[adele123]

My son is 12 and in middle school. I received a phone call from the principle stating that my son had tried to spend $50 in the school lunch line and when asked about it he walked away and threw the money away. When confronted he came up with a story about being paid by an older kid. I took him to the police station to have them help us get to the bottom of this. Evidently he is stealing from me and his stepfather and has been for awhile. The police said that there is nothing they can do. This is the second time he has been caught stealing from me. He did so about 3 years ago and I made him take a theft prevention course. I don't know what else to do. Does anyone have any advice?

[Fr_Chuck]

Call the Juv services in your area, see if they do a "shock" treatment, with a tour of the jail and talking with some selected inmates
( sometimes these are real prisioners that agree to help kids, and other times it is officers pretending to be prisioners)

Also sometimes the Juv services will allow a tour of the Juv detention center or have even worked out a weekend detention to show him what it is all about.

I am a big fan of boot camps, both state and private.

[CaptainForest]

And if the boot camp doesn't work, you can always try teaching him by giving him a taste of his own medicine.

Start “stealing” his things. Things he really likes.

That is 1 idea.

[melybum14]

Okay kids today its all about the mulla (money) so if he sees the more popular kids have money he's going to try he dosne want for you to see that he's trying to be cool because all kids want to be cool in the eyes of there parents so you can't blame him for trying to fit in so just talk to him about it not one of the weird talks just try and raise his alowwance so he can have some money

[middleschool214154]

My son is 12 and in middle school. I received a phone call from the principle stating that my son had tried to spend $50 in the school lunch line and when asked about it he walked away and threw the money away. When confronted he came up with a story about being paid by an older kid. I took him to the police station to have them help us get to the bottom of this. Evidently he is stealing from me and his stepfather and has been for awhile. The police said that there is nothing they can do. This is the second time he has been caught stealing from me. He did so about 3 years ago and I made him take a theft prevention course. I don't know what else to do. Does anyone have any advice?

Ok, if he does it again, ask him what's your problem, why are you doing this, is it peer pressure, tell him, in the future, if you keep it up, I can't back you up, so stop or your future is in prison

[Matt3046]

okay kids today its all about the mulla (money) so if he sees the more popular kids have money hes gunna try he dosne want for you to see that hes trying to be cool becuse all kids want to be cool in the eyes of there parents so you can't blame him for trying to fit in so just talk to him about it not one of the weird talks just try and raise his alowwance so he can have some money

This is only rewarding the bad behavior. I like the Capt. Idea of stealing his Xbox and Ipod and so forth.

[akms]

Ground him so he can't be with friends and start the juv thing how's he doing in school

[Bluerose]

I say relax, all kids try this on. Make him pay it back from his allowance. Let the punishment fit the crime. And I say make sure he has enough allowance and is willing to work for more if he needs it by doing chores. Sorry, folks. But we are talking about a 12 year old boy. I think some of your recommendation barbaric.

[-radioactive-]

I think a lot of these answers are terrifying, especially to a 12 year old boy.
No matter how much you yell at a kid and punish them it won't help,
I should know, I'm still a teenager.
When I got yelled at, and punished, I just rebelled even more.
But when my dad spoke to me calmly and tried to get to the bottom of it -sincerely, not faking- I wanted him to still trust me, so I helped myself as well.
Don't punish your kid, but if you do, not to severely.
If you do this he may think you don't love him (it's how the child's brain works), and he would just rebel and steal more.
Give him a chance to explain himself, don't jump to conclusions that he wants to be a 30 year old drug dealer as his career.

[akms]

Yeah I'm 11 and your right when my dad screams at me ill then want to be right so ill fight back

[Live_backwards]

My son is 12 and in middle school. I received a phone call from the principle stating that my son had tried to spend $50 in the school lunch line and when asked about it he walked away and threw the money away. When confronted he came up with a story about being paid by an older kid. I took him to the police station to have them help us get to the bottom of this. Evidently he is stealing from me and his stepfather and has been for awhile. The police said that there is nothing they can do. This is the second time he has been caught stealing from me. He did so about 3 years ago and I made him take a theft prevention course. I don't know what else to do. Does anyone have any advice?

He is your son you shouldn't be getting the police involved, that is ridiculous. My best friend stole from me constantly when we were ten years old and now she's studying to be a medical student, people change. Love him, show him your kind heart and good will, hold high moral, whip him with a belt when he steals from you, teach him right from wrong eventually he'll stop. My parents don't leave any spare cash in the house because they think I'l lsteal from them and I'm 22 years old... I resent them for their disrespectful attitude but I can't afford to live on my own. I've also decided I will have nothing to do with them, absolutely nothing once I become independent.

[kitten94515]

Honestly I'm a teen to, and I have never stole but some of my stupid friends have. You can't talk to them their NOT going to listen, because being a teen comes with an attitude to try to fit in, an "i can do whatever i want and you can't do nothin about it" and believe me I would know. Don't send him to bootcamp, hed be scared. But if I were you I would steal small things and not tell him. Like not something huge where he will notice it, just like his ummm watch? Football? Shoes? Small stuff. Where he only notices if he really pays attention. And you should watch a movie that talks about juv [[if there is one]] and make him watch it, don't tell him why though. Believe me it will work. But one thing, yelling and threatening doesn't help, it just causes drama and he may start to do other things. That's what my friend did, now he has a police record and he's not my friend anymore. So try it out.

[s_cianci]

The police said that there is nothing they can do.

Since when can the police do "nothing" about the crime of larceny (or any other crime as for that matter?) If you go to the police with a complaint (i.e. a criminal charge) they have to take the complaint and it gets scheduled for trial in municipal court. Now if you don't want to press criminal charges against your son, then they're right in that there is nothing they can do. The job of the police is to enforce the law and that's it. When a citizen complains about any illegal or potentially illegal activity, it's their job to investigate it and respond accordingly.

[R0cKin_t33N]

Im a teen and i would rebal to the fullest if i got punished.......but instead of punishing him show him........rent out a movie with teen peer pressure and the consequences of fitting in for example the movie THIRTEEN........my mother showed me that movie and i changed for good.....i am now a striaght A student with no care in the world what people say when it comes to fitting in. Hope It Works Out And Gud Luck ;)

[tnj3406]

It is a big deal!! My brother who is now 26 and been in prison 3 times started at an early age. Hopefully now he is done. My dad tried everything with him. Making him work for the money he stole that he didn't even keep, grounding, sending him out of state to live with our aunt. The only thing I think he may have been able to do early on that could have helped is to show him the severity of it early! Taking him to a jail. Telling everyone in the family so he didn't have the oppurtunity to steal from them and not allowing him to be alone in a store. Show them no one will trust you and you will be treated like a prisoner. Embarrass them. It will be nothing like the embarrassment they'll have to go through in prison or getting out and having a record. It if happens once maybe not such a big deal. Kids want to try things to see if they can get away with it but anymore is a problem. Make them learn the first time. I try to get the real reason for the stealing. My brother got to a point that he couldn't control it, it became an impulse a challenge an addiction. Cleptomaniac is the clinical term.

[crazygrlinak]

My son is also 12 yrs old. I am a single mom. I have a VERY limited income. Last week he stole $4 from me. This week he stole my last $2. I don't know what to do either. I have taken all his privileges away. He totally denies that he took it. My son never admits anything. I don't know what to do. I can't afford to give him an allowance. I can't even afford breakfast for me today because that $2 he stole last night was my breakfast money for the rest of the week, I hide my purse in my room but he gets into it while Im sleeping.

[JC77]

I'm in the same boat. I was also phoned by the school to inform me that my daughter had $100 at school... which happened to be missing from my wallet. This wasn't the first time, and even though we grounded her and took away many of her privileges, including suspending her allowance, she still took another $30 from me this weekend. What hurts even more than her stealing from me, is the lying that is coming with it... I held her wallet right in front of her face and asked her if there was anything in it she'd like to tell me about, and she swore she didn't know what I was talking about, even as I pulled the cash out, then told me she had no idea how it got there (but ended up confessing a few minutes later). She is quite smart and imaginative which she also uses to be quite manipulative and deceiptful...

I absolutely disagree with spanking kids at this age; it just seems weird, not to mention the risk of getting hit back by the so-called "child"... it's completely pointless! My daughter is 115 lbs and taller than some adults I know for pete's sake... spank her? She'd probably just laugh! At 12 years it is perfectly acceptable to take him down to the cop shop for a serious chat. Obviously, unless you actually press charges, they can't do much but back you up as a parent and let your son know that you're not kidding around. I told my daughter this morning after finding the $30 in her wallet, that once she turns twelve, I have every right to contact police as she is STEALING, which is AGAINST THE LAW, PERIOD. After all, a store manager isn't likely going to just let her off the hook, if she starts stealing from the store even if it's just a 5c candy.

I don't know what else to do and anything I've tried hasn't been working. "If you keep doing the same thing, you keep getting the same result"... So I'm doing something different today and calling a counselor to have her talk to someone about this.
As parents, we don't always want to admit that our kids sometimes don't want to tell us what's bothering them for various reasons. I know I never told my parents what was really bothering me, because it was them (very abusive family)! I have managed to break that cycle in my family, but we still have remnants of mental illnesses like depression, anxiety etc. Maybe she is embarrassed to tell me something, or thinks I will get mad... or maybe she just doesn't know why she is stealing and needs an outside person asking the 'right' questions to figure it out...
Who knows, but at this point I'm going to have to trust someone who is trained to listen better than I can and hope/pray that some information comes out of it that can help us get back on track. I'm doing the best that I can, but maybe I'm just missing something that someone else can help us to uncover.

[kammarand]

First of all, I would say don't jump to conclusions thinking that this act means your child is going to be a convict. Taking tours of the jail, calling police, etc. aren't the right tactic. I would suggest that you calmly talk to your child about why he stole. Give him a chance to explain himself. He'll most likely have some kind of justification, but then you need to explain why that justification is wrong. I'm a principal and work with students everyday on these kinds of issues. I always tell them that they made a bad choice, but that I don't think they're a bad person. I explain to them that I've made bad choices at times in my life as well. I always reassure them that it's okay that they're not perfect nobody is. This usually makes them comfortable enough to be honest and not on the defense. It allows for an honest conversation. Sometimes I even tell stories of times I've made similar mistakes and how those mistakes affected me. He should have some kind of punishment, but it shouldn't be given out of anger or as a way to scare him. It shouldn't be too harsh, and it shouldn't be too easy. Sometimes you can even ask him or her for a suggestion for a fair consequence; most of the time they're much more harsh. Don't label him as a criminal, but you can tell him that he's lost your trust.