[whiteladybug2002]

When did parenting become an option? When did it become socially acceptable for a parent or both parent to send their children away until they are "ready" to be parents? If they ever become ready? Sending your child from one person's house to another and then claiming to "LOVE" your child? BULLHORNS! That isn't Love! (I am not talking about having different babysitters for you to work) OR you send the child to grandma's or Auntie's for months or years?

I am not talking about parents that choose to place their child up for adoption! I admire the parents that have the love to put their child's best interest before their own selfish greed.

I say greed, because that is what it is! If you have a child and really don't want it unless it is convient... THAT IS SELFISH GREED! Put the child up for adoption! Let a family that truly wants a child to raise them and love! Instead, children end up in the foster system shifted from home to home with the hope that one day they will have a family. For most, that day never comes.

When did people start feeling sorry for the "Dad" that had three children by three different women, which he never sees by his own choice, because he had to pay child support? OH NO, he may have to accept responsibility?! We wouldn't want that... Come cry on my shoulder... lol... no!

OR

Pity the "Mom" that lost custody of her two children, because she has a drug/ alcohol problem? BOO WHOO!

It has become socially acceptable to be irresponsible, which truly upsets me at a very deep level!

My "Dad" fought for custody of me and won. Then he sent me to Grandma's house for the rest of my childhood days... I am very thankful for that though! My parents paid for NOTHING for me... NOTHING! Not even birthday or christmas gifts. But you better bet they are quick to run and brag... That is my girl, isn't she great! My parents gave me life and I am thankful, but that is all they gave me. Everyone they know find it acceptable that they had no hand in my upbringing. WHY?

I was lucky and had my Grandparents, but a lot of the kids today don't! I ache for these children and I want to know if you find it acceptable somehow? Why do we accept this from our friends and family? Can this be improved?

Are you an absent parent? Why?

Divorces are different. I know that all parents can't always be with their child when they want... that is sad too, but if you are trying you are a good parent!

[startover22]

I think you are great. I love the "no responsibility" anger and worry in your post. Parents anr supposed to be parents... That is pretty much what needs to be said.

[vlee]

I wish I had an answer for that one... I was the child of an absentee daddy and my mom worked round the clock. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. My loser dad never spent a dime on me, but even more so, lived near by all my life and never took any time with me. I knew who he was by name, never saw him though. He called on my 13th b-day to talk, and I told my mother to tell him I said F-you. He died last year at almost 60 years old. I never met him.
All I know is that after the hell he put me and my mom through, I am glad I learned something from it. I learned to cherish my kids, even when they are bratty and mean. It means the world to me that my children have their parents in their lives. I even feel that way about my ex and our daughter. She is lucky to have two parents who love her and want to be with her, no matter how hard it is for us as adults to get along.

But I don't think this lack of responsibility is solely a concern for parents anymore... younger people seem to be a lot less responsible these days. It's like a lot of them feel the world owes it to them to take care of them, and they are somehow more important than anyone else. Let's compare some things:

When I was 16 I got a job after school, saved money, paid for my own car and insurance.
The average 16 year old may work, but often mom and dad buy them a car.

I took out loans to go to college.
Many parents are now taking out the loans, or paying the tuition.

When I was a kid, you didn't dare disrespect an adult, because your mom would whip your butt.
Kids have no fear of anyone, as parent's don't enforce discipline.

I'm sure I could go on, but I think you see my point... kids are being raised spoiled, needy, and without consequences, so it's only natural that when they reach "adulthood" they carry on this immature behavior and it spills into everything they do, including having kids.

[whiteladybug2002]

Vlee, that is all true!! Kids don't have to work and can be irresponsible forever, so why grow up if mom & dad will raise your child?

At least we both learned from our parents mistakes and maybe we are better parents because of that?

[NeedKarma]

You should also continue your rant with the high divorce rate. People are bailing out on a whim.

By the way, who sends their children away until they are ready to be a parent? I haven't heard of this.

[vlee]

I know plenty of people whose parents essentially raise their children, though without having legal custody. It is sort of sad. The kids develop these bonds with the grandparents instead of parents, then the parents get a few years older and decide they are in charge now, and the kids are confused. It is a real mess. I think part of the problem with parents not being strong disciplinarians comes from the whole "keeping up with the joneses" mentality. People are so wrapped up with being able to give their kids what their neighbors and friends give theirs... It just changes the entire parent/child dynamic. Children don't "earn" things. They are handed them because Sally got one, or Tommy is getting one for his birthday, etc... I know I am sounding off quite a bit, but it honestly irks me when my daughter whines how she has to have something because someone else does. Maybe I am too tough sometimes, but my kids work for the "extras". The excuse that someone else got it isn't going to suck me in.

[robertsqueen]

I am so glad that you brought this topic up. It is very important to raise your chidren. Not only that but it give you two a bond. I can't stand parents that feel sorry for themselves beucase they choose something over their own child. I can't imagine giving up my bailybop. I don't understand how giving their love is giving them away until they are ready to deal with the consequences. There should be a test that people have to take before they get the privilege and right to have a child.

[vlee]

I couldn't imagine missing out on part of my kids' childhoods. I guess if you had never raised a child you wouldn't really know what you were missing, but you sure would miss a lot. What is better than a toddler with a scraped knee who feels better just by receiving a kiss and a hug? What is more exciting than watching your child walk to you for the first time? The ten-thousandth time? There are so many special little moments that go into making the bond you build with them. Like taking the training wheels off a bike, making a pizza together, having a water balloon fight. All these simple little things that would seem so unimportant sometimes, yet when you tally them up, you know what kind of parent you really are.

[robertsqueen]

Or when they learn to give kisses to you. Or when they tell you owie and point to the wound for you to kiss. Those are all things that make my day, without my son I woudn't be who I am today.

[vlee]

Isn't amazing too how someone so small can make you feel so important? They look up at you like you must know everything in the world. They imitate your actions and words at every turn. It's amazingly sweet. (Until they begin to see that you really don't know quite everything.. ) The goal of parenting is simply to raise a child to become an adult who does not need you, but sure wants to be around you. And along the way there are millions of perks for child and parent.

[vlee]

Non-removable chastity belts... they don't come off until you and your partner pass a parenting test...

[whiteladybug2002]

I always wanted to be a mother. I didn't plan to be one so early, 17, but I still loved it. I used to make up excuses for my mother not being in my life, the must frequently used was... She was only 17 yrs old when I was born. But then, when I became a mother at 17, I seen it is hard, but not hard enough to run away from.

Poops, fevers, tooth aches, gas, spit ups, etc was all worrisome and pain staking. She kept me up for hours in the night and when she didn't wake me up, I woke up and laid my hand on her chest to make sure she was breathing. Once she was bit by a spider playing in the floor, I got a jar & caught the spider, jumped in my car and drove 80 + mpg with my flashers on to the ER.

While I was doing all that, my friends were out running around. I had no friends. They had no interest in hanging around a baby.

Then I realized, my mom was 17 when she left me, but I was a 17 yr old mom too and I am still here! She left because she was selfish, not because she was just young! Age is not an excuse to NOT be a parent!

There was and is too much to miss if I was to claim the too young aproach at parenting. I love being a mom! It doesn't pay cash, but it pays better than any job I have ever or will ever have!! I get bonuses everyday being a mom!!

[whiteladybug2002]

Chasity belts... haha... GOOD ONE!!

[vlee]

Being a parent is so difficult. You go from being the number one person in the world to knowing you will never be #1 to yourself again. It is frightening and tough, and that is why so many people give up without really trying. It takes effort and commitment for an undefined eternity. Those who walk away from it will never test their strengths or weaknesses. Those who choose to embrace it will never question such things.

[whiteladybug2002]

I think that as a "real" parent, we make the best choices with the information that we have and pray for a good out come. Our lives aren't "perfect," but we are there to help with it's imperfections!

I think that weak, absent parents, see a problem and run or brush that off to someone else. Usually children isn't the only thing they neglect either; home, car, bills, job, etc are usually not taken care of either.

[wonderwoman2007]

Um, calm down.

Maybe they do love their child but want to sort themselves out to give it a better more stable home?

I suggest you don't talk rubbish about stuff you hardly even know about.

[whiteladybug2002]

Rubbish I don't know about??

Honey, I know too much about worthless parents! And I know how hard it is to be one in hard times.

I know what it is like to be a teen mom with no money, no job, and no help. My life wasn't perfect then or now, but I am and have always been there for my children!

Leave your children to get your life straight such as... rehab, school, or job, for just a short period, but coming back to dedicate your life to your children is one thing. But leaving your children and telling them and everyone else that you love them, for you to do crack or because you have a new man/girl is crap, not love!!

[whiteladybug2002]

By the way, both my parents are trying to make a more stable home for me. I'm 28 and they are no where close!

[MicheleEB]

I have to say I agree with you completely. My ex husband got custody of our boys when we split because I was in the military at the time, and if I had to be deployed I didn't think it would be fair to have the kids sent all over the place. (of course there is a lot more to this story!) But he basically took off with them while I was gone on a training mission and has not lived in the same state for more than 6 months, and I have been out for years now. I am trying so hard just to be able to find my boys and see them again, and there are people out there that use their kids, and as you say... only when it is convinient to them. SHAME ON THEM.
As far as the woman who loses her children due to drugs... again Waaaaaahhhhh.

(Umm just to be clear I agree with Whiteladybug)