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confuseddontknowwhattodo · Apr 28, 2007, 05:48 AM

Hi people.
OK well I'm sleeping with someone I really shouldn't be.
We were pretty good friends, had a bit of trust and stuff. I left my boyfriend (we were so in love ) of 2 and a half years to be with this man. This man is 41, I was 17 (now 18).. is a criminal, but is reformed- facing jail time.. bla bla bla, all the bad stuff. I thought I was in love with him. He led me on to the point I thought we could be happy together, so I left my boyfriend. Now I realise I didn't mean anything more to him than sex every now and then, and it hurts. Even though pretty early on we said we would be 'friends with benefits' , I thought I must still mean something to him. I thought he was just afraid of what people would say, or the reputation he may get. He is also my brother's best friend. So we've been sleeping together (we live in different towns) every time we meet up. I don't think I love him, I guess there's only so many times you can be used and lied to before it takes its toll. I need to stop it but I don't have the confidence to say no. I am too scared. Even though I think he is using me, I feel if I say no to sex he won't talk to me anymore. I just need anyone's advice on how I could end the sex but not end our friendship, on bad terms. I wish I had never become involved with him in the first place he is always making me feel bad. But at the same time he has taught me a lot and I continue to learn from him
Thanks anyone if you can help me :/ I am just so weak. I miss my boyfriend:| I think I still love him, but now he's moved on (dont blame him after how I treated him)

nadyatk · Apr 28, 2007, 08:00 AM

You should bare in mind that that guy is more than double your age and has much more life experience than you do- if you tell him that you want to be just friends then he should be able to understand. If not than friendship is not what he wants from you.
It's not wrong to be in a relationship with someone older (although the difference between 17- 40 is not the same as 30- 50), but it seems that you are not really in a relationship and if you want something more stable, with somebody else, and having sex buddies makes you only confused at the moment than talk to him about it. I'm sure he'll understand, if he doesn't than he's not worth keeping as a friend.

smoothy · May 9, 2007, 10:35 AM

I agree, #1 if you don't feel comfortable in a relationship then its time to take an objective look at it. 23 years is a huge gap. Not saying that you are immature, just at a different level of maturity than he is. There will be a large difference between what you like and what he likes. It's a generational gap. I'm not saying there can't bee feelings there. I for one can say some 18 year olds are hot, and there can't be a physical attraction because that isn't true... but at an intellectual level we just don't have that much in common. Soemthing you may not think about now but you will in time.

Easiest way to stop a relationship is be honest then go cold turkey. It will be hard at first but will get easier.

Fr_Chuck · May 9, 2007, 10:46 AM

If you don't want to be with him don't, I feel he was using you for some young girl sex, a trophy for his friends to brag about, common among users.

So if you want out, just leave, and don't look back, growing up and being mature is knowing when it is over and when you made a mistake

chaplain john · May 9, 2007, 10:51 AM

Gather all your courage and tell him NO if you lose him as a friend then he was never a friend anyway. 23 years is a huge difference in age to overcome think of it this way when you are in your prime (early thirties) he will be on Social Security.

I could tell you a few things about what happens to a man past sixty but will say only that at sixty plus I'm glad my wife is only a year younger than I am.

confuseddontknowwhattodo · May 13, 2007, 03:04 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

If you don't want to be with him don't, I feel he was using you for some young girl sex, a trophy for his friends to brag about, commom amoung users.

so if you want out, just leave, and don't look back, growing up and being mature is knowing when it is over and when you made a mistake

Haha I hope he isn't telling his friends/. His best mate is my brother!! Ahhh! I've actually stopped seeing him :) well I might see him every now and then but I'm not sleeping with him anymore :)
Thanks for your help

kepi · May 13, 2007, 08:45 AM

Not only that but this is statuatory rape! He is wayyy too old for you! Stop seeing him altogether and find some friends your own age:)

smoothy · May 14, 2007, 05:43 AM

Originally Posted by kepi

Not only that but this is statutory rape! He is wayyy too old for you! Stop seeing him altogether and find some friends your own age:)

Don't know what the laws are in Australia, But I know in some European countries and many states here in the USA it would have been perfectly legal, but not advisable.

kepi · May 14, 2007, 07:22 AM

Oh, didn't even notice that :-P

Either way, it's "socially frowned upon."

Chris Briffa · May 14, 2007, 07:30 AM

Originally Posted by confuseddontknowwhattodo

Hi people.
OK well i'm sleeping with someone I really shouldn't be.
We were pretty good friends, had a bit of trust and stuff. I left my boyfriend (we were so in love ) of 2 and a half years to be with this man. this man is 41, i was 17 (now 18).. is a criminal, but is reformed- facing jail time.. bla bla bla, all the bad stuff. i thought i was in love with him. he led me on to the point i thought we could be happy together, so i left my boyfriend. now i realise i didnt mean anything more to him than sex every now and then, and it hurts. even though pretty early on we said we would be 'friends with benefits' , i thought i must still mean something to him. i thought he was just afraid of what people would say, or the reputation he may get. he is also my brother's best friend. so we've been sleeping together (we live in different towns) every time we meet up. i dont think i love him, i guess theres only so many times you can be used and lied to before it takes its toll. i need to stop it but i dont have the confidence to say no. i am too scared. even though i think he is using me, i feel if i say no to sex he wont talk to me anymore. i just need anyone's advice on how i could end the sex but not end our friendship, on bad terms. i wish i had never become involved with him in the first place he is always making me feel bad. but at the same time he has taught me a lot and i continue to learn from him
thanks anyone if u can help me :/ i am just so weak. i miss my boyfriend:| i think i still love him, but now he's moved on (dont blame him after how i treated him)

Try not to show that you are contious that your doing something wrong (in case he tries to do a crime on you.Then try to slowly escape him and find some one else in fact you are young and he is very old.

kepi · May 14, 2007, 01:27 PM

I agree with J_9 on this- I made a mistake.

Chris Briffa · May 15, 2007, 08:48 AM

If you know that you are doing something wrong than all you have to do is to make him feel bad about it ;) Then all you have to do is to accept and tell him that you understand his position. :rolleyes: and that's it :D .

talaniman · May 15, 2007, 08:00 PM

Sorry Chris, it still makes no sense, and doesn't sound helpful.