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    mary1001's Avatar
    mary1001 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Sep 5, 2019, 08:11 AM
    Hi I would like some input if you can. This is my story

    I'm from the Usa and I was dating a guy in Italy years ago and we broke up because we lived to far and our families lets just say didn't approve and some did anyway I have thought about him in the past and we have been in contact and he would sometimes text me and I wouldn't answer him. I guess it was to hard for me sometimes. I saw him a month ago in Italy when I went and cannot stopping thinking about him and he feels the same way. Problem is we still cant be together because he is now not available etc. WE talk and text and he tells me he feels the same way. When I saw him I realized I was in denial of my feeling for him years back. I was in love with him at that time and am in love with him now. Its so hard when two love each other and cant be together. HAs anybody been in this position??
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,172, Reputation: 10852

    Sep 5, 2019, 08:54 AM
    A few times way back when, but accepting the reality that the love is unsustainable and unavailable in a healthy way then you can focus on HEALING and not that unhealthy love. Leave him alone and get away from that contact mushy stuff that leads you to nowhere and get healthy enough to deal with YOUR reality.

    In a healthy love both people come up with a plan to be together, and over the years you have no plan just words and feelings. Stop the contact and deal with the feelings through getting healthy. The healing is the feeling that allows for a healthy plan and while it's much easier said than done, it's healthier for you.

    I mean do you really see a point in keeping alive a love feeling you will NEVER have returned in life, and not just words? Okay why is he not AVAILABLE? The distance? The family? Or another love option? Either way his feeling the same as you is just words without a plan or effort to be with you.

    How old are you two anyway?
    mary1001's Avatar
    mary1001 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Sep 5, 2019, 09:28 AM
    I know I try to forget him we are both 40 and he married etc and we live in a different country.. we both regret not ending up together..
    Garimma's Avatar
    Garimma Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Sep 8, 2019, 09:02 AM
    Inspite of him being married, if he still loves you then he's doing wrong to his wife as well as to himself. His wife must be unaware about his feelings towards you and she might feel cheated. I think if you both really love each other then you guys should get together despite every thing, because finding your love and perfect match is not easy. And if you've find your match in him then don't let it slip by you.
    Whatever decision you undertake i hope it works out for the best of you both. All the best to you. .
    mary1001's Avatar
    mary1001 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Sep 8, 2019, 06:16 PM
    thank you very much
    Vacuum7's Avatar
    Vacuum7 Posts: 47, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member

    Sep 8, 2019, 07:29 PM
    Mary: Talaniman gave you some very good advice....Pursuing something like this is not healthy....He's married and that means he would be cheating and you would be part of that effort: Could you trust a man who would cheat on his wife to be with you? I had a woman come after me after I got married and she wouldn't take no for an answer: I finally was able to sit her down and explain to her, chapter and verse, why what she was doing was not going to work out and that I was happily married and wasn't about to cheat on my got through to her, eventually: These things are infatuations that WILL PASS....and you will be better off once they are gone!

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