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    superstar18's Avatar
    superstar18 Posts: 380, Reputation: 5
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    #1

    May 6, 2018, 07:51 PM
    Relationship help
    So I feel really guilty for talking to this other guy while I'm in a relationship. Haven't done anything like cheating though. I have a little crush on this guy. My boyfriend doesn't give me the attention I want. He's too busy playing his card game all the time. I sit in his room and everyday he's playing his cards. He doesn't like to do anything with me because everything is so "expensive". I feel like I'm stuck and whenever I try to talk to him about it he either raises his voice at me and can't actually talk about it. This other guy though we have the same interests it looks like and it's nice to actually get the attention I want. I'm tired of doing the same stuff over and over again. I'm just super bored in our relationship and he does nothing to make me feel special. There is no Sparks anymore like there used to be. I don't know how to express my feelings to him and apart of me wants to stay with him because we have been together for awhile now, but then another part of me is like I could be doing a lot more things in my life. Does anyone have any advice on this and is it bad to think that way. I just feel like a bad person even though I haven't done anything.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,052, Reputation: 10852
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    #2

    May 7, 2018, 03:42 AM
    Relationship can be fun and easy in the beginning, but when they start to fizzle, fade, and turn bad it's hard to let go. Dump the guy and move on. Then you can explore, and experiment and bring the joy back in your life without him. We all have to overcome our own feelings and do what's best for us. He is making it easier by not talking, and raising his voice, and ignoring you, all of which are unacceptable and is in no way love.

    Do the right thing for yourself before it gets worse, and you justify cheating on him. Taking care of yourself isn't being a bad person at all if you are honest about it.
    MarieAbend's Avatar
    MarieAbend Posts: 6, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    May 7, 2018, 05:00 AM
    I think you should break up with your boyfriend. Even if you don't start a new relationship with the other boy. If you don't get on with your boyfriend, than no one will be happy.

    I hope you are doing well!
    superstar18's Avatar
    superstar18 Posts: 380, Reputation: 5
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    #4

    May 7, 2018, 06:48 AM
    Thank you guys for your advice! It's just hard because I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. I don't know why I kept continuing what was going on. I guess I was just feeling content and I feel like I'm stuck. I do care for him and I do love him but it's not like the love I used to have for him. I just don't know how to bring this up to him without him lashing out at me. I tend to keep things in because I don't like confrontation and that's my problem. I don't feel happy anymore.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,273, Reputation: 5644
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    #5

    May 7, 2018, 07:30 AM
    Where do you want to be in 5 years? What are your goals in life? Do you want to own a home? Do you want children? Do you want to travel? Where do you see yourself then? In five years.

    Youíve been with him for 4 years. Has anything changed? Have you advanced your education? Saved money for that perfect car or house?

    I donít see you achieving any of that with him. Do you?
    superstar18's Avatar
    superstar18 Posts: 380, Reputation: 5
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    #6

    May 7, 2018, 12:26 PM
    Well I see myself getting married by the time I'm in my 30s and having two kids. He always says marriage is overrated and that there are too many people on the planet to even think about kids but if he had to he would have one. We are both saving up to get a house that's why he is so stingy on money. But I feel like our relationship is not growing. I'm always the one to initiate things to do and if I don't then we wouldn't do anything. I feel like I put in more effort than he does. The only problem is that he would probably say why bring this up now. I know I should talk to him now about this but I'm not really good at communicating my needs and wants with him.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,273, Reputation: 5644
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    #7

    May 8, 2018, 07:34 AM
    You are going to do what you want to do, no matter how we advise you. I just want you to think long and hard about this. Is this the forever life you want? If you stay with him I guarantee you will be stuck in the same rut.

    If if you want out you simply tell him that you donít see a happy and fulfilling future with him.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #8

    May 8, 2018, 08:55 AM
    Well no better time than here and know to work on those communication skills.

    Seriously, I don't see this guy getting married by his 30's, or even his 40's most likely.

    If you don't speak up, I see you both in your 40's, no kids, still living together until he has a mid life crisis and runs off with a 20 something leaving you there alone.

    Its your life... you can either get behind the wheel and have some say where you are going, or go along for the ride when someone else does.

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