[audreygrey]

My crushes close relative died recently, so he flew back to his home country for some weeks. Before he flew off, we texted everyday - so much it became like a routine. While he's been away, he hasn't been texting me as often. I tried to start a conversation but each time he seemed like he didn't want to carry it on. Recently, he told me that he needed to think things through and he was not ready to commit to anything yet, at the same time he confessed that he liked me. I'm in an uncomfortable position right now - I don't know what to do. We like each other, but he said he needs time. I know I have to wait, but I'm scared over time he'll probably just lose his feelings or me or something. He is coming back soon, which of course I am excited for. I told him that I understand everything and that it's all right. I'm worried that after this time I'd have waited nothing would happen between us, in other words, I don't want high hopes although its really hard, I really like him. Someone give me advice? :)

[CravenMorhead]

One thing to remember is that he's but one person in a vast pool of possible life partners for you. I don't say this to devalue what you two have gone through or will go through, but for you to realize that if things don't work out then it isn't the end of the world. You've got a crush on him and this is at the moment VERY one sided. That's okay. A lot of people have crush in and out of relationships.

This is a wait and see situation right now. He's gone through a major emotional upheaval that has probably made him question a good number of things about his day to day life. He needs time to grieve and time to heal. If you imposed yourself here, even in a support role, you're potentially sabotaging yourself. You don't know what he's gone through and what he needs and if you start to assume you will become a pest.

Wait and be there for when he needs it, and not when you think he needs it, and he might come around. If he doesn't, you've just confirmed your friendship. Just don't push him too much.

[J_9]

His relative died. DIED!! Give him time to grieve. With his family. Without you.

You are coming off WAY too needy and that's a major turnoff.

He hasn't texted you as often? That's because he's spending time with family, grieving his relative. Yet you expect him to text the way he did before the death? Don't you have any compassion?

[smoothy]

I agree..(with other commenters) this is just a crush.. so there isn't even a real relationship established yet ( I rank a crush as even lower on the ladder than established friends, with boyfriend/girlfriend above that, Fiancée above that... Spouse above that... and nothing tops Parent, Sibling or child that is at the top of the ladder, other relatives can be anywhere depending on how close they were)... and even then as was mentioned... this is a death of a relative.. someone who they have known their entire life. Ease off. You are being way too pushy for even a wife in this situation depending on how close this relative was to him.

[talaniman]

I have been in your shoes many times where a girlfriend has gone through grief/mourning with the death of a family member. Trust me now would NOT be the time for your own fears, insecurities, or personal needs to be put on your boyfriend because he has enough to deal with. That would be selfish and uncaring of you to say the least.

If you cannot figure out how to support and care in HIS time of need then have no business being with him in the first place. That's not even a friendship in my book let alone a partner in a relationship.

My advice is back off, and take stock of your own behavior and actions, as there will be consequences for such selfishness later. I have no further advice if you cannot understand it's not about your fear, insecurities, or selfish needs at this time.

[joypulv]

I agree with all of the above.
One last thing: There isn't one single guarantee in ANY relationship. If you don't have a life of your own, if all you do is hang all your feelings and interests and reasons for getting up in the morning on one person, you are going to be hit hard. It happens every day. I've gone through it too. DON'T count on promises, ever. DON'T put all your hopes on another person, ever. DO have friends and something to keep you going when love is gone, regardless of the reasons.

PS: I've never texted in my life (but I'm old). To me it is the creepiest, most stifling, stalk-ish, boring, inane, brain dead activity a person could do. From what I can tell, the most common text is "What are you doing now?" Followed I guess by "I love you" and "Text me before you ______ ."
Heaven help us all.