[Marcusstorm]

This is hard for me to talk about as I have never really discussed this before but I will try. When I have sex with a guy, when he is penetrating me I don't really enjoy it at all. Yet when a guy feels around my and licks me out I tend to come really hard. Does that suggest that I am a lesbian or is it normal. I do have feelings for girls, and am currently in a relationship with a girl but I also love guys, I just hate sex with them. I don't mind if a chick fingers me, cause I like it but when a guy does I hate it and it hurts, I know this is cause I am tense, but I love guys. I also have a boyfriend, who obviously likes sex, but it seeems like a chore to me. I love my touched. Am I normal, could it be a result of my abusive past. Please help me because its getting between my relationships.
Thanks.

[Marcusstorm]

Help me

[AltaVista]

How do we ever define 'normal'? It seems that an abusive situation in the past can certainly affect how you're doing now - have you ever had counseling or therapy regarding those issues? You appear to enjoy being with another woman more than a man, but then you say you 'love guys and have a boyfriend'. Certainly nothing wrong with a lesbian relationship and I guess it's just up to you to make that final decision as to who you would rather be with. I'm sure you'll be getting plenty of different viewpoints on this site by this time tomorrow.

[1badchoice]

As previously stated, your sure to get tons of responses as this is a subject the masses can't ignore. That said, a relationship involves more than just sex. And sex takes many forms. I say, as long as all involved are consenting adults and no one is being hurt... do what makes you happy. No one can know what YOU like best. Do you feel closer emotionally to men or women? It is possible your bisexual. Even so, most people prefer one over the other if they absolutely had to choose. You can enjoy both men/women but have stronger connections, feelings, desires with one than with the other. You shouldn't just assume your gay because sex hasn't been the most satisfying with men. You tense, nervous and expecting pain/discomfort. Explore your body, tell your boyfriend what works best for you, slow down and explore. If you still aren't clicking with men... you always have the other choice. LOL Good luck. From one bi to another. Cathy

[Krs]

I would say as a general rule women prefer oral sex to actual intercourse.
However I think you really need to find out who you are, because this is not fair on your current boyfriend and also on yourself!

[1badchoice]

It's only "not fair" to current boyfriend if he doesn't know about her relationship with her girlfriend. He may be perfectly aware and OK with it. Every situation is different. And finding out what works best for you is a journey. What you like today may not be what you like tomorrow.

[smoothy]

You may want to speak with a gynecologist as there are conditions that would make intercourse uncomfortable if not painful. Maybe you just aren't self lubricating enough. (this would not be an issue with a far smaller finger or tongue. Any way around it speak with a doctor so you know for certain why this is.

[EnglishRose]

I think the reason it is less comfortable when a man does these things to you might have something to do with the fact that men simply can't have the same understanding of a woman's body as a woman does. However, you talk of an abusive past and I'm guessing this was abuse by a man and I would have thought this is the reason for your discomfort around men. I don't think that having a relationship with two people at the same time is going to help matters though. Is it that you are keeping both along as an experiment? To compare how things feel with each sex?

[1badchoice]

English,
I think it's called the home court advantage. Who would know more about how a woman's body works than a woman? Often men just haven't had the best instructions.

[Ash123]

BINGO: Abusive past.
YES. that is a problem.

Please see a therapist. YOur situation is classic for someone sorting through latent pain and guilt.

I am guessing you are relatively young. Your sexuality is haywire and you don't know who you are. I would suggest foresaking sex for a while - with anyone and talking to a pro. You will NOT regret it. They see this ALL the time.

Orgasms don't make you gay.
Your inner soul determines your sexual orientation and you will not know yours until you step back. It sounds like sex is a very big thing in your life - but it does not really bring you that much happiness. Ironic - but a telltale sign you need a break. You owe it to yourself AND your partners.

Break time now could mean good times later.

Be brave. Don't be a number.

[RubyPitbull]

Marcus, you do need help with this as Ash has stated. This is not about being gay, straight or bi. What you are describing is a classic symptom that results from sexual abuse. You tense up when your boyfriend enters you, that is why it hurts. You cannot relax and give yourself over to him completely. There is an underlying element of distrust that comes from being sexually abused by a man, someone you trusted at one time, before the abuse occurred. Women are not a threat to you because they cannot physically enter you as a man can. You may love your boyfriend but what you are doing to yourself while engaging in sexual intercourse is mentally and emotionally stressful for you. You should be able to be completely free to allow yourself the enjoyment of penetration. You are not able to do this now. Please, find a mental health counselor, as Ash states. There are so many women who have gone through what you have gone through. You are not alone. Please don't wait. I promise you, even though it may take a while to work through it, in the end, it will be well worth it. You need to free yourself of the abuse you have been through. It will continue to interfere with your life if you don't.