospect of him working harder later is not likely.

Could you marry him as he is now? Right now? Because that is what you HAVE. Not the idea of what he could be or might be. You have him as he is now. If this isn't OK with you, you have no business marrying him, thinking he will change.

People do change over time. Marriage changes you. Kids change you. But you cannot marry him thinking these things will automatically make him better.

So, again... could you marry him now, as he is, acting as he is, knowing that this could be how he is the rest of your marriage? If your answer is no... then you know you can't marry him, at least for now... and I'm thinking he has a lot to prove before you could really say that he's changed.