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    N0223C's Avatar
    N0223C Posts: 22, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Apr 29, 2007, 09:57 PM
    What should I do? Second chance, or Say Goodbye.
    I dated a girl for about a year, and I lost my attraction towards her and we broke up. I stayed in contact but she was very condescending and negative towards me every time we talked. The bitter arguing went on for about 6 months. I keep talking to her because I still care for her and she's depressed over the breakup.. still. She keeps saying that I'm leading her on when I never mean to. She claims it's all or nothing, referring to a relationship or never speaking again. I don't want it to be the latter, but I still am not attracted to her. What should I do? It appears my options are to give it another chance and see if the past 6 months will be erased, or to take the high road and never speak to her again in hopes that she will forget me and stop being depressed. I have no one to talk to about this except her, so any advice would be helpful.
    grammadidi's Avatar
    grammadidi Posts: 1,182, Reputation: 468
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    #2

    Apr 29, 2007, 10:29 PM
    If you aren't wanting a relationship with this girl then you definitely should stop seeing her! She will see it as a hopeful sign every time you speak with her or spend time with her, regardless of your reasons for it - so, it would feel like you were leading her on to her. You are not attracted to her, you don't want a relationship with her, if you see or talk to her it gives her hope that you want to be with her... you really have no choices here! When you tell her (or show her) than you care, she interprets it to mean that you want to be with her. If, in fact, you do care for her (even though you have no desire to continue a relationship) then the most caring thing you can do is to get out of her life. If you stay in it, you are just postponing the inevitable. She can't move on as long as you continue to give her hope.

    Didi
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Apr 30, 2007, 06:17 AM
    Leave this female alone and stop with the bugging. You don't want her so you are doing lot more harm than good to you both. That's shameful, selfish, and sick. Get a life and leave hers alone.
    N0223C's Avatar
    N0223C Posts: 22, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Apr 30, 2007, 01:42 PM
    I have decided to "leave her alone," but how would I tell her that I don't want to see her ever again? She will be devastated by this, yet I believe the separation is necessary. Any advice on how to call it quits, while possibly lessening the grief?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Apr 30, 2007, 02:26 PM
    There is no way to spare someone from a break, but the honest truth, as soon as possible, and as gently as possible, in person. She may have questions, so give her closure and answer them.
    N0223C's Avatar
    N0223C Posts: 22, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Apr 30, 2007, 02:31 PM
    Well said and great insight. Thanks again for your advice, it has set my mind at ease.
    ceriphante's Avatar
    ceriphante Posts: 95, Reputation: 22
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    #7

    May 3, 2007, 10:44 AM
    The selfish alternative is to just close down any channels of communication you have with her i.e. change your number, change your online nicknames don't answer the door to her etc soon enough she'll get the picture.. it's a harsh one but it would work
    tugman_1's Avatar
    tugman_1 Posts: 46, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    May 3, 2007, 11:08 AM
    If you love her you should give her a Second chance be live me don't lose the you love
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