[amanda1903]

I posted my question in the adoption section, but the responses created a few more questions. I am seeking the assistance of a lawyer, but would appreciate any input.

I live in SC. My son's father has not been involved since conception. He moved to MN shortly after I found out I was pregnant. I have contacted him on at least 9 different occasions (documented) throughout my pregnancy and over the past 4 months (my son is 4 months old). For the sake of my son's emotional health, I made the decision to allow the father to choose how involved he wanted to be in our lives. I do not want an absentee father or just a paycheck in the mail every month. I am financially independent and able to provide my son with everything he needs. I am fully aware of the benefits of child support, but DO NOT want money from him if he is not going to be emotionally involved. I am also scared that if I were to pursue child support, he would seek visitation solely for the purpose of harming my son or kidnapping him.

That being said... I do not want to live my life with the concern that he is going to decide in 4, 6, or 12 years that he wants to be a father and take me to court for visitation. I would definitely be open to talking to him at that point, but I want for it to be on MY terms, not the court's.

I have recently learned of something called the Putative Father's Law (MN, not SC)--whereby a father must notify of intent to seek paternity/visitation/custody within 30 days of a child's birth. Does this mean that he cannot contest my petition to terminate? Do I have justification for terminating his rights based on his lack of communication and interest? Will the courts even allow me to terminate if there isn't an adoptive parent available? Could my father be that adoptive parent (without me terminating my own rights, of course)?

If I cannot terminate, what rights does the father have? Can he take me to court any time he wishes and take my son for visitation without having supervised visits first? Can he petition for full or partial custody?? Can he take him out of state?

I hope that I don't come across as a complete nut job. I am honestly trying to do what is best for my child.

[LadyB]

You need to consult with an attorney. The putative father's registry is mostly for purposes of notification of adoption in lieu of birthfathers signed consent. You should be able to have his rights terminated based on abandonment, but you really need an attorney.

[Matt3046]

On what do you base your fears of him harming the child?
But anyway he does have some rights, you need to at least consult with a lawyer. Ask around, don't pick one from from the internet or phone book. In my exp. Lawyers that have to advertise are possibly not that great.

[Fr_Chuck]

Since your mind is set I guess I could argue all day where you are wrong, and are cheating your son out of his money, that could be saved back for him when he is older.

But no, the MN rule applies to the challenge of a father, since he is either listed or already proved to be the father this does not apply to your case.
If I understand it correctly the MN law basically is for people listed as father and they wish to contest the fact they are the father, if they don't contest being the father, they can be held responsible if later they are proven not to be. Unless there is another law you are referring to.

But if you want him to sign over his rights, you can do so in the court where the previous child custody agreement is filed, that is the court with jurisdiction over this. ( not the MN court, unless that is where you were from also and the court that did the original ruling)

There are many legal issues, and also the issue you will have when the child is 13 or 15 and wants to meet their father. ( it will happen believe me) ** if you don't just go over to the adoption pages and read the 100's posts of simliar nature

But in any case, you need a real life attorney, in the area where your court is held. They can give you the options available to you. If he will not sign away his rights, it can be done, if he fights it in court, it will be hard.

[amanda1903]

Since your mind is set I guess I could argue all day where you are wrong, and are cheating your son out of his money, that could be saved back for him when he is older.

But no, the MN rule applies to the challenge of a father, since he is either listed or already proved to be the father this does not apply to your case.
If I understand it correctly the MN law basicly is for people listed as father and they wish to contest the fact they are the father, if they don't contest being the father, they can be held responsible if later they are proven not to be. Unless there is another law you are refering to.

But if you want him to sign over his rights, you can do so in the court where the previous child custody agreement is filed, that is the court with jurisdiction over this. ( not the MN court, unless that is where you were from also and the court that did the orginal ruling)

There are many legal issues, and also the issue you will have when the child is 13 or 15 and wants to meet thier father. ( it will happen believe me) ** if you don't just go over to the adoption pages and read the 100's posts of simliar nature

But in any case, you need a real life attorney, in the area where your court is held. They can give you the options available to you. If he will not sign away his rights, it can be done, if he fights it in court, it will be hard.

Thanks for taking the time to respond to me. I don't think it is pointless for you to explain to me why you think I should pursue child support. I *do* want to do what is best for my son. I am a new mom and just learning to navigate through single parenthood and I am more than willing to hear other opinions.

We do not have a custody or support agreement as you mentioned above and he has in fact, not even been proven to be the father. He is not listed on the birth certificate and has made no attempt to contact me in the past year.

My primary concern with seeking child support is that it extends an opportunity for him to disrupt my son's life in the future. I will be completely willing to let him meet my son even if his rights have been terminated, but as I said before, I want it to be on MY terms so that *I* can decide what is best for my child. Why should he have ANY rights in the future? Is it acceptable for a father to waltz in and out of a child's life as it is convenient for him? Where do you draw the line between emotional stability and a 150.00/month child support check? By terminating his rights, I can assure that my son will not be subjected to unnecessary and vindictive actions by his father--far more important than money, in my opinion.