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jonty2400 · May 4, 2007, 07:37 AM

I have just learned that my fiancé of two years has been telling his ex-wife of 6 years that he misses her.. On top of that crying will doing so. I am so damn mad I can not even see straight. I have left him simply because there is no place in my life for that type of behavior. He has two children with this woman, none with me. I have a child from a previous relationship. My sons father is deceased. My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years. My son was 1 when we got together, so he is the only father that he knows. That is the difficult part. I normally have no problem making my own decisions, but this one has me cornered. Any advise?

mrsabbay · May 4, 2007, 08:55 AM

Did you sit down and talk to him about the situation before you left him? More than likely ,if the two of you are still in love, its something that can be fixed. And if it can be fixed it would save you and your son from a lot of heart ache. On the other hand if it something that will cause way more heart ache and problems than necessary it is probably best to part ways temporarily or even permanently if it's that bad.
Hope it works out for you and remember god is the best at disguising blessings

jonty2400 · May 4, 2007, 10:16 AM

mrsabbay...

Thank you for your response. I have sat down and talked to him. What resulted in that was my gut telling me that he was lying.. I could see it in his eyes. That is what hurt the most. Not to mention, my pride has completely been stomped on.. Extremely embarrassed is a better world to say the least. I just don't know if I can let this slide. I am not the forgiving (I don't think). Only time will tell. I just get sick when I think of him. Don't even want to talk to him!

kanicky73 · May 4, 2007, 10:55 AM

If that is what your gut is telling you, then maybe you should go with it. I know this sounds so cliché and is never a sure fire answer, but our woman's intuition is usually dead on!

Northwind_Dagas · May 4, 2007, 11:01 AM

Best you learn of this now before you are married. If he loves you and wants to make a life with you, there should be nothing about the ex to miss.

You said you found out, but thought he was lying. Did you find out from a reliable source you trust?

jonty2400 · May 4, 2007, 11:11 AM

Nothwind...

Thanks for the response. As far as the source goes, yes it was reliable. It WAS his ex-wife. And she was not lying. I honestly felt she was telling the truth. Don't care for her that much, but I really could tell she was telling the truth. I have caught him in little white lies during our relationship. Stupid little lies that have no merit as to why you would even lie. For example, I have asked him if he turned the air conditioner down, simple little question, his reply, NO! Stupid things like that or things he said he told me he was going to do, when he never told anything. And he knows he is lying, and knows that I know...

Northwind_Dagas · May 4, 2007, 11:20 AM

Well, I don't need to tell you trust and communication are very important in a relationship, and it doesn't sound like you have those with this guy. Like I said, good think you found out before you got married.

dawnstephenson · May 4, 2007, 12:19 PM

I think you no deep down with that uncomfoortalbe feeling you get if he is lying or being honest go with your instict x my ex was like that I new he was up to something so I asked he lied so I went I just new a few weeks later I believe he was sleeping with the girl in question .

talaniman · May 4, 2007, 01:06 PM

Your mad now, so take time to cool off, and see how you feel. I think that honesty and communications, are the cornerstone of a healthy relationship, and I don't think you should settle for less. Glad you find out now than later.

jonty2400 · May 4, 2007, 01:16 PM

Thanks Talaiman...

Just don't think I'm going to cool off.. I think the damage has been done.

diya · May 4, 2007, 01:30 PM

Ok listen, you're hurt with all this, we all have understood that... so do you want that hurt to fade? If yes, then sit back and realize that no relationship is permanent but to stay in that we need to make it work. In your case, if you feel he lied but you have not confronted him about it, then that's not right. Also if some outsider tells you now what your fiancé did and you believed, then what would you do after marriage? I am not saying don't believe your gut, that you should... but at the same time, communicate open with the guy involved and tell him that his action is inappropriate and that you will never accept this kind of behaviour... Give him an ultimatum... that's the best recourse for you and then think what you want to do with him... love him or leave him... can't stay in the middle...

jonty2400 · May 4, 2007, 01:36 PM

Diya..

I have confronted him, we talked about it until 1am this morning.. Problem is staying would not give me the space that I need to try to figure out what to do.. Being a single mother is another thing I have to consider. I am just frustrated. I really don't know what to do...

diya · May 4, 2007, 01:43 PM

Ok, I think what you need is little time to be with you and your kid and not with this man. Usually when we are disliking someone at that point in time, it becomes hard to analyze situations and people we are with... moment we are away from that face, we can think rationally... the pros and cons. You need some time to be by yourself... in the meantime get some books to read but avoid talking to anyone about him... that will give you your space that you need, if truly need one.

jonty2400 · May 4, 2007, 01:47 PM

Diya..

I think that is a good idea.. I plan to stay the weekend with my family.. Hopefully that will give me time to think..

talaniman · May 4, 2007, 05:28 PM

A dart board with his picture would go along ways to venting those intense feelings.