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    alanad123's Avatar
    alanad123 Posts: 102, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Jan 20, 2017, 03:52 PM
    Boyfriends dog is ruining our relationship!
    My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, 2 years ago his family got a puppy. I loved him, he was great! Until he got older! This dog does absolutely nothing he's told, we've tried training classes and training on our own, nothing seemed to work! We have tried training and discipline from puppyhood but nothing works! He sits and whines at us when we're eating (which I absolutely despise!) even when he's been fed, he bounces all over the place, jumps all over everyone, chews things he's not supposed to! I can't stand it any longer! My boyfriend and his family now just let the dog get away with it. If I try to discipline him my boyfriend will tell me to leave him alone, in fact things have gone downhill because he chooses the dog over me all the time! I can't take it any longer! Please help?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member
     
    #2

    Jan 20, 2017, 04:23 PM
    New Boyfriend time? A pet is a commitment... its not a pair of pants or shoes. Particularly dogs who are pack animals...not independent.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #3

    Jan 20, 2017, 04:38 PM
    Was the training that the dog, and family, received consistent from everyone, and on going? May not be your situation, but often training is started with good intentions, but the follow through falls short.

    Would training be considered again? Would you be allowed to work with the dog, if you were so inclined to do so?

    Otherwise, you have little option. As smoothly said, ending the relationship may be something to consider. Or learn to accept, and ignore, the behaviors as best you can, or simply spend less time around the dog.

    If you and your boyfriend live with his family, any plans to move out together? Or, you could move out on your own, and still date each other until a time you might decide to live together without family and the dog.
    alanad123's Avatar
    alanad123 Posts: 102, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #4

    Jan 20, 2017, 05:00 PM
    We both still live at home with parents but we have plans to move in together soon, I spent a lot of time at his family's house too, it's not the dog I dislike its his behaviours. I have tried to ignore the behaviours that irritate me such as the staring and whining when we have meals but it's very hard. I suppose I'm to used to a trained obedient dog. My dog who sadly died 2 years ago was a great dog, great nature, so friendly and incredibly obedient and trained very easily.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #5

    Jan 20, 2017, 05:19 PM
    Break up!
    There. Was that a relief or not a relief?
    If it was, follow through.
    If it wasn't, get used to the dog with all his habits, because your boyfriend has already told you that he has chosen the dog over you.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #6

    Jan 20, 2017, 05:53 PM
    So... tell us what kind of dog is it, what breed ? But what is yr question really ?
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #7

    Jan 20, 2017, 11:37 PM
    A dog is a lifelong commitment, a girlfriend isn't a lifelong commitment until she becomes your wife. You're not his wife, so if he has to choose between the dog, and you, well, the dog wins. He made a commitment and he's sticking to it. That's awesome!

    I wish there were more people like him in the world. Too many people give up on dogs that aren't behaving the way they want, which is why shelters are full and 5 million plus dogs are euthanized each year in the US alone. So good for him for taking this commitment seriously.

    You? Well, you can be replaced, and frankly, it doesn't sound like the two of you really should be together if you can't understand something as simple as his commitment to his dog.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
    Ultra Member
     
    #8

    Jan 21, 2017, 05:05 AM
    "We have tried training and discipline from puppyhood but nothing works!" This is because you have to start working with dogs from puppy stage. Dogs are like kids in that they need structure, boundaries, and positive discipline. At this point the dog isn't going to change. So the moral of this story is don't wait in training your boyfriend, er I mean dog.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #9

    Jan 21, 2017, 07:12 AM
    So, stop hanging out as much at his place. Let your boyfriend know that you love and care about him (if you do) and you want the relationship to succeed (if you do) so you think it would be best if you limited your time around the dog until his family gets their act together on training the animal.

    Or decide that it is time to actually move forward with plans to get a place together.

    Or get a place of your own where you can spend time together without the dog. You don't have to move in together to leave your parents' house.

    Or decide this is an indication of how he will be in raising children and other pets. Does it seem like he would be a parent or a buddy leaving all the discipline to you? Is that what you want to look forward to in your relationship? If not, walk away now.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,137, Reputation: 10852
    Expert
     
    #10

    Jan 21, 2017, 08:14 AM
    Take this as a preview of your future with him, and decide accordingly if it's worth it. Pretty obvious none of them not even your boyfriend is going to change anything for you, and not sure if they can, or want to. So you have to decide how you deal with it. I can tell you that you better answer this question for yourself before you move in together.

    See this as a challenge that you and your boyfriend talk about together for a resolution you both can live with, that's a reasonable compromise. Or maybe you decide to limit the contact with him and the dog, instead of just going along with the program. My view is it's his family, and his house, and a girlfriend is just a visitor.

    Don't let LOVE and high hopes blind you to the obvious red flags of this relationship, dog issues not withstanding, that need resolving.

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