[tarapaige]

All right, this is going to probably be a long story so I would really appreciate it if you stick with it until the end! I will try not to make it confusing.
My mother met a man online around January. He was originally from Ohio but had moved to Florida to work installing plumbing. When my mom met him he was planning on moving back here to Ohio. He came back for about a couple weeks and stayed with my mom. A little weird because his family supposedly lives in the area also. My mom ended up telling him he needed to find his own place because she wasn't ready for a live-in boyfriend. He ended up going back to Florida to work because he was getting paid a lot more down there than any jobs he could find up here in Ohio. My mom was supposed to go down to visit the last weekend he was there but he ended up calling her the day before she was supposed to go and said that he had to work. He was supposed to come back at the beginning of March and since then it has been excuse after excuse about why he hasn't come back. First his truck got t-boned by a taxi and he was sent to the hospital. Then he was riding up with some friends and in Kentucky he got sick from internal bleeding (from the car accident) and was sent back to the hospital. My mom didn't hear from him for about a week or two and had no idea what was going on. Then he went back to Florida to get a car. Took two weeks to get the car and the title, some excuse about the internet connection in the Florida Keys since it all has to be run under the ocean or something. It was causing problems at the license branch. Then he got pulled over and there was a warrant out for something having to do with his ex-wife so he was put in jail for a few days. (Wouldn't the police have discovered the warrant after the t-bone accident?) My mom didn't hear from him for about a week and he said that he had to shut his phone off because his car was in the impound and he couldn't afford $50 a day for that and his phone bill. After this he called my mom on a Thursday or so and said he would be there around 3 am Saturday morning. He never showed up and she didn't hear from him for a few days. He finally called her and said that he got pulled over and stepped off a curb and his knee gave out and he collapsed (he supposedly has bad knees). He was knocked out and woke up in another hospital. He said if he had no permanent damage to his knee then they were going to put a cast on it and he was going to come home, to Ohio. If he had damage they were going to have to do surgery and he would come home as soon as he was able. The next weekend my mom bought plane tickets and flew down to Atlanta. She called me around 10 pm and said he never showed up to pick her up and she couldn't get a hold of him. She ended up having a friend from Alabama pick her up and stayed with her for the weekend, until Monday. She heard from him Sunday morning and he said that he was having a couple other guys come pick her up at the airport but he couldn't get a hold of them. So why didn't he call my mom and let her know that instead of leaving her at the airport? Anyway, this entire time he has been making future plans for him, my mom, and my little sister. Has asked my mom to marry him and my mom moved into a house that that they plan on living in together. My mom will get mad at him and say it's over but he somehow sweet talks her and she forgives him. All of this seems a little odd to me.
My boyfriend and I just bought a house together and my mom, brother, and sister are coming to see it this weekend and we're going to have a cookout. The original plan a few weeks ago was that her boyfriend was going to come also. After the whole airport thing I'm not sure that I want him here. I don't know if this is being selfish of me. If my mom can forgive him then maybe I should. I just think he's lying and that something is wrong and don't really want to be a part of it I guess.
So my question is... should I tell her that I don't want him to come? Or what should I do?

Thank you so much for reading that and for giving your advice! :)

[Fr_Chuck]

Your mom has picked a loser, and no you don't need to forgive him, but be there when your mom is broke form this guy and feeling really stupid.

[Bluerose]

Don't worry about the length of your post it's always good to get a clear picture of things. And hopefully you feel better for getting it off your chest.

I say trust your instincts. You could have a word with your mum and let her know how you feel. But then I'm afraid you are going to have to leave it up to her if she wants to continue seeing him.

You could just go with the flow about the cookout, and just keep a bit of distance between you and him.

Your mum has waited for this, let her have a bit of fun. She needs to make her own mistakes and learn from them.

You could just be there for her if and when the worst comes to the worst. Avoid saying I told you so. It's not your mum's fault that she has fallen for this guy.

Just watch for those red flags.

[imgorgeous]

Hi I am usually a part of another forum on this board.. but chanced upon your message. So decided to speak..

Firstly, the guy is using your mother.. After the meetup either he is not attracted to her since he has been concocting excuses continuously... but wouldn't mind being with her if he has financial or home security...


I am 24 years old and I have done things like this.. to people on the internet myself.. since I have found it difficult to break the persons heart I carry on playing with their emotions.. TRUSSME I AM NOTTT proud of it!

Your mother is in need for a companion.. and that need makes her fail to see through him


I suggest you hang on... don't lose it at him , because that will hurt your mother and spoil your relationship with her..

But then again , keep subtly filling up your mothers head with the thing.. albeit very subtly by mentioning the airport scene sometimes.. Like " Oh Its such a shame he had to NOT TURN UP " etc. Use other instances also subtly etc.

Also try gauging this guy properly once he comes over and probe about hwat he has in mind... ( IF HE COMES OVER THAT IS )


He is definitely a user babes... and not worth it..

Your mom will learn slowly.. but encourage her to pursue other dates etc. to keep her options open.. this willl leave her less hurt in the long run...

BESIDES I can't RECOLLECT THE LAST TIME AN INTERNET RELATIONSHIP Wasn't BASED ON COMPULSIVE LYING>.. To me this guy suffers from compulsive lying... something that I could relate to myself.. because I state white lies all the time.. I hate myself for it.. but can't stop doing it !