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sonicar · Apr 25, 2007, 05:46 PM

:( My husband and I have been married for 17 years. In December he started having an affair with a co-worker 21 years his junior. I immediately noticed a changed in him and inquired rather he was having an affair, of course he denied. Well later I found a text message from her on his work cell phone, a receipt where he had purchased Viagara. I immediately ask him to leave. We are currently in marriage counseling for the past 3 weeks to help him communicate with me about the affair which he cannot bring his self to actually say out loud. I do believe this is the first time my husband has had an affair and it devastated me and my children. He says I am the only woman he has ever loved yet he has said some cruel thing to me in the past few months almost as if I were the one to have had the affair. He seems to feel as if we never talk about it it will go away but it has only gotten worse. Our counselor told by not talking about it will only fester and get worse like a cancer. I have accepted many things from him during our marriage, him not sharing money, his lack of communication, his erectile dysfunction( I have never denied him sex, but he has denied me because of his inability to last more than a minute) I ask him to try viagara but he never did. Yet he went on it for her. He has been back in our home for 2 months now. He sleeps on the floor in our living room while I sleep in our bedroom. This was his choosing. The women he had the affair with has for the last month been calling the house and my cell phone. She has not really said much but mainly just letting me know she exist. I just do not know rather our marriage is worth it anymore. What do you think? Why can't he tell the whole truth?:(

Krs · Apr 26, 2007, 12:14 AM

What do you wish to achieve here?
Do you want to let him go and start afreash you and your kids alone?
OR
Give him another chance?

NowWhat · Apr 26, 2007, 07:27 AM

First, I would have to set the little witch straight. There is no way that I would let her throw it in my face.
Second, you need to decide what you want to do. I do not think you can go forward until you have FULL disclosure. It will kill you to hear - but when you are left to your imagination - that is worse.
You can not start to heal when (by not talking about it) the wound is constantly reopened. By not talking at all - it shows you that he is not willing to do EVERYTHING needed to move forward - so you are stuck.

I have been in your shoes - not a fun place to be. I had to know everything and it hurt, but we are working it out. I actually reached out to the other woman and let her know she needed to back off. I think I scared her - which made me smile, because if you are going to be arrogant enough to mess with a married man - you better know that the wife is just around the corner and pray she isn't crazy!

talaniman · Apr 26, 2007, 07:44 AM

First off stop the calls from the witch on the side and to be honest tell your husband that if he can't stop it he needs to go.
Your counselor is absolutely right about talking this out, and if he can't, then he has to go.
You cannot be the only one working to save this relationship. If there is no communication, then there is no relationship.