[Syujin]

I have had a lot of trouble ying and stealing lately... I have been caught twice and I am addicted to lying, I just can't seem to stop. Does anyone know how to stop this?? I have such a hard time resisting the urge to lie or steal and can't seem to break the habit even though I really want to. Does this mean I have a weak will? Or am I just not trying hard enough? My parents refuse to believe anything I say, and I don't believe half the stuff that flys from my lips either. Does anyone know what to do or how to stop stealing? I got into the stealing by way of a friend and now I just can't stop, and the lying its almost just compulsive I do it without thinking and my parents have already decided that I will get no support after I am 18 at ALL, unless I can regain their trust.

[carolinagirl_kelsey]

Lying is easy, but it is not fun. It makes it necessary to remember what you said to whom and if you told them the truth, an altered truth, or a lie. It is an easy habit to get in to, but not an easy habit to break. You should start by going to your parents and having an honest conversation about your problem. It will let them know what you are struggling with and show them that you want to make an effort to improve. If you start to stretch the truth about the extent of your lying in your conversation, STOP and let the truth come out. For a chronic lier, telling the truth can be therapeutic and even relieving. Clear the air. Confess or rectify any lie that weighs on your conscience. Apologize. Do whatever it takes to feel better. And do it right away. Not only with your parents, but with your friends and anyone who matters in your life. This will no longer make it necessary to maintain any longstanding lies and make you feel a WHOLE lot better. This might be hard, but throw away anything you stole. You obviously can't return it, but if you want to be more honest, do not stand to live in the luxury of stolen goods. And STOP STEALING. Nothing will make you feel guiltier in the future. You live with the lies that you steal, and stealing leads to more lies. To your parents, your friends, store owners... Make an effort and you will feel SO much better. When you feel that slimy, sinking feeling right before you tell a lie, this is your conscience telling you NOT TO LIE. So just don't do it. And if your friend who got you into stealing doesn't get your new found honesty, get a new friend! Nothing is more important than trust in a relationship. Good luck! I hope you regain the trust of your parents, your friends, and society.

[Syujin]

Carolinagirl_kelsey

Thanks for the great advice and yes I have told them about my problem before and I am working on it but it is still an issue. I have developed a plan to keep me from getting into trouble and have destroyed my relationship with my Ex-freind after I realized that he was a total moron... again thanks for the advice.
Also I started getting rid of the junk I stole, and it turns out I really didn't take that much like less than 50bucks and yes I know its still wrong...

[Right2Be]

I have a problem with this as well but 1 thing was just bad timing and poor decision. To start I took a hat from a friend he knows but doesn't care anymore, another was $20 from my best friend and I gave that back to him but my other friends keep going back to it and using it as, the last are a set of dvd's that I borrowed then kept, on week I decided to bring it back to him but the next day I lost them and now to my friends have put in there heads I'm a thief and it's partially true. This was a wrong that I tried to change and it blew up in my face. I have started to change but things keep pulling me down.

[tsechenaku]

What do you want from life? What is it that makes you believe you are bad (proven by lying and stealing) and not a good person, worthy of trust, love, and honor? Are the material things you steal really that important? Are material things more important than people in your life? That is a tough trade-off. It is easy to say that you are working on your problem. It is much harder to really do that. Seek professional help... there may be very serious reasons behind your behavior... some behavioral. Some biological. Some people with OCD or ADHD start lying and stealing at a young age.

But back to my original question: What do you want from life? I know you are young and that is probably difficult to ponder. BUT... do you want to be a good person? Do you want people to trust you? Care about you? Think about the things you steal... I feel you are probably minimizing in your last post. THINGS... material wants, desires, if you were to die tomorrow, what would they mean to you?

I know someone your age doesn't want preaching... and I don't mean to, but I have a great faith in a life after death. You know what is the only thing you can take with you? Certainly not anything of material value or worth... the only thing you really take with you is love. Not how much you were loved, but how well YOU loved. Ask yourself if lying shows love. Stealing. If you love... you do not hurt people in that way. If you love yourself (which is the larger question), you do not hurt yourself in that way. Are you punishing yourself? Are you trying to prove yourself as unworthy as you feel deep down? Or do you have a pscyological/biochemical disorder that is causing poor impulse control?

You are on a difficult journey to answer those questions. Don't believe it is easy. And do not make the mistake that you can do it all on your own... many, many people need help with compulsive behavior. Some never get the help and end up in prison or dead. I hate to be so morbid, but this IS a serious problem that can make a profound effect on the rest of your life. And, I ask again... what do you want from life? What does life mean to you? You sound bright and engaged in thinking... THINK. Then, just live as you are meant to. Love, as you would want others to love and care about you. Develop EMPATHY... how would you feel if...

Best of luck. My prayers are with you. You were born a good person. You are a good person. You do not need to disprove that by behavior that causes others to question that fact. Always keep a mantra in mind: "what would a good person do?" And then... "I am a good person. A caring person. I will do what a good, caring person would do." It may sound silly... but say this to yourself many times in the day, especially if you have the compulsion to lie or steal. And if you lie or steal anyway... forgive yourself and make a commitment to do better next time. WE may all falter and fail at times... but that is not a condemnation. We are all redeemable. Just repeat, "I am a good person. A caring person. I will do what a good, caring person would do." Write it down. Post it on your mirror or wall or write it in your diary/notepad. I believe it. You can, too.

[beatrixpotter1]

I am so glad that someone got honest enough to even post on a forum about how they have a problem with lying and stealing. I have almost 3 years sober and with all the trouble that lying, stealing, cheating, manipulating and on top of that having an addiction to psych meds and alcohol... I can't STOP FREAKIN LYING!! (I also "borrow" things which is my rational for stealing because I don't even want to admit that I am stealing.. so what do I do? I lie to myself! ) Lately my lies have been coming full circle to haunt me. I started having anxiety attacks after not experiencing one for a full year, I got a job and lied about why I didn't show up to work, I was treasurer for an AA group and stole money from the commitment, I got kicked out of my house 2 or 3 times by my parents and got so comfortable escaping to my boyfriends house that I started lying to him that I was getting kicked out every week just so I don't have to sleep alone. I even got so crazy at one point in the summer that I cheated on him with another guy who admitted he had a crush on me (I wasn't even attracted to anything but the fact that he wanted to sleep with me and that I didn't!! ) How did I soothe this burden? I lied to myself that he was kissing my neck but I wasn't kissing back. That he grabbed my *** and I didn't grab his, that he would tell me he wanted me and I told him "sorry Im in a relationship." Sorry doesn't cut it and it may sound like Im being very harsh on myself at this particular point in time but I LOVE MY MAN and I am so FREAKED OUT that I could do such a thing to him and it weighs VERY heavily on my conscious because even though I did finally pull out of that situation with the other guy, and no I didn't sleep with him, nor did I ever kiss him or even let him hold my hand, I did let that go on for a month. By the end of this summer my lies were keeping me awake or waking me up at odd hours of the morning. The life I worked so hard to put back together with honesty, integrity and most importantly sobriety got shoved aside by old behaviors stemming from self hatred and fear. I am tired of my behavior it has renewed doubt in my parents, which has been fueling many arguments, it has isolated me from my wonderful connection with my sponsor, put me at odds with my boyfriends family because they have been providing shelter, food, and even clothing at certain times under my false pretenses, and separated me from my AA friends because they all encourage me to do the right thing and in order to get them off my back I lie, come clean, and then get lectured.

THE ONLY PERSON I AM HURTING RIGHT NOW IS MYSELF...


And Im tired of hurting whether it be because Im using drugs and alcohol, feel guilty, or have emotional instability from time to time.

Someone please respond!! I am reaching out because I am in such a difficult period of my life and this time I don't want a quick fix I want someone to pour their heart out to me, identify, or soothe my pain shame and guilt about my behavior by offering me words of wisdom, personal experience (if they can identify) and good counsel on such a twisted and awful addiction.

[domi2704]

I have the same problem just forget the past, trow out everything the you stoled and start a new life.
If you want to tell a lie, just think... it will still come out... so its just better to tell the truth it will get you into less trouble then if you lied...

[ashsmiley]

Hey,

Let me tell you one thing, being in the security and defence sector, I have learnt that big organisations such as the Mafia all started stealing little thing such as sweets or even small amounts of money.

Think every time you are about to steal, ask yourself why you need this or why you need the money. Think of the consequences of someone catching you when you were staling. It would be embarrassing right? Think about how whatever you're stealing is going to benefit you? Technically, its not. No one is every going to trust you with anything no matter how hard you try to regain your trust. If they catch you and I'm speaking from first hand experience, you're going to have to lie your way out of trouble which is another wrong this to do.

Lying is natural. Humans lie to protect themselves or others. But lying for fun isn't a good idea because it will get you into all sorts of loop holes and you will regret it at the end.

I was your age at one point of my life, believe it or not and so were you're parents/brothers/sisters, whoever. They probably attempted thhe same 'crimes' as you did when they were you're age so they will know their way round stolen stuff and lies.

So if they already know all your tricks and techniques, why bother to steal in the first place? And if you do get caught, just tell them the truth. Tell them why you felt like you should do this and what it is that you deserve that you're not getting from them. When you lie and try to cover up something you've already done, matters tend to get worse. Lies lead to more lies and those lies will mae way for even more so in the end you will fall in your own trap and no one will ever trust you. They won't know what to believe.

Even if you just say, 'Oh yeah, I took the money for buying a pen or pencil? Whatever. Even if it was the truth, they will NOT trust you. That is just how the human brain works. Once an assumption, always an assumption. So try not to steal. I'm pretty sure you're not being starved or not being give a home to live in. They are different reasons.

I stole at one point because I wanted to pay for my train ticket to get to school. Train fares were getting so damn expensive that I felt so sorry for my parents when they have to buy me a ticket. We weren't exactly thhe richest people in the world and we had taken a lot of loans. Then there were bills, rent, loans, everything was piling on. I was confused, I didn't know how I could help.

Unfortunately, stealing seemed like the only thing to do at that time. I stole to pay for my train ticket at the very least. I stopped eating lunch so my mum didn't have to pay for that. Instead, I stole food, stealing again, from the school canteen. One day I was pretty sure I was going to be fonud out and I did. I was stealing money from the changing rooms where people had left all their bags when two people I knew very well walked in. Obviously, I had to keep my head on. I was extremely embarrassed and they knew I was stealing. So in my head I made up a huge lie. I told them I was searching for contraceptive pills for a friend. I told them she was raped. And because there were so many sluts in my school, I thought someone might have any. So I was just looking through some random person's bags to see if they have any. And they actually believed me, I think. I'm not sure but from the looks of it, they did. It became a lot more complicated after that. I was worried all the time that this is going to go around the school and my reputation will go downhill.

I couldn't risk it any more. I got a job and I started earning money LEGALLY.

Earning money legally will give you a sense of pride. It will give you a feeling that you've earned it through hard work and not benefited from someone else's. Once you start earning, you relise that money has a lot more meaning than just sweets or litter entertainers. People often become a lot more 'cunning' after they start earning. They realise that earning isn't easy and stop spending money on useless objects. It is in fact just a matter of time and patience. You've got to search for a job for yourself. Search for a job and earn money through hard work and then enjoy it. You may have stolen someone else's money which they earned from hard work and were probably going to enjoy with but unfortunately it DISAPPEARED!I wonder why...

Be sure to trust yourself though even if others don't trust you. Keep you heart and spirits up and smile kiddo:) Don't lose heart. We all make mistakes but we must learn from them. Don't keep repeating them or one day fate will put you on the same path as disaster. Until you both meet and you life falls apart. Before that happen, you have athe option to control it and protect you virtue. No one is perfect and they never will be but aim for perfection so you will have the will to live in this world.

It is worthwhile to remember that supernatural beliefs will not help you enforce a crime you will commit. You will only be able to believe in yourself once you feel that you are a good person inside and feel that you're satisfied with you're life. You are in charge here. You are in control. You hold the puppet strings, not me or some one else. Only you can help yourself. I can only guide you and show you the path. There aren't any shortcuts in life. You have to walk the full distance. You can't skip a step or rush through another. It all needs to come one after the other like body parts. You can't have eyes on you legs and you hair on your stomach. There is ann order for everything. The more you try to skip or move faster, the slower you get. Let everything fall into place rather than you trying to force it into place. You do in fact have a long way to go and a promising future ahead. Stealing will hinder your progress. Don't let that happen. Life is indeed a gift so use it, don't abuse it or will end up suffering the consequences.