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    spiraljane23's Avatar
    spiraljane23 Posts: 24, Reputation: 3
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    #1

    Apr 28, 2007, 08:57 PM
    A test of my relationship
    :confused: I am in a good relationship. We are planning on getting married in the future, but not putting too much energy into dreaming and fantasizing about the future, and just enjoying the now. Everything is good. So why do my thoughts go back to someone else? Not really some one else, but wha a friend had said. My friend has told me, while I was in my relationship, that he knows that we are going to be together and that he wants to marry me and be with me. Now what am I supposed to make of that? I do not plan on ever being with this person because I am already with someone and I don't plan on leaving this relationship, so why do I keep thinking about this? Am I just possibly afraid of commitment, or perhaps I do have feelings for this other person, and if that is the case, can anyone suggest to me a way to get ove these feelings?
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #2

    Apr 28, 2007, 09:03 PM
    How long have you been friends with this person?
    How old are the three of you?
    How long have you been dating the current guy?
    spiraljane23's Avatar
    spiraljane23 Posts: 24, Reputation: 3
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    #3

    Apr 28, 2007, 09:09 PM
    We are all in our late 20's, my boyfriend and I have been together for about a year (we've been best friends for much longer though) and I have been friends with my friend for almost 10 years. Can you see why it is a little confusing?
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #4

    Apr 28, 2007, 10:00 PM
    Yeah I can see what your talking about now. I was thinking you were teenagers from the first post.

    The only thing I can think of is that your friend has probably had some feelings for you for some time but didn't want to say anything either out or ruining the friendship or just plain fear. Now that he sees how serious this relationship is getting he's probably figured this is his last chance to speak up.

    As for your thoughts back to him, I guess that would require a little sole searching. Have you ever had them before, even just a little or are you truly surprised by them? The other thing is you might be nervous about making wedding plans and truly settling down so this provides you with a "safe" distraction.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Apr 29, 2007, 07:07 AM
    I think you let this other guy have too much power over your thoughts, and he has created doubts or a confusion. Push these thoughts aside and focus on your life now, and give no more thoughts to what if's, could of's or would of's. Deal with reality.
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