[jeremy4719]

I'm curious what most people think a good amount of sex is for a 29 year old male and 24 year old female?

I currently (in a bad lull) am only having sex with my fiancé 1 time per week... At one point it was 3-4 times a week... I think a healthy relationship needs ADEQUATE sex 3+ times a week to survive... Thoughts?

[Krs]

Well I would agree yes that 3+ times a week is healthy, however if you are only having sex once a week it still shouldn't put a burden on your relationship.

Have you discused why she is not so much in the mood these days?

[phoenix1664]

I don't think there is a health amout of sex in a relationship it just depends on the people I mean its not exactly the most important thing really is it?

I admint ye a few times a week is better but its not a must.

[Bluerose]

Early on, sex is pretty important but as the relationship grows other aspects of it may become more important.. Perhaps that is where your girlfriend is now. Maybe it's time to take the relationship to another level.

[Tuscany]

Sex is important in relationships. But in order to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life all other aspects of your relationship need to be healthy as well. Are you communicating with your girlfriend? Are you spending time together doing things just the two of you? Does she feel close to you outside of the bedroom? I know for women this all plays a roll in how sexual they feel. Please talk to her, it might be something as simple as she is tired.

[jeremy4719]

Blue rose... You obviously know little about us men... We need sex of some sort on a somewhat regular basis... You have no idea what is like having someone you want to express passion towards in a fullfilling release and not be able to... No man would ever stay with a woman without fullfillment of this sort...

I know she is tired from working so much, I try to be understanding... I think that once we have more time for each other (when she is working less) then the communication, love, and low sex life will return... I'm being optimistic still, which I think is good...

[Ash123]

All that matters is if you are happy.

Are you feeling rejected?

A decrease in sex is NORMAL. A lot of couples after marriage or engagement find that's the case, BUT over time you find a way to see what works.

The NUMBER is IRRELEVANT... Love is not a scorecard :-)
Honestly, if you said you had sex once a year and were both happy, I'd say more power to you... But if you are feeling anxious or ignored talk to her.

Communication and sex go hand in hand.

[Bluerose]

Jeremy,

I know nothing about men apart from having two brothers, being married for twenty years, and bringing up two sons. Seriously, that's it. So you are probably correct in your assumption.

But I was commenting more from your girlfriends perspective, that perhaps she was looking for more than just sex. Because there is more to sex than just sex. And if you fail to realise that, you are going to lose her.

[Fr_Chuck]

I will go with Rose, first normal and healthy is what is right or great for you, if stress, work scheldues and the such make it hard to find time and get together once a month may be great and healthy.

If you are setting demands for it, then it is just not healthy to start with.
Healthy is what it is, when it happens and when it is great for both parties.

You may find you will go months without it at all, when one or the other is sick or unable to have sex. I know many couples because of health issues have had to go over a year at a time. So for them no sex was healthy for them at that time.

A relationship can be very healthy without sex if both partners are loving and caring and are there emotionally for each other.

For many couples 3 times a week would just be too much, for others every day is normal for them. So normally what amount you end up doing is what is right and healthy for you

I beleve you may have some really unrealistic ideas, goals and think there are numbers you should be demanding, This is not how it works in real married life, And throw in a baby down the road and you will see that number go down real fast.

[vlee]

You need to find ways to get her in the mood. If you're both stressing and working a lot then there is little time for what most women would consider any sort of romance. (Notice I said romance, not foreplay!) Romance isn't always a candle lit dinner outside or anything difficult to muster. Romance can be snuggling up together for a movie with a bottle of wine. Here is the deal, when a woman is first with someone she is into sex as much as he is (usually). But as time passes she is looking for a deeper relationship, something that goes far beyond the boundaries of the bedroom. If you don't make an effort to communicate and express ideas and fail to learn more about her, she will lose interest. Women need an intimate emotional relationship to maintain the desire for the sexual aspect of it. You have to take the time to get her mind off work and family and friends, etc... Try it out. It can't hurt, right?

[Bluerose]

Skell, Fr_Chuck, (love the get married story lol), Krs,

Thank you for the support. Some of you will know about my guy being army and away a lot, then when he got hurt in Ireland and spent almost a year in an army rehabilitation centre - sex was the last thing on either of our minds.

[louie1]

Tis not the quantity but the quality!

[talaniman]

If how much sex you get in a relationship is important then your on the wrong track. A healthy relationship calls for a lot more than sex as other areas need to be maintained also. For one make sure you are sensitive to and meet her needs outside of the bedroom. Can you cook, clean and iron? Can you make her feel good with words, and actions that turn her on without sex? In a healthy relationship, it takes more than sex to keep a partner satisfied.

[startover22]

I am one of those women who are not in the mood all the time. My husband is. I have rejected him something awful. I have hurt him, neglected him and stained our relationship. Not only does making love or just plain sex, give a man a boost like nothing in this world, it also relieves stress. Communication is huge, and again I am not a talker, but my husband is. What I am trying to say is that for years and years my husband and I communicated badly about this subject, I knew how he felt but couldn't get on with the problem solver. She needs to get closer to you, if she likes all the romantic stuff then go for it, if you think it might just take a few whispers or sweet phone calls, then do that. Do what you have to. Just to add when I finally figured out what to do for my husband, our relationship is so much better, I feel wonderful and beautiful, and he feels like a MAN! If you aren't feeling like a man, you should be if there is a way. Don't go too long to take care of this. I want you to be happy! I agree with Chuck and VLEE up above. Don't put her down or push it. Take it slow with her and love her.

[Ash123]

Honestly, the simple answer is this: Communicate.
Really.

All the things you say here, you should say to her.
It will get worse if you wait and make other things worse...
Go for it. I'm rooting for you!

[jeremy4719]

Update:

We had a long talk (I initiated)... I told her what was bothering me (not only sex)... I told her about how we needed to make each other happy, let our guard down, communicate, trust, and have a good sex life... I stressed (nicely but seriously) that we need to have these and many more things to continue our wonderful life that I want together... She agreed and we are both going to work on things together... She plans on making extra effort to make me happy, as she knows I go out of my way for her... I love this woman deeply, so this is why I try so hard to make it all work...

I apologize if I sounded rude earlier, but I am going from my experience for the last 10-15 years of dating and serious relationships... All relationships are different... But one thing that a lot of women (not being mean or sexist here) don't understand is that a man can absolutely LOVE his woman, but if she doesn't fulfill his needs then he won't be happy... Kind of like how you all need that shiny jewelry or those new shoes haha... Point being, we all have needs and if they aren't met (right or wrong) then things don't work... Relationships are about togetherness and they are about making each other happy in every way possible... Those that don't realize this are the ones that fail...

[talaniman]

Don't forget you have to make her happy also. It's a learning process for both partners.

[jeremy4719]

"She plans on making extra effort to make me happy, as she knows I go out of my way for her... " - from above...


I do everything I can for her... Call, flowers, bring her lunch/dinner sometimes, treat her to nice restaurants, look into her eyes with a romantic smile, kiss her on the forehead, hold her just because, tell her I love her, just a few things hehehe...

[Bluerose]

jeremy,

I can tell you are trying so here is a little something to consider.

The Power Of A Good Relationship


The Power of Thought

Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and others. If we want to love someone, we need to consider their needs and desires. Thinking about your ideal partner will help you recognize him or her when you meet him or her.


The Power of Respect

You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect ask yourself: "What do I respect about myself?" To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself: "What do I respect about them?"


The Power of Giving

If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. Before committing to a relationship ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what will you be able to give them. The secret formula of a happy, lifelong, loving relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of what you can take.


The Power of Friendship

To find a true love, you must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into each other's eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love them for who they are, not what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love's seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.


The Power of Touch

Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.


The Power of Letting Go

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't it never was." Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts, and grievances. Love means letting go of our fears, prejudices, egos and conditions. "Today I let go of all my fears, the past has no power over me-today is the beginning of a new life."


The Power of Communication

When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic words: "I Love You." Never let an opportunity pass to praise someone. Always leave someone you love with a loving word - it could be the last time you see them. If you were about to die but could make telephone calls to the people you loved, who would you call, what would you say and. .. why are you waiting?


The Power of Commitment

If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong one.


The Power of Passion

Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone, it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. Passion can be recreated by recreating past experiences when you felt passionate. Spontaneity and surprises produce passion. The essence of love and happiness are the same; all we need to do is to live each day with passion.


The Power of Trust

Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feels trapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you trust them completely. Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. One of the ways you can tell whether a person is right for you is to ask yourself: "Do I trust them completely and unreservedly?" If the answer is "no", then you must think very carefully before you make any type of a commitment.

[Bluerose]

Just one more and then I'll leave you in peace. lol


The Gifts That Cost Nothing

The Gift Of Listening ~ Talk less and listen more. Really listen. No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your response. Just listening.

The Gift Of Affection ~ Give first take later. Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, pats on the back and hand holding. Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and friends.

The Gift Of Laughter ~ Laughter really is the best medicine. Clip cartoons. Share articles and funny stories. Your gift will say, 'I love to laugh with you'.

The Gift Of Words On Paper ~ Feel it? Put it in writing. It can be a simple 'Thank You' note or a six page letter. A brief, handwritten note may be remembered for a lifetime, and may even change a life.

The Gift Of A Compliment ~ A simple and sincere, 'You look great in red', or 'You did a super job' or 'That was a wonderful meal' can make someone's day.

The Gift Of A Favour ~ Life is easier with a little help from a friend. Every day, go out of your way to do something kind for someone, even a stranger.

The Gift Of Solitude ~ Everyone need some time with themselves. There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone. Be sensitive to those times and give the gift of solitude to others.

The Gift Of A Cheerful Disposition ~ Living in this world can be hard, harder for some than others. Don't add to other people's problems. Helping others to feel a little better helps you feel better too.