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keystone152 · May 4, 2007, 06:02 PM

How can I help myslef from being so sellfiish I am with an amazing women and I am ruining the relationship of four years left and right be because I don't think of her needs I love her to death but I only think of myself I don't know if its be sellfish our if I am clingy and how can I fix or cope with that as well I want her to be with me all the time I hold her back as well so means the wourld to me I won't lose her if I can help it but I only pull this wene she needs me to stay back so she can focus on her life it makes me feel neglected if anyone can give me some suggestions that would be much appreciated sorry about the spelling and grammar

AKaeTrue · May 4, 2007, 06:39 PM

Perhaps you could find something to do with your time while she's not around (like a hobby).
That way, while she's doing her own thing, you could be doing yours...

gypsy456 · May 4, 2007, 06:43 PM

Count your blessings... if she is that wonderful she may one day realise that you are not that good to her... get your own life and don't only focus on her... it might be more healthy for your relationship...

Clough · May 5, 2007, 02:49 AM

If you know what you are doing that is wrong for the relationship, then do things that would help the relationship. You have already voiced things that you know you are doing to be selfish, etc. Stop doing them. It is about choices that you are making.

You have a life too. Do something with it. I'm sure that she would love for you to be doing something for yourself. Being with someone is about "me," but it's also about "we."

To have a relationship with someone else takes maintenance and work. If you don't do the work and maintenance, the relationship will not be there.

lauram · May 5, 2007, 03:15 AM

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. My instant reaction was that you should go back to school and focus on yourself MORE not less. But, by that I mean focus on improving yourself so you are more worthy of such a woman. You don't seem to feel that you are and perhaps you are correct? Adding that little "sorry about the grammar and spelling" remark at the end of your message sounded very whimpery and self-indulgent to me. You need to respect yourself enough to DO something about your inability to compose a grammatically correct message rather than expecting sympathy for it as though it's someone else's fault that you are as you are. It's all up to you and believe it or not, that is a really good thing. You do have the ability to improve yourself. I believe that about you now you must believe that about you and take action. And by the way, we are ALL expected to be constantly improving ourselves throughout our lives. Stop growing and improving and you are not worth anything to anyone, especially not to yourself.