[jstcurious]

My ex (an alcoholic and recreational drug user) wants to take my 5 yr old son to his hometown of virginia for 4 days. Every time my ex visits there, he gets high and binges on alcohol, cocaine, and meth. I will only consider him taking my son if he agrees to a drug and alcohol test as soon as he returns home. What kinds should I have him take? What is the best way to do this accurately and completely?

[talaniman]

A blood test or a hair folicle tests are the best to accurately tell the amount of drugs and what kind is in the body. They are expensive though.

[J_9]

Urine test would most likely work, however it won't detect alcohol after about 48 hours. However a blood test would be your best bet as certain drugs will not be out of his system in 4 days.

To be completely accurate though he would need a hair follicle test. This will test back for months and months.

However, with this track record I personally would put my foot down and say no, my child cannot go.

If you plan on doing this though, you need to do it immediately upon their return. These drugs can go through the urine and blood rather quickly. The only one that remains for any length of time is marijuana.

[Fr_Chuck]

I also agree with a record like that I just would not let the child go.

But if you do, have it arranged with a local doctor to do the test when he returns. But of course after he gets back and refuses to take the test or when he gets back he fails it is a bad time to find out.

[Bluerose]

Fr_Chuck,

"I also agree with a record like that I just would not let the child go."

I sooooooooo agree.

(Sorry had to spread it.)

[J_9]

Jstcurious,

Please read this again...

However, with this track record I personally would put my foot down and say no, my child cannot go.

However, after reading your other question, I am wondering how bad the blood really is between you too.

Are he and his family quite the monsters you make them out to be?

[Bluerose]

Okay. Now having read both posts (thanks to J_9) I understand your concerns for your child but if a court has granted visitations then you need to abide by that. There are other ways in which you can insure your son's safety.. Try to get a little closer to the ex's family. Surely there are one or two responsible adults within that family that you can trust to keep your son safe while he visits. Try to work things out with your ex and don't use the child, you will grow to regret this as the child gets older.

[isabelle]

Maybe he should submit to the test before your child leaves?
Even with a court order I am sure a judge will see your concern and will themselves be concerned.
I would not allow him to go. Once your child is gone all the good intentions in the world may not get him back.