[misunderstood001]

Hi, I was hoping you could help me deal with this problem I have with my newest but yet important friend I have made this year?
I have been hanging with this younger friend i.e. 12 yrs my junior. She has been an acquaintance of mine but we had never gotten past the hello how are you stage before this year. She had been having a tough time the past two years and never gotten close to any other girlfriends since she moved here from out of town.
She has been battling breast cancer and won and had just this week had to undergo double mastectomy .
I, since January, have taken this young lady under my wing and have tried to be a good listenner, friend, helped her move etc... just be her shoulder, her muscle, and we had gotten really close friends.
We both had tough lives growing up, so we both come with a big insecurity package that we bring to this relationship.
To be honest I grew very attached and protective of this young lady.
The last two weeks have been hell for our friendship. I, without any doubt, know how much stressfull it must be for her to prepare her body and mind for this operation, healing and not knowing the outcome of what she will look like after the surgery. I am sure you know what I mean.
I was so scared to be an extra stress on her life so I stressed myself out and put extra pressure on her.
We had a couple of misunderstandings these past two weeks and now she said she does not need any other stressers to make her get cancer again.
She said I smuther her. Me being insecure probably doesn't help the fact that I care deaply for her and am worried sick about her too.
I saw her around and asked her to call me and she didn't call me.
We had booked a time to see each other with our families and misunderstood the time, so I expecting our apt. time to be in AM I called worried that something was wrong. She, not having a land line, I had to use her and her husband's cell phones to see if I could reach them. She called back being mad like crazy telling me that she would have appreciated not being called as she needed her rest and that she never wanted to meet until the PM. I apologized, cried and said that I never meant to pressure her, nor hurt her feelings. Which seems I did. I cried and hung up the phone in her face. Which made her more mad. But I didn't want to get all emotional and break full out on the phone and make me upset as she seemed so cold and not carring on the decision of me ultimately not visiting that day at all.
She did not call me back. I went over two days later to wish her a Happy Easter and she was white as a sheet, cold of heart and anxious. She just said: "What do you want!"
She felt I smuthered her and made her feel guilty for not calling me back. I was never mad at her , by the way still isn't but am very upset at myself for hurting her.
I know her stress for the surgery etc... was enough but I never meant to do anything especially something that would ultimately make me lose the best friend I ever had.
She left town for the surgery two days later and I never heard from her since that dreary Sunday. Even her husband, with whom we did get along great too, will not return my call.
I was always available to her and never made plans unless agreed upon with no pressure. Always let her dictate our times spent together. But did always tell her how much our friendship meant to me. A lot!
Do I have to let her go? She said when she would get back that maybe we might be friends again, she will be gone for two weeks. i dont know how the surgery went, how she feels, etc... She was always glad I was with her as we were eachother's sunshine in our gloomy days.
Please help I am lost...

[louie1]

Ok seems to me that you have yourself in a pickle - whilst it may be hard you need to take a step back your friend as you know is dealing with the biggest thing that is likely to happen to her in a long while. Send her some flowers with a simple thinking of you, that way she will know that you care. Do not approach her wait for her to come to you she has an awful lot to come to terms with and needs her space. If you have not heard in a months time write a gentle note apologizing and explaining that you will always be there all she has to do is call then leave it you would have put the ball in her court at a respectful time. You can do no more!

Good luck

[talaniman]

I think you were there for her too much and of course she resented it. Back off and let the kid deal with her issues, if she needs you she will call.