[canadianbacon]

:confused: So me and my girlfriend of 1 and a half years recently broke up. She's 20, I'm 19. I didn't want to end it, I love her and didn't see it coming, but she said something was different and that she needed a break. She's 20, I'm 19. A few days after we broke it off, she came back saying how much she missed and loved me, and that she wanted to start dating again and take it slow, just to see where it leads. I was excited, I was thinking I was getting my love back. Well, between the break-up and get back together, she told me that she drunkenly hooked up with a friend (just making out so I'm told, and I believe her), and that it meant nothing. It upset me a little, more so disappointed me, but as long as she was back to me there is no reason to dwell on it. The only problem about this is that she doesn't want to be "exclusive". She tells me that she doesn't want to date anyone else, and that she doesn't want to hook up with anyone else, but that if something were to happen (i.e. another drunken make-out session) that I couldn't get mad at her. I have a problem with this. She still goes out with her friends, including the guy she made out with, and doesn't understand why I am uncomfortable with the whole "not exclusive" thing. I'm going to approach her soon, giving her 2 options. One, we are exclusive as we try to start our relationship over, and that she can of course still go out with her friends and all but that hooking up is not OK, even when she's drunk. Two, that if she thinks accidental, drunk hooking up shouldn't be a problem, that we should stop trying to rekindle what we had and just go our separate ways. I obviously want her to want to start over with no hookups, but if we can't agree it's a problem. Am I being to unreasonable, or should she respect what we're trying to start over and agree that any hooking up is wrong? :confused:

[tickle]

Aside from your other problems, I see a huge downside to this open relationship your friend wants to have... STDs. Does she realize that having drunken sex there may be a chance she is opening herself up to a lot of bad health and heartache, and of course, bringing an STD back to you. If she doesn't want a monogomous relationship there is nothing really you can do about it, she doesn't seem to know her own mind on this issue.

You really do have a good argument for being her one and only if you can explain to her that she may get something in the way of venereal disease if she continues the open relationship idea. On second thought, why don't you and she go get checked out to make sure both of you have a clean bill of health.

[Fr_Chuck]

It is obvous you are merely the sober hooking up and she likes to sleep with several other people also. Which means she is not wanting any long term relationship right now, only friends to have sex with.

I can not see how many person could want this type of relastionship and you most certainly should not be part of it. You merely need to move on.

She does not respect or really love you or she would not be doing this

[canadianbacon]

Maybe It read wrong, but she is NOT sleeping around. She merely MADE OUT with a friend in the brief period after we called it off and before we decided to try and start things up again. She hasn't MADE OUT with anyone else yet, and doesn't plan on it. We're both at the same university, so she's being going out to the bars and clubs with her friends. She just doesn't want to be a couple right now, just merely dating to start things over and see how she feels. This means that she doesn't want me to get mad at her if she gets drunk and MAKES OUT with another guy; she says she doesn't want or have the desire to, but things happen when you go out with your friends. I'd clearly not be with her if she was sleeping around, trust me, I'm better than that. I just want to know if I'm asking too much for it to be considered wrong if she MAKES OUT with someone else while we try to start this relationship over, whether she is sober or not. I believe being committed to starting things over does not include any outside lip-locking...

[talaniman]

Your not wrong to expect a certain amount of loyalty, but clearly she has her own ideas of being independent, which is her right. Move on if you can't accept (nor should you) her ideas of starting over. You can't expect her to follow your rules when she has her own.

[canadianbacon]

So, I talked to her, told her that it's either exclusive dating or we are taking time off, and she didn't want to exclusively date. So, I told her we need to take time off then. She seemed kind of mad, pissed off at me, and I feel bad about making her mad. But this "non-exclusive" dating was killing me, so I figure it's for the best. Sigh...

[kellkell]

Good for you. I think you did the right thing. It is difficult to make the tough choices.


What is good to keep in mind, is that by her opening the figurative "door" of "making out" with someone else she in a sense invites the possibility sex. Would the non exclusive dating have then been twisted into and open relationship??

[JoeCanada76]

Who cares if she is mad at you.

How the hell do you know she was not sleeping around.

She does not want to be exclusive that means to you break it off, and for good because she will never ever be committed to you.

There is no misreading anything from anybodies post. She sounds like she is a sl%t.

It does not matter anyway, you know it is not going to work. Instead of giving it time, I think it is best that it is over because this person is just going to cause you heartache and give you a walking timebomb of a disease.

Best wishes to you and remember you are better without.

Joe

[talaniman]

You will find you have made a good decision for yourself. Better to let go now, than live with a lot of heartaching conflict later.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Everyone else has said it best..

Move on!

You are right to want loyalty and she will not be the one to give you that.

Run!!

[canadianbacon]

Thanks everyone, I'm managing slowly. Still thinking about her all the time, but I'm sure that's normal. Doesn't help that we have the same class every Mon./Wed./Fri. It's a pretty depressing reminder every day of class. Got my first phone number though ;-)