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starFACE · May 8, 2007, 06:57 PM

I don't get him at all. I never know what he's thinking, but it's never like sex. Sometimes I feel so ugly and so unwanted because he hardly ever does anything with me anymore. We've only been together a year and 10 months and it hurts me so much. I'm like so depressed from it all the time because I feel like he never wants me, and he doesn't. But when I talk to him about it he says he does and it's just he's looking for the right time. I don't understand... does he just not think I'm attractive or what's wrong with me that he doesn't want me? He says he loves me and thinks I'm sexy and everything, but it doesn't show. I hate it. It makes me feel worthless. Somebody please help.

texaswill · May 8, 2007, 07:20 PM

Maybe he is insecure with his abilities for one reason or another, has something happened that made the change all of a sudden or has it slowed over time

kp2171 · May 8, 2007, 08:33 PM

Scour the threads here. You'll see you aren't alone.

It likely isn't you. His drive is low for any of a number of reasons, but the fact that he doesn't seem to be willing to work on the issue and is willing to let you suffer mentally and be denied physically and mentally says a lot about him.

You get the respect you demand... which, in this case, means you can settle for whatever you want. I know it sucks to have to be in this place... but sexual compatibility is a real issue that should be dealt with. If all he does in talk, it means little.

Take a little time to look at the posts in this forum topic. You'll see you are not alone. We get posts like this almost daily. Sometimes from people who are years and years into a marriage and feel trapped and are miserable.

So... its good you are taking this seriously. Its not good you aren't on the same page sexually. He needs to make an honest effort without your begging for attention. If its too much for him to take care of you, then you have to decide if that's something you can live with and be happy.

And, I think its important for you to understand that if you decide its OK to stay in this relationship if that doesn't change, then you cannot continue to let this be a problem. That is, you cannot continue to complain if you accept this as how he is. It is not fair how he's treating you, but it isn't fair to remain in a relationship long term expecting the other person to fundamentally change.

I hope he backs his words up with action. Stress, physical fitness, depression... many things could be contributing to this that have nothing to do with you. And some people are not very willing to face their fears or problems. But now its your problem too. He needs to face it. You need to pressure him to get help if he needs it. After that, you need to decide, as mentioned, if this is a sustainable relationship within the contect of the present situation.

I think most of us would be happier if we demanded more for ourselves and of ourselves. Its easy to make excuses when you really want something to work. I hope it works for you. Its really up to him, not you. This isn't about you. It is all about him.

hellcarrier67 · May 8, 2007, 09:05 PM

Was this a recent occurrence or has he been this way since the beginning

smoothy · May 9, 2007, 09:45 AM

I think this is a pretty good example that you may not be compatible... Trust me in its better to see the writing on the wall NOW than it is after you get married hoping he will change and doesn't.

Some guys just have a low sex drive... (or prefer men to women), so unless that's something you want and can live with then its time to move on.