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    heartyangelgirl's Avatar
    heartyangelgirl Posts: 14, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Nov 4, 2017, 01:30 PM
    I wish my relationship was perfect and I want to be the best woman I can possibly be?
    I have been in a relationship with a guy for over 4 years (we're in a long distance relationship at the moment) and at first I felt over the moon to have finally found love but now I find myself despairing over how imperfect it seems. My boyfriend, while he tells me every day how much he loves me, doesn't strike me as the romantic type. I met him at university and was 19 when we started dating and he was 18. We both discovered our love for classic geeky stuff like Star Wars, Marvel Comics and a lot more and he would often buy me little presents relating to our interests and while they were nice gifts to get around that age, I'm 24 now and wish that my presents would be a little more meaningful and special and romantic in nature, like a box of chocolates, a bouquet or something, but I never get things like that. However, it's not so much the kind of presents I receive that gets to me the most, he's not really the type to show people how much I mean to him and how special I am to him in real life and on social media where my anxiety and doubts about my relationship are further exacerbated by couples who show each other off and write heartfelt messages about each other followed up with comments from people who tell them how inspirational they are and how much hope they give them for finding love and happiness in the world and so on. It's led me to think that I can't be anyone that special or beautiful if nothing about me inspires him to write messages about me for no other reason than that I have rocked his world and changed it in such a positive way or something. Call it jealousy or whatever you will, but it doesn't change how unremarkable or average I feel in comparison to the women and men who have a special place in the Instagram limelight. To add to this, I used to always post pictures of moments when my boyfriend and I did get to be with each other, in spite of our long distance relationship, believing that if others could succeed in inspiring people with updates on their relationship then so could I, but then I gave up eventually when my comment feed was always left blank and people started unfollowing me. To me, it feels so hypocritical how people get so wrapped up in the lives of a select few Instagram couples but have no regard for others trying so hard to make their relationship known to the world, deciding to unfollow certain people who post the slightest thing related to their relationship while staying loyal to and singing the praises of, as I mentioned, those select few, if anyone understands where I'm coming from? I just want my relationship to be as perfect as it can possibly be, so that I can do two things; be the best romantic partner in the world and grow as a person in my personal life and to also spark people's inspiration and give them hope that true love can be found and that I can be one of many women in the world to be a symbol of that ability.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #2

    Nov 4, 2017, 01:49 PM
    Wow! So unless people are following you and commenting on your perfect love, it's not good enough?

    You do realize that all those perfect couples on Facebook and instagram, are lying through their teeth, right? There's no such thing as a perfect relationship, those only exist in the movies and books.

    Stop focusing so much on how your relationship looks to the public, and enjoy the relationship in private. Trust me, no one finds fake love stories inspirational, most times they just laugh at those picture perfect couples because they know it's not all perfect and those people are glossing it over to make it look good to the outside world. If you knew those people in real life you'd see it's not as perfect as they're pretending it is.

    If you aren't happy with your boyfriend than talk to him about the issues you're having, but if Facebook and instagram are the major reasons you're not happy, I'd say dump him, because it sounds like those superficial things don't matter to him, and he'd much rather just have a real relationship. If you can't give him that, let him find someone who can, and go look for that instagram/facebook king of posts that you want.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,890, Reputation: 5430
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    #3

    Nov 4, 2017, 02:03 PM
    What Alty said -- and get involved in and enjoy a RL relationship without the online phoniness.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #4

    Nov 4, 2017, 06:09 PM
    I had the most romantic man years ago... I wasn't very romantic at all.
    Guess who dumped whom after 13 years? He dumped me.

    Romance FADES as it should. It is replaced with real love. That means trust, caring, sharing, compromising, and supporting each other in times of trouble.
    It has NOTHING to do with Instagram followers (unless you are 14).
    Good grief.
    Funny how you say not one single word about the reasons you like him, or love him, or both.... just how he treats you.

    There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.
    Be the best PERSON you can be, for yourself. You need yourself. You need to have a real, interesting, complete self for the times when you are alone.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,214, Reputation: 10853
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    #5

    Nov 5, 2017, 08:24 AM
    Be grateful for what you have and enjoy it for what it is and try your best to make it better, In this way MAYBE you stop comparing yourself to strangers you see online, and fill yourself with all this envy and jealousy of what you THINK they have.

    Get off the social media, and get some fresh air, and sunshine, and make some real friends. Bet you find your true happiness.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #6

    Nov 5, 2017, 08:30 PM
    Perfect only exists in someone's fantasy.

    Fantasies aren't real.

    "Long distance relationships" unless your actual Spouse went away for work temporarily.. what its is , is a fantasy relationship. All they are is a pen pal.

    Get a real relationship with a real person you can actually go out to dinner, a movie, or on a walk with. Join the real world. You perspectives might change to something real, if you have an actual real relationship.. and not a pretend one with someone you almost certainly will never see or be with.

    Sorry to be so blunt, but damn..how much of a loser does someone have to be to NOT be able to date someone local to them? Seriously, get out of your room, and off the computer and go out and meet real people.
    heartyangelgirl's Avatar
    heartyangelgirl Posts: 14, Reputation: 2
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    #7

    Nov 6, 2017, 04:08 PM
    For your information, I met my guy in person at university and we spent a couple of years together in real time and only after certain circumstances did we go long distance. That makes me a loser, does it? If I were you, I wouldn't assume you know what's going on nor judge the way our relationship is. Also, here's a dollar. Now go and spend it on some manners. Lol

    For your information, I met my guy in person at university and we spent a couple of years together in real time and only after certain circumstances did we go long distance. That makes me a loser, does it? If I were you, I wouldn't assume you know what's going on nor judge the way our relationship is. Also, here's a dollar. Now go and spend it on some manners. Lol
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #8

    Nov 6, 2017, 04:20 PM
    Touchy I see... so what is your excuse for not dating someone you can actually go out with right now... next week, next month? Gee.. I wasn't born yesterday and I know you way better than you can even imagine. Grow up.. grow some thicker skin, you came to a public site and asked for advice from the public, and most of us know WAY more than you do about relationships.

    So.. how many years are you going to waste on a fake relationship with someone you might not ever see again? What are you going to do if he wakes up and finds someone local to him? What if he ALREADY found someone local to him? Yeah in your youth, you think you have ALL the time in the world... you have no concept of how fast it goes by, or how much harder it gets to find someone that's actually available and without baggage the older you get, because all your friends are dating people near them and will eventually be marrying them, while... you set at home on your computer... getting older, not having any dates. That's reality... you don't have to like it.. but that's how the world operates. You don't get to make the rules... but if you want to waste years of your life... no skin off our back... just remember you are where you are because YOU wanted to be here... and got cranky when someone else didn't agree with you. YOU can wait until you are 30, 40 or more and have to settle for someone nobody else wanted...or divorced for whatever reason...maybe even with kids from that previous marriage.


    Or you can continue to dream......your choice. YOU wanted advice, YOU got GOOD advice...it just wasn't what YOU wanted to hear.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #9

    Nov 6, 2017, 05:24 PM
    I mean only to help you by telling you that your vision of love and romance is rather immature. If you want a man to constantly go on parade to prove he loves you, you are going to end up with someone who is all show and no substance. When you are yourself ready for love, you will not feel any need for your partner to prove how much he loves you to impress other people and will definitely not want your relationship all over social media. You are looking for someone who plays a good game in romance, not someone who lives a good life as a genuine partner.

    You seem to want to star in a romance novel rather than to put in the effort to develop a meaningful and personal - not to mention private - relationship with a good man.

    To be in a relationship with someone of your particular outlook is to be asked to empty the ocean with a spoon. It will never be enough because you want a show that never ends and there must be an audience. I suppose it's best if the flowers are delivered to your work or in front of your roommate or family so they "mean more" because other people know about it. Telling you he loves you is OK, but saying it via Facebook so everyone else can read it means more.

    One day you will mature and realize that the way he treats you when you are alone is the real deal. If he's rude to you in front of others, that's a different story. If he tells you his true feelings in private though, it's because he's a grown up and that's the appropriate way to do it.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #10

    Nov 6, 2017, 05:53 PM
    dontknownuthin, very very very well said. You hit it right on the nose. Excellent advice.

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