[iamintrouble]

I was getting spousal support from my ex-husband. My boyfriend judge me was a bad thing I did. And he thinks I take advantage of the law of marriage. I try to explained to him and make him understand my situation of my marriage because my ex doesn’t want to work the marriage out, it wasn’t I am the one do not want our marriage. In this point, I think he should take responsible for his action.
In my boyfriend point of view, he thinks if the marriage doesn’t work out. You can just get your feet out to find a job to support yourself. He think I took the spousal support is I am wrong and I did bad thing!
I was thinking they are all bad woman if they gets spousal support from their divorce, even though it wasn’t their fault!
I don’t care what people think about me. But I feel resent my boyfriend doesn’t try to understand, and judge me as a bad person. It very hurt my feeling that what he said. I have enough pain cause my previous marriage. I feel very unfair that he judge my marriage!

[whiteladybug2002]

I think that if you were married for a extended amount of time and you stayed home to work on family & home, then yes, you should get spousal support. But if you are just lazy and don't want to work, then I do think you are taking advantage of the situation.

[Fr_Chuck]

I think your boyfriend is giving you some real good signs you picked the wrong boyfriend and he is telling you not to except jack from him if you break up from him latter.
So if you don't need a 2X4 to hit you on the head it is saying find a new boyfriend who will accept you for you.

[talaniman]

You have a real jerk for a boyfriend for sure and if that's what you want, so be it. Just don't beeyach, when he lives up to what he says.

[iamintrouble]

I was a homemaker during the time of my marriage. My ex being selfish and want to keep me at home just for take care of him. I want to go to school to learn something since I have plenty of time at home. But his said he doesn't want me to meet people because he was worry I won't be stay home all the time for cooking and take care of him. Also, this was apart of the reason our marriage didn't work out. Now I got the spousel support from him. Meanwhile, I go to school and hoping I can take my feel out there soon.

[s_cianci]

Why the heck does your boyfriend even care that you receive spousal support from your ex? You're entitled to it and he should be happy for you. He doesn't seem like a very loving, caring boyfriend. I'd think long and hard about this one.

[iamintrouble]

He worry one day if we got married but doesn't work out, I will do the same to him, to get spousel support. He see very unfair for man for the law of the marriage in California. Also, he is a person who worry woman after his money. So I guess he just worry one day would happen to him. I do understand somehow.

[Fr_Chuck]

"do understand" understand he worries more about his money than you, understands that he will not want to be fair to you. And understand he is a very controlling person, I know this was not part of what you asked about, but think seroiusly about this, that you have not left one back relationship just to get into another

[talaniman]

Please don't get married until you figure out why you make such terrible choices in men.

[J_9]

Hun, you need to kick this "boyfriend" to the curb and live your life for you right now.

After reading your posts here I see many many red flags that will only cause you pain if you stay with him.

Get rid of him, keep your spousal support from your ex, get yourself an education, obtain a career you enjoy, and find a man who will love and support ALL of your decisions.

This guy is a manipulative, potentially dangerous, jerk!!

[1badchoice]

I see both sides of the spousal support issue. The thing is... spousal support is issued for a reason. It would not be awarded if there were not a good reason for getting it. You have no reason to feel guilty or listen to your "boyfriends" negative opinions. Your bigger question should be... is this the kind of person I want to spend my life with? You are trying to get over the pain of a divorce and establish your own career. Give yourself some time to heal. Take a good look at this boyfriend. Is he what you want in a partner? Again... you have no reason to feel guilty for getting spousal support! Surround yourself with people who can be a support to you. Not people who try to keep you down. If you don't do this now... you will find yourself in a much worse situation in the future. Please take a hard look at this guy. It's not your problem "why" he feels that way... he still is very negative. Is that what you need in your life? Truly hope you use this time to work on getting back on your feet. Cathy

[Zebra]

There are really two items being discussed here. The first is spousal support, right or wrong. The second is "iamintrouble"s opinions and her boyfriend's opinions about her divorce. In this case, they certainly are interrelated; but they are still separate issues.

On the first issue, I believe that spousal support can be both right and wrong, depending on the individual circumstances. We rely on judges and the legal system to sort this out; but often times it seems like a prejudiced rubber stamp is used (and it usually goes in favor of the female).

On the second issue, I believe that each individual is intitled to their opinion. You did nothing wrong in asking for support and it was granted. Under the laws where you lived at the time, support was legal, a judge found it proper and it was granted - case closed. If your present boyfriend can't live with this, that's his problem; NOT YOURS.

I would urge you to continue looking for the man that will honor and love you for you, asking no questions about your past and making no judgements about whatever you share with him about your past.