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    niaupton's Avatar
    niaupton Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 1, 2016, 11:25 PM
    My Dads Girlfriend Is Breaking Up Our Family.
    My dad (39) and his girlfriend lf (38) both are in one of the unhealthiest relationships. They rushed into things and it took them a whole year of knowing each other to move in and have a baby. Currently she's almost having this child, which is causing my dad so much grief. I say this because she's been acting crazy lately and I'm scared she may do something to my dad soon.

    Recently, while my dad was asleep she took hold of his hand and bent his thumb all the way back which almost broke his finger. She then told him to hit her, which he of course said no but she kept hitting him and so on. Because of her we only go to his house once every fortnight, which dad thinks is my mums fault but really my mums just looking out for us.

    The environment there is always cold, she fills the house with evilness. She has told my dad she has no respect for me or my brother, she also hates my dads family resulting in them not being allowed to come to his house or see her soon to be born child. I've always tried to tell my dad that he needs to breakup with her before it's too late but he never listened and insisted on her being a decent person which I don't understand at all.

    A few days ago, I was at my dads for the weekend. He told me that things with her were 99% over, she had been so mean to him. So, we went to my grandparents house where we had a chat, everyone thought that it was a brilliant idea to finally end things with her and sell the house she forced him to buy. My grandparents and family were so angry with her.

    Later that night we went back to my dads where we hung with him which we haven't done in a while, but the whole time she was messaging him from her bedroom. (she never comes out of her room anymore, or at least while we're there) Anyhow the messages were annoying my dad and they were quite mean. The next morning I woke up to a phone ringing, it was my dads and he had fallen asleep in my brother and I's room. He answered the call and I could hear her from the kitchen and the phone saying "you being a pedophile with your kids?" Then she called a further 5 times basically saying good luck sleeping and saying she was messing the house up and that she was proud of what she'd done.

    I felt scared at the time, because she's quite unstable. So, my dad and I walked out to the kitchen where it was a complete mess. All the things my dad bought for us were spilled everywhere. Ice cream, coke, coffee and all the baby clothes. I was horrified at how childish she was. Anyhow, the next couple of days I messaged my dad to see how things were for him. Apparently they're 'sorting things out' and are back together. I don't think I've ever been so disappointed with him. He always does this, it's always on or off.

    I just needed someone to talk to x thanks to anyone who read this.. I just don't know what to do anymore. There's much more she's done but I don't want to bore anyone, I just want the best for my dad that's all ��
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #2

    Nov 2, 2016, 06:20 AM
    There is nothing for you to do but perhaps ask if you can spend your time with him absent her company and outside of their house. She sounds nutty and unsafe. Perhaps your mother can informally ask him to agree to discontinue your overnight visits with him and to visit with him away from her and the house. If he doesn't agree, she should get a restraining order on your behalf based on the girlfriend trashing food and other items in your presence, meant in part for you as provisions from your father. This order should only restrict her, not your dad, from seeing you.

    As for supporting a good decision from him, I suggest you use as few words as you can and maintain a consistent message IF the subject comes up. "Dad, she treats you poorly and is unstable. You would not like me dating someone like that either". Then change the subject to other subjects more appropriate to a father/child relationship such as school, your goals and ambitions, your activities, friends, the local sport teams and so on. It is not your role to counsel or persuade him and sometimes being against a relationship creates an "us against the world" dynamic for the couple and can backfire.

    Remember this as you get older. If family and friends warn you off a relationship, take their advice.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #3

    Nov 2, 2016, 06:55 AM
    Now you know that adults aren't always mature. You can't be parent to your own parent. There is nothing you can 'do' in terms of telling him anything you didn't say in one sentence. He sounds like he knows he made a mistake, but is feeling the obligation of a child of his on the way. And that's noble. Be glad that he's a noble man.

    Also, pregnancy sends hormones off the deep end quite often, and often it's anger and irrational emotions. Even after the birth of the baby, some women suffer post partum depression. She could be terrified that he will leave her helpless with an infant. They aren't even married. She has very little to protect her rights. I'm not defending her, just explaining some possible behaviors.

    Both men and women can have the sad trait of wanting to exclude a new partner's children from before. I'm sorry that happened to you.

    Keep in mind that this situation will play out in many different ways over many years. Right now, be glad that you live with your mother, keep telling your father that you love him, and ask to see him as often as possible out in a restaurant or something. With a baby that may not happen much at first. Be patient.

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