[anon03881]

I [23F] have been dating my boyfriend [26M] for around 1 year now. He is very nice to me. However, as I slowly got to know him more, I've realized that he is very stubborn and naïve, and trusts people too much. He believes everyone is a good person, and won't hurt or take advantage of him.






For example:






1. My boyfriend constantly leaves money exposed in his car. When I tell him to put the money away or hide it, he says that no one would break into his car to steal a few bucks. I always have to be the one that puts his money away.




2. Around 1 year ago, my boyfriend wanted to rent a place for school. He only looked at one place to rent. That was the place my boyfriend then rented. And lo and behold, my boyfriend ran into a lot of problems with the landlord (e.g. the landlord would eavesdrop on when my boyfriend used water, electricity, be home, etc.).




3. When my boyfriend uses credit card machines, or the ATM, he never covers his password. He believes people are trusting and won't try to steal his password and other credit card info. I told him countries times to cover his password. He often says "yea, yea, yea" and then doesn't cover his password the next time he uses a credit card machine, or the ATM; or he tells me to "stop being so paranoid, and untrusting of people".




4. My boyfriend was having trouble finding an engineering job. So, my bf's parents told him to meet up with an acquaintance (around his 50s) of theirs, whom might be able to help out my boyfriend.


Turns out the acquaintance guy was in a different engineering field. So, he could not help out with finding my boyfriend an engineering job. However, my boyfriend had told me that the acquaintance guy asked my boyfriend to sell some paintings (the guy owns a art gallery on the side).


I asked what was in it for my boyfriend, my boyfriend said that acquaintance guy would get 100% of the profit. But, my boyfriend told me that selling the paintings would give him "selling" experience. I didn't think it was a good idea, and my boyfriend told me that I was pessimistic and so negative.




5. The same acquaintance guy is going to leave the country for 3 months. He asked my boyfriend to care for his 16-year-old daughter for that 3 months. Before my boyfriend had told me about it, my boyfriend had already agreed and said that he could care for that teenager. I asked my boyfriend what exactly does he need to do, my boyfriend said he didn't know. My boyfriend didn't ask that acquaintance guy if he's responsible for cooking, waking up the teenager, driving her to wherever/whenever she wants to go to, etc. And my boyfriend needs to live with that teenager (the place is in a different city far from where my boyfriend works).




My boyfriend finally asked yesterday what the acquaintance guy meant by "caring for his 16-year-old daughter". And yes, it is cooking, waking up the teenager, driving her to wherever/whenever she wants to go to, etc. Now, my boyfriend went to me complaining about this situation he's in. I told my boyfriend to tell the acquaintance guy that he can't care for his daughter anymore. But, my boyfriend said "I need to keep my word".








So, my questions are:


Will my bf's stubbornness and naivety improve over time? Or, are stubbornness and naivety character traits that won't change?


What should I do, I like my boyfriend, but my bf's stubbornness and naivety are irritating me. Especially when I tell him something, and he doesn't listen and says I'm untrusting of people, and then finds out that I was right and apologizes (happens often).

[Wondergirl]

Why are you still with him and trying to rescue him? Only by suffering the consequences of his poor choices will he begin to learn.

[talaniman]

He won't change until he has had his head bumped enough to want to change, so either stop complaining and giving unwanted advice to him, or dump him. That will teach him about the consequences of not listening to you, or irritating your girlfriend with his stubborn naivety, won't it?

You could always stop accepting his apologies only to have him continue with the same irritating behavior. In all fairness to him, stop being his mama and telling him what to do. That may be a cause for his stubbornness, and it obviously hasn't helped.

What? You think this is all his fault? He was this way before you got with him, so expecting him to change for YOU may be a bit much. I really think you guy's should be resolving this through honest communications over time with some large doses of calm patience.

Build on the good, work on the bad, and accept what you can't control (HIM), and control what you can (YOU).

[joypulv]

Will his traits change? Most don't, such as stubbornness, but naivete and being overly trusting often do.

It isn't your job - or your right - to change him. You aren't his parent. Either accept him as is, or wait another year or two, or break up.
Remember: people come as a package, a bundle. What you like about him includes naivete and trust. If he loses them, or you nag them out of him, he might not be someone you like as much.

[Oliver2011]

Wow. Control much? Did the type A+++++ personality start early in life when you critiqued how your parents put on your diaper? But seriously, did you hand your yet to be boyfriend a list of rules that must be followed before he became your boyfriend?

I agree with Joy but would go a bit further. Since it's impossible for you to accept him as he is, give the man his freedom. There are guys out there that liked being bullied and bossed by women. Realize now based on what you wrote that you two don't have a partnership. You have a prison warden and locked up prisoner relationship.

[smoothy]

I agree with the others...on both points... he has to learn his lessons the hard way if he does at all... (thats how he is) and second... I agree with the prison warden/mother thing. Not your place... he's an adult. Would you like someone doing that to you?